UnNews:Hurricane Karl slams into Delaware

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16 September 2010

By day's end, both combatants were able to laugh off the day's barbs and return to the real business of conniving the voters.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Tuesday's big Republican Party primary elections are complete, and the results are clear. Sarah Palin endorsed conservatives in Alaska and Delaware, moderates in Arizona and New Hampshire, some of her picks won, and some of them lost--In all, a veritable grand slam that prompted the incisive Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts to sniff, "The Tea Party is Sarah Palin's personal pet," speaking from his new yacht, which is berthed out-of-state.

But the biggest fireworks were on Fox News, where Karl Rove, the Machiavellian mastermind of the successful presidency of George W. Bush, tore into out-of-nowhere Republican winner Christine O'Donnell of Delaware. "What about her unpaid bills? her lawsuits? There's no way we're going to win this seat now!" Ms. O'Donnell, who is probably not related to Rosie O'Donnell, edged out Sen. Mike Castle, who has been in Congress since before Ms. O'Donnell was born.

By the end of Wednesday, Sen. Castle, as a good party man, had been on the phone commisserating with President Obama, though he had not yet congratulated Ms. O'Donnell, and Mr. Rove was insisting on Fox that his remarks were only designed to prod Rush Limbaugh to prod his listeners to PayPal another million dollars to Ms. O'Donnell's campaign, and that as a Fox commentator, he is now allowed to "speak ill of Republicans" anyway without violating the famous rule of Ronald Reagan. "People want me to call 'em as I see 'em," Mr. Rove clarified, in contrast to when he worked in the Bush White House.

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Tea Party shocked at new crop of mediocre candidates

The current White House declared that "Delaware will never elect a U.S. Senator who says goofy and ridiculous things, and whose speeches raise issues of integrity." The speaker was Vice President Joe Biden, in the White House washroom; and yes, there were towels covering all the mirrors.

Sources[edit]

  • John Kerry was quoted in the Boston Herald; Joe Biden was mentioned in Jon Keller's commentary on WBZ 1030 in Boston.
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