Expletive
“GO SUCK A FUCK YOU!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your GANGBANG is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your Xbox.
Complete Unabridged history of SHITHEAD use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age repulsively touched his TAFFY bazooka and was so dissatisfied by the results that he gave a TAMPON IN MY ASS and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the snug scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE! mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of FUCK YOU-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a [expletive deleted] for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CUNTRAG. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted CUNT until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody FUCKING tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some ANAL DIABETES, do you savvy, you FUCKINGS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie MOTHERFUCKERS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called DON'T FUCKING TOUCH THE NOTICE-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey CLEVELAND STEAMER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real HO DOUCHEBAG lemmings on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- JOLLY PIRATE DONUTS!!!
- PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You REDSKIN!!!
- You FELLATIO!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- whack in SHITFACE, you FRAK!
- I hope you deceive in SCRATCH! GROUNDER!, you WIENER!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This TACO LIMEY will plagiarize a diesel engine up your DONKEY PUNCHER!!!
- This SHIT FLYING FUCK will pasteurize a liger up your ASSFACE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some VAGINA and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING defenestrate a neverland up your GOBSHITE!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BELLEND KIKE SUCK MY DICK POLESMOKER CUM BUTT PIRATE CHICKEN SHIT!!
- ASSFACE BONG GOD DAMMIT PAKI!!!
A bunch of CARPET MUNCHER[edit]
DAMN PAKI CONAN O'BRIAN FLAMING ASS BADGER HELL SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM FRAK BLUMPKIN YOU WANKER ART METAL PRODUCTS BUTTFUCKER I'M FULL OF BATSHIT! MONKEY SHIT CUNT TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE SEX WOP FUCK SHITE LOGJAMMER ARSE RAT'S ASS DICKFACE EPIDIDYMIS DICK CHICKEN RUSKIE FUCKSTAIN BASTARD HELLFIRE FELLATIO FUCK YO COUCH, NIGGA GRINGO DOUCHETITS BULLSHIT POTTYMOUTH FROG FIST FUCK ASS GOD DAMN JERK OFF TITTIES FUCKTARD POMMIE DICK TITS CARPET MUNCHER DICKHEAD FROM 2 OF THE 6 WRITERS OF SCARY MOVIE DIPSHIT SCROTUM I WILL KILL YOU! DICK TITS FUCK YOU FUCK LIKE FATHER LIKE SON BITCH SHITSLINGING SACRAMENTO BIRD SHIT JAP SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS MONKEY'S UNCLE NAZI SEX ASSFACE JERRY SHAKOPEE DONGSHOVER CHIGGER WHITE PROPERTY OWNERS GOD DAMMIT SEX CAMBODIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM ABO DICKHEAD BASTARD WANK PECKERHEAD SHIT WANKSPLAT SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS LET'S SHIT MOCKIE CHRIST OF TABERNACLE PISS ARTIST FUCKING PISS ARTIST DELICIOUS CAKE JACKASS SHIT PISS OFF MY ASS COCKSTUFFER SPIC MOTHERFUCKER DYKE ROSIE O'DONNELL YUKKY DOODY BITCH TWAT WOP HELL FLYING FUCK NAZI HENTAI CHIGGER FELCHING TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you FUCKHEAD.