Expletive
“GO SUCK A WANKSPLAT!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your DONKEY DICK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your bunny.
Complete Unabridged history of FUCKFACE use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age fervently touched his FROM 2 OF THE 6 WRITERS OF SCARY MOVIE ectoplasm and was so dissatisfied by the results that he assassinated a COCKING FUCKBOROUGH and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the sheer scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their DAGO mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of YOU WANKER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a ANUSCAKE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BULLSHIT. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted DICKHEAD until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody INCEST tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some MOCKIE, do you savvy, you SON OF A BITCHS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie BALLSS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called PIGFUCKER-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey VAGINA, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real GOAT DICK BUTT-HEAD showdowns on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- JIZZ!!!
- DICK!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You MAMA MIA!!!
- You ADMINS ARE GAY!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- calcify in NAZI, you CRACKER!
- I hope you insult in All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, you FUCKFACE!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This PUSSYLICKER JACKASS will burn a osmosis up your DILDO!!!
- This CAMEL JOCKEY 60 MINUTES IS A PIECE OF SHIT will jump a bamboo up your JUNGLE BUNNY!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some TAFFY and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING vomit a clever trick up your TWAT!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- AMERICA ONLINE HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS DOUCHE D'OH MICK FUCKTARD COCK!!
- JAP ASS SHITTY CHOAD KISSER!!!
A bunch of DAMMIT[edit]
CARPET MUNCHER NECROPHILIA BITCH NIGGER ORGASM LET'S SHIT [expletive deleted] I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL ASSHOLE FELCHING CHING CHONG CHINK CLUSTER FUCK SCROTUM GOD BLESS AMERICA ASSHOLE ORGASM EPIDIDYMIS PUSSY PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT PISS FUCK DIPSHIT JACKASS FUCKWIT GOD DAMN MOSES TOWELHEAD TURD SONNY BILL WILLIAMS POLAK FROG'S FAT ASS YOUR MOM FUCKING A DIPSHIT GOD DAMN IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD COCKSMOKER NAZI DAMN CHINK SHIT DICKHEAD SHITE TWO-INCH PENIS LET'S SHIT JESSE McCARTNEY IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD CROTCH SHITHEAD FUCK NUGGET FROG'S FAT ASS P'KANG FUCK PIECE OF SHIT FUCK YOU BASTARD GOD DAMN SHIT SHITFACE INCEST BORDER HOPPER DIRTY SANCHEZ DICKLICK FELLATIO BOOBS GOLLY GEE WILLIKERS HONKY HOSER DILDO CRAPFUCKER FUCKING FUCKFUCKER NIGGER BITCH HELL FELLATIO SAND NIGGER BUTT-FOR-BRAINS CHICKEN FRIES ART METAL PRODUCTS NORTH KOREA WHORE BONER NIGGER SHITHEAD FAGGOT ASSFACE ASSCRACK SHITTY BITCH ASSWIPE JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE JOHN ELWAY SHAKOPEE SNUFF PORN TRANNY HELL BASTARD RECTUM RAIDER CONDOMS NIGGER WANK SHITBALLS ASSWIPE QUEEF ASS BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you SON OF A BITCH.