UnNews:Drunken expletive-laced rant lands soulless marketing drone in prison

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Drunken expletive-laced rant lands soulless marketing drone in prison UnNews Logo Potato.png

31 July 2010

Clearly MTV has some bugs to work out of the current models.

SEASIDE HEIGHTS, New Jersey -- Another booze-filled night has ended and another MTV prototype drone has found itself behind bars. Soulless marketing drone #5N0OKI, codename Snooki followed fellow prototype #R0NX2I3's example set back in September of 2009 by spending a night in jail for wandering into a police station and unleashing an expletive-laced, homophobic, anti-Semitic rant at anyone willing to listen.

You [[expletive removed]] Jews don't know how lucky you [[expletive removed]] have it! You [[expletive removed]] [[expletive removed]] more money than any of us [[expletive removed]] Guidos! And those [[expletive removed]] GAYS! Don't get me started on those [[expletive removed]] pansy-[[expletive removed]] [[expletive removed]]! [[expletive removed]] those gays with their [[expletive removed]] non-Guidoness! Never have I ever gotten one good piece of [[expletive removed]] advice on what to wear from those [[expletive removed]]! I could [[expletive removed]] better fashion tips out of my [[expletive removed]] than I could get from those [[expletive removed]] Queermosexuals! [[expletive removed]] them all! Especially the [[expletive removed]] Po-po! [[expletive removed]] the PO-LEECE!

At this point there was no less than 4 police officers had #5N0OK1 pinned to the floor. Screams of "You can't tell me what to do - I'm Serial Code: #5N0OK1! Do you know who I am? I'm [[expletive removed]] Serial Code: #5N0OK1!" could be heard emanating throughout the halls of the station for the entire booking process. Fortunately for the sanity of the police, and the people doing time in the prison.

MTV officials initially declined to comment on the arrest of #5N0OK1, but have since announced production of the 2011 Soulless Marketing Drone XK1011 line, which will star in a currently unnamed, but sure to be a hit television show planned for the summer of 2011. "I don't want to let too much out, but lets just say that Long Beach Island will never be the same again." Claimed one of MTV's sales representatives.