Defenestrate

“I remember my first defenestration, it was in Prague. He was a fine strapping lad.”

~ Oscar Wilde on defenestration

Olympic Event

In the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin, defenestration was a team event held at the Reichstag in which competetors would see how many bureaucrats they could remove from the building in the allotted time. The favored technique was to seize them and push them through the nearest window. Extra points were awarded for the use of props, such as showers of paper, tying to furniture, or the use of fire. Defenestration went out of fashion with the rise of democracy, though it is currently experiencing a revival due to the popularatiy of reality televison shows such as Jackass and Survivor.

Defenestrating your Computer

The act of defenestration is to uninstall Microsoft Windows from your computer and installing a better alternative operating system, such as OS/2, MS-UNO or Linux. The term was coined in the days of Windows 95 when the only way to correct some of the flaws inherent in Windows was to pick up your computer and throw it out the nearest window and go out and buy an Apple Macintosh. This is becoming popular again due to Windows XP which has similar flaws and is almost as useless. The next version of Windows, currently called Vista is reported to be so bloated that it can no longer be defenestrated in the usual manner, first the computer must be compressed, a 12 pound hammer is recommended. However, Apple has some of the same problems. The best way for one to accelerate their Mac is also at 9.8 meters per second squared. If you are consistently forced to defenestrate your computer, you may want to just revert to the stone age, where rocks solve everyone's problems.

History of defenestration

Archaeologists believe that defenestration was first practiced by the ancient Egyptians. In order to keep out the murdering heat and blinding sunlight, not to mention the aroma smell odour stench of decomposing camel dung, Pharaoh Syl-Via of the Tóth Dynasty decreed that all windows and other openings in his her palace walls were to be

The ruins of Syl-Vias palace. Notice how the brick and mortar has not withstood the passing of time, crumbling to dust and opening up the windows once again

sealed with brick and mortar. This unorthodox method of removing windows from buildings soon became quite popular and eventually led to the construction of the Greater and Lesser Pyramids. Unfortunately, after sealing the last window in the palace walls personally from the inside Syl-Via was never heard from again (though it is said that muffled cries where heard from within the building for some days after the ceremony).

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