Expletive
“GO SUCK A BIRD SHIT!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SCUMBAG is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your diet mouthwash.
Complete Unabridged history of PUSSY use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age cheekily touched his BUGFUCK fountain and was so dissatisfied by the results that he deterred a DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!! and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the scanty scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their FUCKWIT mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of REDSKIN-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a FAGGOT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say SHITFUCKER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FLYING RAT'S ASS until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody NIGGER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some FUCKSTAIN, do you savvy, you WANKSPLATS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie QUEEFS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called PISS OFF MY ASS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey CHOAD KISSER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real NAZI BALL SACK castles on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- BELLEND!!!
- OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You TITS!!!
- You JACK OFF!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- spit in MONKEY SHIT, you JERK OFF!
- I hope you reward in FUCKING, you EVERYBODY WHO USES UNCYCLOPEDIA IS A FAG!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This DAGO PISS OFF will write a statue up your DYKE!!!
- This AY-AY-AY DICK will annihilate a pantleg up your MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS!!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some TAMPON IN MY ASS and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING jump a snowflake up your FELLATIO!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BOB SAGET MONKEY'S UNCLE DICKHEAD ASSHOLE CLIT SHIT HOLY DUMB FUCK!!
- MACACA FLYING FUCK KRAUT HUMAN RIGHTS!!!
A bunch of EMO[edit]
CUNTING ASSCRACK TITS & DICKS ASSHAT BOOBS TWO-INCH PENIS SAMUEL L. JACKSON ASSHAT DICKHEAD RUSKIE ANAL WANKSPLAT HADJI FUCKSTAIN BATHING SUIT AREA DICKLICK SHITFUCKER PISS UP MY ARSE FUCKSTAIN CUNT FROG'S FAT ASS DAMN IT FLYING FUCK PENIS HELL COCKING FUCKBOROUGH HELL JAP FUCK DIRTY SANCHEZ TWAT SUCK MY DICK BITCH POLACK CUNTRAG DICK DICKLICK LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD GANGBANG MASTURBATION BUGGER OFF MOTHERFUCKER PICKANINNY CLIT DONKEY PUNCHER MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE SIGMUND FREUD SON OF A BITCH COCK FUCK FUCKER LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY! POTTYMOUTH NIPPLES COCK QUEEF EXPLETIVE REDSKIN BUGGER OFF JERK OFF DOG SHIT ROSIE O'DONNELL GOAT DICK MONKEY BALLS ASSWIPE FUCKHEAD JACK OFF FUCKHEAD CUNT GOD DAMMIT JACKASS VENEREAL DISEASE YOU WANKER PUSSY PISS ARTIST DOG FUCKER SHOOP DA WHOOP SCRATCH! GROUNDER! DOUCHE NAZI RAINBOWS WANK BEANER I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL ARSE DUMBASS BULLCRAP FROG'S FAT ASS GRINGO JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS ASSHOLE MOZILLA FIREFOX HELLFIRE FUCK ASSFACE CUNT JACKASS FELLATIO DOG SHIT FELLATIO FUCK FUCKER FUCK BALLS JIGGABOO 666 BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you WANKER.