Ricky Martin

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“Excellent with a slice of avocado”

~ Oscar Wilde on Ricky Martin

“I tapped that ass back when he was in Menudo.”

~ Justin Timberlake on Ricky Martin

“And dream sweet dreams of living the vida loco

~ Captain Obvious while having a stroke

Ricardo Martino Bambino Gucchi Wucchi Cucchi Coo María Martínez (conceived February 14, 1971), better known as Ricky Martin, is a popular Palestinian and Latin singer, although he occasionally sings in English as well. He is a big fan of holes and that's why people generally call him an asshole. He is currently living in La Vida Loca (A little Locust) in Iraq. Ricky Martin is the current President of Peru. He damages relations with many countries due to his continuous insults. Peruvians are some of the most hated people on Earth today thanks to Mr. Martinez.

Ricky Martin was grown in Wisconsin or Oregon to his mother, female and father, who was presumably male. When he six, he joined Menudo but escaped before his 16th birthday, the mandatory age of slaughter for members.

In 1999, Ricky Martin married Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony, led the Latin Invasion, and successfully invaded Poland, Czechoslovakia, and parts of the Ukraine. Over 12,000 people were liberated, over 1,500 orphans were hugged, and a couple CDs went multi-platinum. The damage cost has been estimated to have been well over $39.6 billion, with Latin Loca landmines still killing 3,000 people per year.

There has been speculation in the media that Martin is homosexual. When asked by Rolling Stone magazine, he reportedly claimed that "Since you wish to know so desperately, I will never tell you. So there!" The interviewer then told Ricky, "Meh. Actually, I no longer care what your sexuality is," to which Martin replied, "You think I'm going to fall for that?" Martin, however, will admit to enjoying golden showers, somehow finding that more socially acceptable than homosexuality.[1]

It has also been speculated by the European press and Barbara Walters that Segovia's Roman Aqueduct was patterned after Ricky's manhole. A copyright infringement suit by the Ancient Roman Foundation is currently being reviewed by the UN.

Ricky Martin was reported in 2010 to be "livin la vida loca" Eddie Murphy was invited to Ricky's house for waffles, but he never showed up as he was apparently "far far away". Mike Myers took some magic potion which got him sectioned under the mental health act for believing he was a washing machine.

Ricky Martin has a super sexy and super tempting body and facial features. He is also a super total bottom according to Sarai. William Hung wants to touch it and perhaps do something more with it... We're not quite sure.

Martin's biggest Latin hits include "Cogito Ergo Sum" (Lots of cigars), "Et Tu, Brute?" (Where's your aftershave?), "Sic Semper Tyrannis" (Big Hot Tyrannosaurus), "E Pluribus Unum" (Pubic Urine), and "Et Cetera, Et Cetera (Former Members of Chicago)." It is also a well known fact that Ricky Martin and Avril Lavigne are, in fact, the same person.

Homosexual Life[edit]

Ricky Martin is best known for trying to cast in the well known show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Actually, he is best known because he joined the cast crew. Unfortunately, he died in the filming of his first scene; he tried to fuck the elephant in the circus, and you know what an elephant does when tried to get humped; just sits on his fat lardy ass. Oh God! I don't even want to envision that! A sex tape was discovered of ricky and his lover Ex / washed out 80's rocker Axl Rose.

Ricky Martin has been spotted on gay events several times. Ricky keeps his homosexuality better hidden than the Loch Ness Monster mystery. On March 29, 2010, Martin admitted that he was a "homosexual man" in a post on his official web site even though everyone already knew.

Martin has just announced a wedding with longtime boyfriend and most famous member of Poison , Axl Rose. Axl is quoted to have said "He tastes like burritos! Mmmmm spicy!"


  • Following the events of World War II, Ricky Martin was banned from participating in TV family show "Wheel Of Fortune" due to a "confusion between Phone-A-Friend and fried rice."


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