Super Troopers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Super Troopers
DVD boxart for Super Troopers
Directed by Steven Spielberg
Written by Alfred Hitchcock,
Jeff Bridges
Starring Geraldo Rivera
Alan Smithee
Lois Lane
Hilary Clinton
Bruce Lee
Produced by Kermit the Frog
Distributed by Broken Lizard Pictures
Release date August 23, 1997
Runtime 107 days
Language English
Budget $1,500
IMDb page

Super Troopers is a 1997 independent film directed by Steven Spielberg that depicts the rise of a sexually molested lower class girl from the slums to the spotlight. It is loosely based on the true story of Barbara Bush as told in John Kozol's New York Times bestseller The Great Gatsby.

Story summary[edit]

The story begins with Barbara's (Lois Lane) young life on the mean streets of Cheyenne, Oklahoma. She is born to Jeb (Bruce Lee) and Laura Bush (Jane Freudenamensonerson) in 1930. When she was twelve years old, she suffered from a devastating chain of events. Her father molests her, leaves for war, and is killed on D-Day on the beaches of Normandy. She never gets to say "Stop, wait, or goodbye" to the only father (Geraldo Riviera) figure she knew.

After her father's death, she runs away from home and becomes a drug pusher and prostitute in the Red Light District of The Village, Oklahoma. She quickly befriends a spunky hooker named Ruby Jelolegs (Hilary Clinton). The two, when they aren't giving head in the back of a Ford Model T, begin studying law from various texts that they purchase with their sex money. Unfortunately, Ruby is killed within three months of their meeting when a feral pig rips her limb from limb in a rather gory encounter. Barbara is once again devastated.

After four years of mourning the loss of her close friend Ruby, Barbara finally pulls herself back together and begins to head on the right track, buying and reading law texts. However, when she is in a bookstore in 1948, an avalanche of books falls on her, placing her into a come for six years. Nobody noticed though because she didn't have an friends or family. She is kept in the supply room of the bookstore in which she had her accident. Fortunately, all the bugs that would crawl into her mouth keep her properly nourished during her comatose years. She finally wakes up in 1954 and resumes her quest for self-improvement.

While in the supply room, the bookstore manager had sold tickets to kids who wanted to take advantage of her. The bookstore manager, who has a very heavy conscience, gives her the profits that rightfully belong to her. Using this money, Barbara applies for the University of Texas at Austin law program. After learning that sodomy is evil and how the electric chair works, she graduated magna cum laude in 1973. She joined the law firm Hamm & Berger and begun working as defense lawyer. However, this wasn't cathartic enough for her so she quit in 1975 and became a district attorney for Lubbock, Texas. During her tyrannous reign, she sentenced four hundred and thirty-eight inmates to death. The next year she got a sex change.

For the next decade, she holds a series of increasingly prestigious public offices. Finally, in 1986, at the Republican National Convention, she is nominated and accepted as the Republican candidate for President (under her new alias George Bush). She wins the election by a landslide and finally reaches the position she had for so long sought.


Barbara Bush (Geraldo Rivera) is an obsessive compulsive girl who goes from a troubled youth, to a prostitute, to a law graduate, and finally to President of the US. She often wears slutty clothing and makes the statement "If you ouch me, you owe me five dollars," even in her later non-hooker days. She is often perceived as a very manly woman, potentially because she has a larger penis than most men.

Ruby Jelolegs (Alan Smithee) is a hooker with a heart of gold. She is rather perky for a sex slave and is the one who inspires Barbara to pursue law. Many believe that Ruby was a lesbian because she would often touch Barbara as she slept.

Feral Pig (Lois Lane) is a very complex character. One could argue that he mauled Ruby to death as a result of social pressures put upon him by his peers. Others would say that he was a psychologically unstable being without the ability to feel remorse. Regardless, Feral Pig is ultimately a victim of society because that which made him the beast that he was undid him. With blunt objects and pointy sticks. Those hurt. :'(

Jeb Bush (Hilary Clinton) is the father of Barbara. He is the main reason for his daughter's fall into despair. He is a vile man who smells like poopee.

Laura Bush (Bruce Lee) was the mother of Barbara. Seeing as how she fit the stereotype of a 1930's housewife, she isn't worth discussing. Now make me a sammich.

The Government (anonymous) is portrayed as a single man in Super Troopers. The casting of anonymous to play the part further provides a deep meaning of this. It means that they can see you, even when you're peeing.

Pop culture references[edit]

Maozilla makes a reference to the movie in his animated series Pokemon in the scene where Pikachu attempts to devour the breast of main character Ash. Although the rest is unshown, it can be assumed, and is proven by his absence in later episodes, that Pikachu continued on to maul Ash, ripping him limb from limb.

The Encyclopedia Britannica makes a reference to all of the facts used in the movie in its article on "Barbara Bush." Broken Lizard is currently taking Encyclopedia Britannica to court claiming that their references are outright plagarism. Encyclopedia Britannica is expected to cry in its damp, dark corner every night before it goes to bed.


  • The movie includes a 49-hour long ad for a now defunct brand of couscous about eight days into the film.
  • Barbara Bush is never shown wearing pants.
  • Feral Pig is based off the real life personage of Bill Clinton.
  • At several points in the movie, you can notice a person who was lynched in the backdrop.
  • Geraldo Rivera claims that his character Barbara Bush is completely accurate and that its actually history that's inaccurate.
  • Two-thirds of this film is actually claymation.
  • The entire budget of the film was spent on tube socks and donuts.