Fort Knox
“I would love to have a mouthful.”
Fort Knox is a U.S. army post located in the Bible belt just south of Louisville, Kentucky. It holds the U.S. Army Prophylactic Center, the U.S. Army Fencing School and the U.S. Army Prickhead Command. The base stretches all the way to the counties of Bullshit, Hard-On and Meaty.
The base sites the world's 2nd largest Sperm Depository. Indeed, 79% of American children have been procreated with the sperm stored in Fort Knox.
History[edit]
Fortification[edit]
Fortified as Camp Cocks in 1861 by the cavalry of Union forces, it was misused as a gay haven after the Civil War. In an effort to restore the reputation of the U.S. Military as real men, and not to appeal to gays, it was renamed Fort Knox in 1918.
Great Depression[edit]
The Great Depression of the United States happened because of the sperm deficit in Fort Knox. Since the U.S dollar is bound to the sperm reserve, the value of the dollar depreciated when wankers sent their sperm down the toilets instead of into the depository. Franklin D. Roosevelt resolved the Great Depression with his New Deal program, which criminalized the waste of sperm; he also enacted progressive tax deduction based on the volume of sperm provided to the depository (too bad for the female, impotent and sterile part of the population).
Recent History[edit]
Nowadays a few gay rights activist groups are trying to return the Fort Knox to its former glory of gaytopia which it was between the years 1865–1918. So far they have failed miserably since it isn't easy to fight for your rights if you can't stand the fact that your clothes get dirty while doing it.
Spermfinger[edit]
Fort Knox is also famous from the Spermfinger movie. In 1964 a terrorist called Spermfinger threatened to blast Fort Knox away with his atom bomb to artificially inflate the value of sperm. Fortunately the insurance agent James Bond, played by Sean Connery, was able to eliminate the threat which Spermfinger had imposed. Being the world's most famous homosexual after Liberace, Bond's well-earned reward from this mission was his dream come true: he could take all the sperm he could swallow out of Fort Knox. Unfortunately it wasn't prime quality stuff, since he died from AIDS a few years later.
New York Federal Reserve Bank[edit]
Ironically, some dumb-ass decided to put over ten times the amount of the gold in Fort Knox in a facility in the safest place in the world, Lower Manhattan. Surely no one possesses the ability to access the bank which holds 25% of the world's gold. The ever-growing NYPD can certainly protect an unarmed bank against any threat since the FBI can totally fight their way across New York's vacant streets and be able to position themselves due to New York's ample parking and lack of gridlocks. Also New York's crime rate is low enough that no local criminals could ever access the unguarded vaults containing hundreds of billions of dollars worth of gold.