Geena Davis
“Geena Davis, such an attractive woman. It's a pity she's not a man.”
“Geena Davis...kinda just, disapeared.”
“Hey Chris? Whatever happened to Geena Davis? She used to be in movies but she's not in movies anymore. I guess she could be, but she has too much gum. Her tooth-to-gum ratio isn't too good.”
Virgina Elizabeth Geena Davis is a well known actress who has won an Academy Award and a Golden Globe. She is also a former fashion model and baboon hybrid.
Early Life[edit]
Davis was born to Phallus and Ni-Pul Davis (both Civil War heroes and LiveJournal webmasters). Her parents had spotted the talent in Davis after she repeated the phrase "Supercalifragilisticexpialidoucious is a hard word to spell" articulately. Eventually, her charisma and speech skills had gone beyond any normal child and at the age of 13 was already a preacher. At the age of 21, Davis received her bachelor's degree in Drama and Proptology from New England's College for Drama and Assholes. In 1979, she took a Protologist's tour in Jesusland and became fluent in engrish.
Personal Life[edit]
God-knows how many times Davis has been married, but here is a list of all the people recorded:
- Jeff Goldblum
- David Beckham
- Zinedine Zidane
- Renny Harlin
- Kobe Bryant
- Usher
- Brad Bitt...er...Pitt
- Rocky Balboa
- Vin Diesel
- Jude Law
- Nude Law
- Jewd Law
- Rosie the Dyke (It was a love-hate relationship)
- Homer Simpson
- Peter Griffin
- Phillip J. Fry
- The Girl from Code: LYOKO
- Madonna O_o
- Matt Damon
Davis has an IQ of 455, making her the second-smartest person in the world (Next to The Pimp Lord).
Career[edit]
After graduating, Davis signed a deal with New York Zoli (Now known as Original Ray's Clothing Line) to serve as a mannequin. However, contrary to what she thought, she literally became a mannequin! One day, director Sydney the Polish Guy came along and saw her in the window, and thought she would be perfect for his upcoming movie Tootsie Rolls. He bought her for a price of $345.50 and made her an actress. She then stared in the less popular television series Buffalo Bill Clinton and then Sarah Silverstien. Davis made a breakthrough with The Flea and Beetlejuice. She received an Oscar the Pimp as Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Tourist Accidently Kills Someone and a Best Actress nomination for her role in Bonnie and Clyde. Davis replaced Debra Wanker for the lead in A League of Their Own. Her first starring vehicle Hero was a box office flop, causing orphans to explode and cars to be slaughtered...Or was it the other way around?
Archery[edit]
Geena Davis is an experience archer and tried out for the 1936 Olympics. Having not qualified (Hitler thought her toothy grin too "Jewish"), she later auditioned for the role of Legolas in the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy. Losing out to Orlando Florida (who would go on to win an Academy Award for Best City In A Motion Picture), Davis became despondent and decided to join American forces in Iraq where her archery skills have proven useful as she has persuaded insurgents to play William Tell wit her(they put an apple on their head and she promptly shoots them in the face with an arrow).
Her love of archery as also led to a renewed love life. At shooting practice, she met a rather bashful Green Arrow. After defeating Lex Luthor's Robot Army, the two have been a regular fixture at shooting ranges throughout Los Angels and Capital City. They plan to marry at the Justice League Headquarters later this year where the Green Lantern will stand as Best Man and Supergirl will serve as Bride's Maid.
The Disapearence of Geena Davis[edit]
After the filming of Stuart Little III, Geena Davis just...kinda disapeared. The New York Times gave out a $50,000 reward to anyone who could find her. No one was succesful, and people have searched everywhere. In the playground, at home, in the Malt Shop, at the swimming hole, EVERYWHERE! And yet, no sign of Mrs. Davis. Many sources specualte that Bill Nye the Science Guy may have kidnapped her, but this is highly unlikely.
Popularity[edit]
Despite the substansial loss it has been, the disapearence of Geena Davis did spark the ceation of many "Geena Davis is missing" products, such as computer games, children's books, and movies.
The first of which came from the most popular children's book series Where's Geena? children would have fun trying to locate Ms. Davis on every page. Some famous locations include the White House, the Million Man March, and Pamela Anderson's pussy. Next came the popular computer games called Where in the World is Geena Davis?, where children would have fun exploring all the countries and states in search for Mrs. Davis.
Three movies are currently in production based on Geena's disapearence. They will form a trilogy (Much like Star Wars except that there won't be six movies and retared Darth Vader jokes), and will be directed by world-renowned director Izzy Naked. The Vageena Monologues will be released this April, where as Steel Vageena will be released in 2010. The final movie, Vageena Cancer will be released in 2011.
Filmography[edit]
- Tootsie Rolls (1982)
- A Story of Dyslexia: Feltch (1985)
- Pennysilvania 6-5000 (1985)
- The Flea (1986)
- Beetlejuice (1988)
- Earth Girls Have Sex Very Easy But Try Banging A Broad From Alpha Centari (1988)
- Men are from Venus cause they have a Penis, Duh (1988)
- The Tourist Accidently Kills (1988)
- Quick Change: Three-Fity (1990)
- Bonnie and Clyde (1991)
- A League of Their Own (1992)
- Sonic Heroes (1992)
- Princess Escargo and the Fabulous Snail (1993) (short subject) (voice)
- Angel + a (1994)
- Speechless (1994) (also producer)
- Slitthroat Island (1995)
- Fucky Fucky Sucky Sucky (1996) (also producer)
- Stuart Little (1999)
- Stuart Little 2 (2002)
- Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild (2006) (voice)
- Stuart Little 4: Birth Of A Turd (2008) (voice,grip)
- Stuart Little 5: Stuart Dies And Goes To Hell (2009) (makeup)