Edit War

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A shocking scene of chaos and death in the Edit War
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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Edit War.

Twenty-two thousand dead in aftermath of the Wiki Edit War.

“If I died in the edit war, I would never die another death.”

~ Abraham Lincoln on Killing Oscar Wilde in the Edit War

The Edit War, also known as the Wiki Edit War, is an ongoing international conflict that has claimed the lives (to date) of approximately 22,000 throughout the world since it began on October 15, 1999. The conflict has taken place on over 3,800,000 battlefields, with 1,000,000 of those being in the supposed English-speaking region of the world. The vast majority of combatants and casualties have been nerds, immature morons, and opinionated dicks arguing over things that nobody cares about.

Famous battles[edit]

The Battle of Kittens and Grues[edit]

One scene in the battle
And another scene in the battle

Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world in his sleigh. This is still going on. Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on. Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on. Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on. Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on. Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.Once, Grues, being what they are, killed a kitten. The cats and kittens were so upset that this war started. Then, of course, kitten huffing was invented, while God dropped kittens around the world. This is still going on.

The Aptly Named Battle of Guns[edit]

Guns – A vital tool in the battle of guns and kitten huffing.

In what appears to be the least noticed battle of the century, all stops were pulled when Christians Against Guns (CAG) and the National Rifle Association (NRA) clashed over content hosted on Wikipedia. Fighting has been brutal with both sides taking heavy casualties. Hostilities were started when CAG responded to the NRA's accusations of editing their Wiki entry with "So what? What are you going to do about it?".

CAG claims the NRA are worshiping their guns (phallic symbols and graven images), which goes against the code of the bible. The NRA claim a God given right to their guns and threaten anyone that tries to take them away. Charlton Heston, spokesman for the NRA, says "You're gonna have to pry my guns from my cold dead fingers, and if any of you even think of trying I have some Double-O-Buck with your name on it".

Listed among the dead are Arnold Schwartznegger and Michael Moore. Schwartznegger apparently died after he shot Moore and Moore fell on him crushing him to death. Moore plans on killing more members of the NRA by coming back from the dead to film another Liberal documentary and forcing NRA members to watch it. He figures for them it will be a "fate worse then death, or at least worse than a really bad haircut".

The hostilities have created a gun shortage causing gun and ammo prices to skyrocket. G.W. Bush was reported to have just sat there with a blank look on his face when notified of the mounting dead. Then sixtey nine people were killed by an anti-semetic cow.

The Battle of Jesus[edit]

Jesus was once a baby. Then he became a man (erotically). Then he became a diety. Then he became the best damned gee-tar player in the entire damned world. Also Crete.

Much like Soundwave, Jesus rocked the house.

Perhaps the most well known and costliest (in terms of lives) battle is the Battle of Jesus, which has been fought about 60 kajillion times now. The common goal of battle combatants was to express their mediocre POVs because they are right and everyone else is wrong. Historians generally agree that the bloodshed could have been prevented if participants had realized that there were multiple Jesuses, and that many of them, with seemingly contradictory facts, were all right. Except the Catholics. They are and always will be wrong about God.

A list of all action in the Battle of Jesus would overload your computer; however key events that occurred within the battle consisted of:

  • 00:00 25 December 0000 Original Jesus born.
  • 07:30 02 April 0033 Judas (as played by Ben Vereen) coincidently finds thirty pieces of silver.
  • 15:00 03 April 0033 Ouch!
  • 15:00 05 April 0033 Jesus is back! Now as zombie!
  • 12:28 23 January 0050 Pope writes down and publishes Jesus’s Illustrated Pop-Up Book Adventures, now simply called The Bible.
  • 13:40 11 June 1520 Martin Luther does substantial rewrite, translation.
  • 07:19 12 June 1520 Catholics revert.
  • 17:30 13 June 1520 Martin Luther reverts.
  • 18:12 13 June 1520 Catholics revert.

(revert war goes on for about 4 hours, tons of reverts happen)

The Battle of Jesus still rages today, with daily arguing and whining continued.

The Battle of Fries versus Chips[edit]

British troops defend their honor

Another famous battle of the Edit War is known informally as the Battle of Fries v. Chips, which is also known as Elevator v. Lift, Lawyer v. Solicitor, Color v. Colour, Gas v. Petrol, Apartment v. Flat, Sausage v. Banger, Soccer v. Football, and Ho vs. A Wee Bit o Skirt. The battle was fought between combatants of the British Empire and its break-off rouge commonwealth, the United States of America.

Fighting began early on September 7, 2004 (argued by some to be 7 September 2004), and quickly turned deadly. Highlights of the battle included:

  • 1:33, 7 September 2004 johnbull adds completely unnecessary letter "u" after appearances of letter "o."
  • 7:38 7 September 2004 godblessUSA removes "u" from words. In retaliation, replaces real word "centre" with fake word "center."
  • 21:16 7 September 2004 johnbull reverts "center" to "centre."
  • 03:47 8 September 2004 godblessUSA tosses grenade over Atlantic Ocean, 27 die. Edits test in article from "David Beckham is an English Footballer" to “David Beckham is an English Soccer Player."
  • 07:50 8 September 2004 johnbull burns down Whitehouse, 54 die. Replaces all "Soccer" with "Football" and edits previous "Football" articles to "American Football."
  • 08:17 8 September 2004 godblessUSA replaces "Football" with "Gay European Kickball," reverts "American Football" to "Football."
  • 08:18 8 September 2004 johnbull unleashes mad cow disease on US, 1378 die. Replaces full text in article "United States" to read "BUGGER OFF YANKEE WANKER."
  • 08:19 8 September 2004 godblessUSA launches cruise missile at Brighton, 1920 die. Adds to johnbull discussion page, "FUCK YOU LIMEY BITCH!"
  • 08:27 8 September 2004 johnbull and godblessUSA both shot in the head.

The battle concluded after approximately 31 hours, leaving a final death toll of 3381.

The Battle of Everything is a Racist Conspiracy[edit]

A chaotic and bitter battle that, like the Battle of Jesus, continues to rage today is the Battle of Everything is a Racist Conspiracy. In this battle every race has accused every other race of conspiring against them. The turmoil has led to multiple lynchings, decapitations, defenestrations and at least 4-5 Dirty Sanchezes. Accounts of the battle include:

Heroic fighter for equal rights.
  • 15:34 1 February 2005 EbonyX rewrites Cleopatra article to make sure she is black, and that the systematically biased and discriminatory Eurocentric powers-that-be know it.
  • 13:06 3 February 2005 Historian reverts.
  • 12:15 4 February 2005 EbonyX restores to 15:34 1 February 2005 rewrite. Criticizes hypocrite White society for cultural bias and racism.
  • 05:39 4 February 2005 Alabaman kid replaces text of "Black History Month" with "NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER, etc."
  • 06:13 6 February 2005 EbonyX reverts. Diatribe on how whole of white devil race is to blame for one stupid Alabaman.
  • 05:17 8 February 2005 Redneck wipes EbonyX’s discussion page, replaces with pictures of penises.
  • 21:47 12 August 2005 EbonyX redirects Original Jesus to Black Jesus.
  • 05:40 13 August 2005 Pope reverts.
  • 23:42 05 December 2005 Fatwah1 edits article "Earthquake," notes Jews as cause.
  • 22:55 06 December 2005 Rabbi69 reverts.
  • 15:06 07 December 2005 Fatwah1 edits article "9/11," notes Jews as perpetrators.
  • 18:50 07 December 2005 Rabbi69 reverts. Redirects "Muslim" to "Suicide Bomber".
  • 05:16 09 December 2005 Fatwah1 edits article "Suicide Bomber," notes Jews as perpetrators.
  • 12:49 13 December 2005 Nazi wipes article "Jew," replaces text with "hail hitlur u stupid jews!"
  • 10:07 14 December 2005 Rabbi69 restores "Suicide Bomber," "Jew" articles. Posts crazy orthodox end of days rant.
  • 16:15 24 December 2005 Jerry Falwell edits "Jesus" and "Jews" articles to note that greedy Jews killed Jesus.
  • 00:06 25 December 2005 Rabbi69 places FictionalCharacters category tag on "Jesus" article.
  • 11:14 25 December 2005 Fatwah1 edits article "Cancer," notes Jews as cause, then stones wife to death.
  • 11:15 25 December 2005 Mexican Parade JEWgayAZNfuck

Peace[edit]

After all these wars, there was a period of peace. Which, if you think about it, is a good thing because after a while they just got repetetive for everyone involved. This included the kittens, who, by now, were really way out there in the scheme of things.

See Also[edit]

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