UnNews:Wimbledon TV Coverage Lacking 'upskirt' appeal this year

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, November 17, 2024, 17:20:59 (UTC)
Wimbledon TV Coverage Lacking 'upskirt' appeal this year UnNews Logo Potato.png

1 July 2010

Old sexists complain about lack of lust objects this year.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- Tennis fans are complaining about the lack of 'upskirt' at this year's Wimbledon open championship. Keen followers of the Over Head Hit Exposing My Knickers Shot and the Crouching Down Dangling My Boobs for the Camera Angle have said this year has been the least stimulating in years.

Disappointed fans at home who had invested a lot of money to buy HDTV or 3-D television sets have been moaning on radio stations and blogs saying that tennis is not just about hitting the ball across the net but is good to jump start and arouse tired tennis skirt fantasies after years of enduring unerotic matches between Venus Williams and Serena Williams. Nor has a succession of granite faced women from Eastern Europe helped with the PHOOAAR factor when watching the game. Seeing hours of bum numbing, baseline slogging rallies is said to have reduced levels of testosterone in financial dealing rooms in London's business district.

Said one disillusioned tennis fan, Daily Sport and White van man owner David Sullivan.

"It's been a real shame this year that Wimbledon hasn't really had any decent sex...er games this year. Maria Sharapova failed early on and Britain's latest tennis hottie Laura Robson got eliminated before I had a chance to switch off the World Cup after England were booted out. I was hoping with all this slo-mo to catch a nipple peeping out from Kim Clijsters's dress or checking to see if Anna Kournikova had gone commando on Centre Court. All we had was Serena Williams juggling tennis balls and waggling her buns, and that has got no one's pulse racing."

The All England Club who run Wimbledon championship to ensure no British player can win the title, said they were sorry that mainly male viewers had failed to get their full enjoyment of tennis this year. They also said that next year they will be attaching microphones to the tennis players so you will be able to hear every grunt,scream and shout in the clearest Dolby Stereo and what then really happens in the showers at the end of the match .

Former Austrian tennis player/body builder Arnold Schwarzenegger going commando in the film Commando. Not that this photo has actually anything to do with this story.

"We are not just a bunch of Daily Mail reading sexist bigots," said one official from the club - off the record. "We in Wimbledon were hoping Sharapova would be showing her all by at least the semi finals but this year the Floridan based Russian didn't her act together. So we are sure with the changes we are going to implement, Wimbledon will definitely dish up more sex and as we can now play on late at night, introduce a few more emotionally, physically and sexual intimate games of tennis, especially in the mixed doubles. So let me urge everyone to tune in next and to see some great tennis and hopefully, the best looking woman tennis player going all the way on Centre Court in front of the Royal Box."

The unofficial spokesman for the club added that "fans of the male tennis players at Wimbledon should get a life, cook their husband's dinner or go out clubbing at bisexual nightclubs for their fun" . He also said that British tennis hope Andy Murray was 'about as hot as a pickled Scotch Egg left out in the sun for a week'. In other words - for the UK - quite a lot.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Wimbledon_TV_Coverage_Lacking_%27upskirt%27_appeal_this_year&oldid=5377461"