Expletive
“GO SUCK A MASTICATION FOR THE NATION!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your CRAP is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your Swiss cheese.
Complete Unabridged history of SCRATCH! GROUNDER! use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age distastefully touched his WANKER hallway and was so dissatisfied by the results that he baptized a FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the nail-biting scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their POOPY mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of CUNT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a ORGASM for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CHIGGER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted HELL until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody TAFFY tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some RECTUM RAIDER, do you savvy, you FUCKS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie AMERICAN SPELLINGS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called DAGO-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SPICY CUNT FUCK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real PISS ARTIST THIS IS A RARE SWEAR pedophiles on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- PISS ARTIST!!!
- NAZI!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You FASHION BUG!!!
- You CUNT!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- calcify in OSTRICH MY ASS, you TIT DIRT!
- I hope you insult in ASSWIPE, you JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This BUGGER WOODPECKERSHIT will sell a stamp up your LET'S SHIT!!!
- This ASSHOLE BULLSHIT will steal a hostel up your REDNECK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some JACKASS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING detect a lemming up your CC PLZ!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- IT SUCKS MONKEYFUCK CARPET MUNCHER BLUMPKIN SHITSKIN HOMO NIGGER HORSE SHIT!!
- DUNE COON TITS & DICKS ARSE RECTUM RAIDER!!!
A bunch of FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD[edit]
BIRD SHIT JAP BIRD SHIT JACKASS CAMEL JOCKEY AUTOFELLATIO MOTHERFUCKER SAND NIGGER BEAVER YID DIPSHIT WANKSPLAT CUM SHITFACE NIGGER CHOAD SMEG RAPE CHOAD FRIG DOG FUCKER GOD DAMMIT WOODPECKERSHIT JACK OFF PENIS VAGINA CUNNILINGUS CONDOMS MOLDY TITS COCK SHIT FUCKING AAAAAAAAA! WHY DON'T YOU MAKE LIKE A BANANA AND SHIT? MILF BULLSHIT TURD BIG FOOT FUCKWIT FUCKTARD WIENER COLONEL CLUSTER FUCK SON OF A BITCH NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER! SHITE PORCH MONKEY FUCK FELCHING PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT BUTTFUCKER PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS ORGASM RAT'S ASS RAT'S ASS LAKE TITICACA NAZI SHITE GOATSE TWAT GOAT DICK SHITHEAD WANKSPLAT HELLFUCKER CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR YID FUCK A DUCK FUCK PISS ARTIST COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS GOD BLESS AMERICA GRINGO CUNTING ASSCRACK YOU WANKER SEMEN COCKSUCKER DAGO VENEREAL DISEASE PISS OFF PUSSY SPANK THE MONKEY COCKSTUFFER BULLSHIT CRAPFUCKER SON OF A BITCH MOCKIE MOTHERFUCKER CUNNILINGUS SEMEN DICK CHICKEN BLOWJOB WALRUS SHIT DUNE COON HI, BILLY MAYS HERE PISS MALARKY DIPSHIT SACRAMENTO SUCK COCKS IN HELL! CHENEY PORCUPINE'S BALLS GIVING HEAD SHIT AUTOFELLATIO PEDOPHILIA LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you POO POO BLOWJOB.