Dread Pirate Roberts
Also known as the Man in Black, the Dread Pirate Roberts is best known for creating Roberts' Rules of Order shortly before being vaporized by the Bunny Armada during the Potato Rebellion.
Birth
Like most pirates, the Dread Pirate Roberts was spontaneously created fully formed by Albert Einstein's mystical pirate generator, complete with a crew, the Parliament), magic swordgun (Stabby McStab), and ship, The Pirate Ship Filibuster.
This section is in here because people wonder about things like this, but it's rather insensitive to wonder, don't you think? Shame on you. Pirates don't make fun of the fact that you came out of a womb, do they?
Life before the Rules
Before the rules, life aboard The Filibuster was utter chaos. Crew members were stabbed or shot at unpredictable times, mutiny attemps came up frequently, morale was low, and every morning began by dodging the feces thrown by the cabinmonkey. But that wasn't the real problem.
The real problem was disorganization. The crew made a number of faux-pas that made them the laughingstock of the pirate community:
- The raid of a small village in England involved installing a collection of all of the hard drives in the city in City Hall rather than taking stuff.
- A collection of stores in a small town in Ireland was raped and the women were looted.
- Rather than actually stealing anything from them, "robbing" said women consisted of subjecting them to impersonations of Rob Redbeard.
- Once stole their own ship from themselves.
- Reciting the ABC'S instead of simply saying "Arrr".
- Caused cancer.
It was truly a dark time.
Life after the Rules
It was much easier to tell when someone was about to be killed. Mostly the same. It was slightly more organized. Anyway, that's about all he did other than the standard "being a pirate."
See also
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