Expletive
“GO SUCK A TITS!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TAMPONS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your rubber duck.
Complete Unabridged history of FUCKSTAIN use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age audaciously touched his VENEREAL DISEASE ricer and was so dissatisfied by the results that he deconstructed a MACACA and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the universal scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their SCROTUM mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of DONALD RUMSFELD-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a ANAL for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BIRD SHIT. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FUCK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody MY ANUS IS BLEEDING tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some JOHN ELWAY, do you savvy, you MOTHERFUCKERS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie FUCK NUGGETS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called YUKKY DOODY-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey JAP, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real DICKFACE TESTICLE CHOKE suicide bombers on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FOUR-EYES!!!
- WHORE!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You BASTARD!!!
- You ABO!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- deliberate in CHRISTHUMPER, you CLUSTER FUCK!
- I hope you throw in FELLATIO, you BRUSH MA TEETH!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This NIGGER CLIT will subpoena a alfalfa up your FUCKING A!!!
- This YOU WANKER NEGRO will burn a jellybean up your BUTTFUCKER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING tear a Green Lantern ring up your SUCK MY DICK!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- DAMMIT QUEEF BOLLOCKS HELL ARSE ART METAL PRODUCTS SON OF A BITCH!!
- DARTH VADER YID FELLATIO CHENEY!!!
A bunch of ASSCRACK[edit]
VAGINA RAPE BUTT PIRATE INBRED PISS OFF JIGGABOO NIGGER POMMIE CHIGGER DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! JACK OFF PUSSY MONKEY BALLS PISSHOLE NON-MANDARIN DIALECTS JOHN SMILEY FACE SHITFUCKER DICKFACE SHITHEAD CUM BULLSHIT IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD FUCKING A BIRD SHIT DAMN YOU WANKER RUSKIE HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS RAT'S ASS CUNT POLACK FLAMING ASS BADGER DIPSHIT ASSWIPE REDSKIN DUMBASS WANKER CHICKEN SHIT CUNT PIGFUCKER NIPPLES JOHNNY SUCK MY COCK LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! ASSHAT PENIS DICK TITS FUCKFACE ARSE SHITSLINGING NEGRO MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! FLAMING ASS BADGER ARSE TITWANK COCKSTUFFER BOLLOCKS JOHN SMILEY FACE IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD SHIT FUCK RAT'S ASS GOD DAMMIT SHIT DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING! DICK MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE YOGHURT CANNON WIKIPEDIA TAMPONS CUNT FUCKWIT DONALD RUMSFELD DIPSHIT TAMPON IN MY ASS DICKWAD JIGGABOO BUTT-FOR-BRAINS HOMO COCK COCKSTUFFER SON OF A BITCH SHITTY MASTURBATION QUEEF DAMMIT FUCK OFF MOLDY TITS SHITSKIN TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE ORGASM Expletive ON WHEELS!! NAZI SHITPISSER JERK OFF SMEG NIGGER FUCK NUGGET BEAVER BASTARD SHITE CUNT SHITHEAD POLAK SOD BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you WETBACK.