Rest of the world
“There ain't no such thing, it all librl' lies by micheal moore!”
“Rest of the world? They belong to us right?”
The Rest of the world is a term that refers to all land on the planet Earth which is not within the physical boundaries of the United States of America. Many Americans consider what goes on in this distant place to be irrelevant. American voters do not actually consider this mysterious land when electing presidents. This is why George W. Bush was re-elected in 2004 despite his disastrous foreign policy involving the War in Iraq. They prefer to focus on how gay marriage would destroy the world.
Little is actually known about this mysterious region known as "the rest of the world." Two areas bordering the United States which are said to be included in the rest of the world are Canada and Mexico, though some view Canada as the northern extension of America, except for that weird French part. Other distinguished parts of the "rest of world" include Europe, where white people came from during Exodus, and Asia, where all electronics in America are made.
The Rest of World (ROW) is a vast wasteland lying directly to the North, South, East and West of the United States of America. Little is known about ROW's history; many speculate that it was formed in 1940 by the evil God, as a testing ground for nuclear weapons.
Discovery of the Rest of the World
After declaring freedom from the rest of the world, America eventually forgot that it existed. Eventually, a man named Benjamin Franklin went somewhere called France. Since that time, Americans have reluctantly agreed that the rest of the world actually does exist, except for maybe Greenland.
ROW is estimated to contain at least 63% of the Earth's land space within its boundaries. Its time zones are -12 UTC to +12 UTC. It has been said, presumably by Oscar Wilde, that the Sun never sets on ROW. This is probably because all the people would burn to death if it did.
There are three main parts of ROW: North ROW, the rich area; South ROW, the poor area; and Anomalous ROW, the parts which don't fit in economically with their northness or southness.
Areas especially mysterious include Australia, the forsaken land, England, the charming yet repulsive land, Canada, the bitch, and that whole, African-Euro-Asian-Pacific area which has little to do with anything.
Its main imports are Freedom and Democracy. Ever since Thomas Jefferson discovered Freedom and Democracy in America in 1776, the United States have regularly produced abundant surpluses of these goods. This is fortunate for ROW, which has no natural sources of Freedom and Democracy at all, so is dependent on America for regular deliveries. These are also known as invasions.
For some reason, the people of ROW can't decide on a currency. Many choose something which they call the dollar, but is worth less than an American dollar because ROW isn't as good as America. Others have chosen to use currencies in which the most simple of commodities is worth millions of units; this is generally seen as an easy way of becoming a millionaire.
Many people in ROW speak English, which is the same as American English except they spell words differently and say them in a silly accent. Others do not, which makes it difficult to know much about their culture. However, experiments in Guantanamo Bay have shown that these non-English speaking types are capable of speaking such phrases as "Have mercy" and "Please let me die".
Much of ROW is now connected to the internet, although they don't produce anything of interest on it (with the possible exception of Stephen Fry's twitter account). Some countries in ROW block much of the internet from their own people, presumably because they see becoming more like America as a bad thing. America has tried to help with this by blocking much of the internet off to ROW, by a process called "geo blocking" which hides all the best bits away. They can only see the trailers. This ensures people in ROW have to keep using the donkey carts down to the local blockbuster.
Facts About the Rest of the World
- They use the metric system.
- Their leader is Kofi Annan.
- They only watch American movies.
- They actually watch the Olympics.
- They all speak English (or should).
- They just don't understand Americans.
- They let America do whatever it wants.
- They like McDonald's, too.
- They invented pizza.
- They (not too) secretly hate America, whilst America thinks they love 'em.
- Their men wear bikinis.
- 12/13 of the worlds population lives here (1/13 reside safely within the United States).
People from the Rest of the World
- Michael J. Fox
- Bob Marley
- The Pope
- That annoying British guy on American Idol
- Nicole Kidman
- Michael Jackson
- Attila the Hun
- Johnny Depp
- Speedy Gonzales
- Your taxi driver
- Santa Claus