Adele Stephens
Adele "Whoa Look At Them Thingies" Stephens, also sometimes known as Adele Stevens when she is undercover, is the worlds hottest secret agent! Born in 1967 to Samantha and Darren Stephens. Her birth name was Tabatha Stephens, but legally changed it to Adele when she was 15 to peruse a career as secret agent, Double-D-7. Since 1979 Adele has been one of the best agent's on top of her majesty's secret service. You may be wondering why she kept the same last name "Stephens" and sometimes disguises it as "Stevens"... well, she is a natural blond, so you figure it out.
“Whoa! I've never heard of this girl, but judging by that picture of her here; I'm off to search for more of her”
“She is not hot, those are so fake”
“She'd look better with a penis”
“She's not my type”
Tabitha Stephens[edit]
Tab's was born in California to her parents... naturally. For the first ten years of her life she learned how to control her powers of Witch Craft that she had inherited from her mother Darren. She grew up like any other normal child who could bring on the apocalypse if she didn't get ice cream for desert, and spent most of her youth playing with Uncle Albert's special little friend he would only show Tabitha, if she promised to never tell any one else about him, because he was a secret!!!
Tabitha was really good at keeping secrets, so good in-fact she wanted to become a secret agent after her favorite super hero of them all. Can you guess who her favorite was? You can see the picture right? That's right, it was Michael Crawford as Condom Man.
At age 17 Tabby began studying at a secret agent academy, and graduated in 2007 with high honers in the field of Secret Agent Training of the Florida University College Kids Of 2007 (FUCK007). To never let the evil villain's ever know her real identity, she changed her name to Adele Stephens and swore to never ever let anyone else in the entire world ever know her birth name was Tabitha and who her real parents are.
Agent, Adele Stephens[edit]
Now a fully qualified member of the Secret Service, Secret Agent Double-D-69-Double-O-Heaven became the secret bombshell from hell. Posing as a nude model, she soon infiltrated the Russian KGB headquarters of Octopussy and slipped a nuclear warhead inside one of Octopussy's 8 vaginas, via the use of her skills as a highly trained bisexual in the art of "Stick a ticker in a splitta via a good ole oral licka" and blew Octopussy and her 8 vagina's into smithereens.
Arch Nemesis
(I Dream Of) Ashley[edit]
A war between the Stephens family and the Nelson family started with Adele's mother Samantha and a woman named Jeanie Nelson. That is a whole other story on it's own, but the war between the two family still rages on with their children. Ashely is the daughter of Jeanie and is the sworn enemy of Adele for no reason other then family pride and who has the better looking rack. Ashley was born in 1984 and is a little chubbier then Adele's rock hard physique, but it doesn't really seem to matter, as both these woman are always enjoyable to watch when they battle head to head in a pillow fight to the death.
Adele's Hatred of McDonalds[edit]
Adele is a vegetarian, which makes McDonalds her second highest arch enemy next to Ashely. Adele was quoted in 1997 as saying: "I don't like that Ronald McDonald prick! That McFuck has always given me the McShits. He's always standing around with all them McKids around him, looking at his big McShoes, and to me, any one who wears shoes like that's just a McFuckin' clown in my book. All those McKids around him, he's got a white face and he likes children? Sounds like someone else we know... McMichael McJackson! So I go out of my way to piss off the McDonalds people; I like to go through their McDrive-Though and order a whole lot of McShit, then drive through without giving them any McMoney. It's a McLaugh! They make up a whole lot of McShit for me and I piss off on them!
It's also fun to order some McCrap, then when I pick up my order, I drive around the block, then come back and say to the McWindow servant, "5 Big Mac's are missing", meanwhile I have stashed them away! Then I pinch my kids in the backseat, so they start to cry, it really sells the situation! So the McFucker's then say, "Are you sure? I made that order." That's when I just yell at them, "ARE YOU CALLING ME A FUCKING McLIAR?". Then you get a few free things, and take them home for your dogs or something!
Except one day when a stubborn little McCunt was taking orders and wouldn't give me any McFree shit. So I said to him, "GET ME YOUR FUCKING McMANAGER you McFUCKHEAD". I said, "It's my McRight to get what I McOrdered and McPaid for, and if I feel like McComplaining, I'll fuking McSue your mad McFucking arses off! Just like that woman in McAmerica who McSued you for spilling hot McCoffee on her McVagina, your lucky my McTounge wasn't in her McPussy at the time, or you would have been sued for twice as McMuch fucking McMoney... Now get me 12 free Big Mac's, and make sure you put plenty of McMayonnaise on the bastards, because if it ain't got McMayonnaise, I cant McFukin' McTaste it!"
She then went on to further shout at the McDouchebags working there, "And whats this shit about calling them fries? We're in McEngland, it's not McFries, its fucking McCHIPS! If I have to come in here toMcMorrow, and you ain't changed it to McChips, I'm going to cause you some serious McPain... now I'm gonnah go take a McShit in your McBathroom, and leave yas a huge McNugget, then when I come back out, I want you to have filled this McBag with McServiettes and McStraws and whatever other McShit you can pile into it. Then when you fill the things placeholders back up, I'm going to come back and fucking McTake them all again!"
Adele then explained in the interview that she went to the McToilets, and discovered she fucking hated it when your in the men's room, when the bloke next to you has got a quarter-pounder, and she only had a junior burger... the thing she McHated about it, was she was a woman and it made no sense to her. When she came out of the toilet, she explained she saw Simon & Garfunkel without Simon dining in there. She said to the McManager, "What the fucks he doing here? You MadMcFucks already got one red headed clown". The manager went to get her McBurgers, she raised her voice for him to hear "make sure you put plenty of McPickles on it, in case i wanna take a nap and put em over my McFucking McEyes, ya McSqaut & McGobbles" then she McFuked-off back to her car.
Before she went home, she drove through the drive-through, once more, and ordered the wrong McShit, just for her own personal McAmusement! They said, "can we take your order?". Adele said, "Yeah, large pizza supreme" - "what?" they replied. "You heard me, a Kentucky dinner box!" Adele explained how the kids love that sorta shit, because when she goes through the drive through, they're already laughing their asses off, because they know she's going to order the wrong McShit on purpose. "The kids love it, but that Ronald McDonald, I hate that MadMcBastard! Both him and Michael Jackson stick their 30 year old meat in 9 year old buns. So I hope when Ronald McDonald dies they cremate that MadMcFuck and use his ashes as a topping on a McFlurry"
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Told you so.
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