Good afternoon stranger. I see that you're on a boat, you're holding a crossbow, and there's an albatross circling overhead. Before you decide whether to pull that trigger and send it plummeting to its death, you may want to read this article, so that you might make an informed decision. One reason sometimes cited for albatrossicide is accidental negligence. However, you're not reading this article in order to determine whether or not you should accidentally do something you don't intend to. So let's move on.
A less common explanation given by a man who has just shot an albatross is that he mistook it for a pirate. Don't worry: this is a perfectly understandable mistake.However, there are several key identifying factors you can use to distinguish an albatross from a pirate.
- A pirate will eye your booty avariciously. An alabatross will eye your popcorn instead.
- A pirate is most often seen on the deck of a ship. If it is circling your boat in the sky overhead, it is probably not a pirate, but an albatross.
- Given enough time, a pirate will solve a Rubik's cube. An albatross will never solve it, no matter how long it tries. If you have a Rubik's cube on board, consider giving it to your visitor and observing the outcome.
- A pirate is human. An albatross is a bird. However, be careful of relying too heavily on this test. Sometimes a pirate will put a bird on his shoulder in order to foil it.
Recently featured: Why?:Shoot the albatross - Why?:Vandalize - Why?:Do I need to provide this? - Why?:Destroy the Rainforest - Why?:Buy a Cereal-o-Matic - Why?:Buy a Cereal-o-Matic - Why?:My homework was late - Why?:Knot? - Why?:Categorise pages - Why?:Mickey Mouse Is Corrupting Our Youth And Destroying Our Childhoods - Why?:Isn't anybody watching "Pushing Daisies"? - Why?:Take Your Fish To Work - Why?:Does it burn when I pee - Why?:Get Drunk - Why?:Am I a Power Ranger? - Why?:Does Mads Mikkelsen not speak one line of dialogue in Valhalla Rising? - Why?:Put Down the Duckie? - Why?:Should Women Vote - Why?:Remove Your Penis - Why?:Will none of the other children play with you? - Why?:Rocket Science ain't exactly Brain Surgery - Why?:Did The Monkey Fall Out Of The Tree? - Why?:Divorce Is Good
Already featured Why?: Why?:Do I have a drug dealer on my buddy list? - Why?:Is My House Mad At Me - Why?:Shoot homeless people? - Why?:Use a wooden condom - Why?:Should you get a new couch? - Why?:Care About Black People - Why?:Watergate Does Not Bother Me - Why?:Blame Hitler - Why?:Pour Boiling Hot Water Down Your Trousers? - Why?:Do all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent? - Why?:Isn't there a toilet in the woods? - Why?:Me - Why?:Remove Your Penis - Why?:Do Your Chores? - Why?:Brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack? - Why?:Do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? - Why?:Has God Forsaken Me? - Why?:Reinvent the wheel - Why?:Why do Non-Conservatives Exist? - Why?:Life sucks - Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast - Why?:Don't You Get a Job? - Why?:Does Everyone Hate Sonic the Hedgehog - Why?:It's worth learning Bahasa Indonesia - Why?:Buy shares in BAE Systems - Why?:Won't this stupid TV work?!? - Why?:I'm In court, Mum - Why?:Read this article? - Why?:Drive A Classic Car - Why?:Do I have this pungent stench? - Why?:Have an alienating music taste - Why?:Not go to the Philippines? - Why?:Fight Club is a cop out? - Why?:Electrical engineers are cooler than mechanical engineers - Why?:Stick Things in the Microwave Oven - Why?:Use a G-class router - Why?:You shouldn't take acid before riding a bicycle - Why?:Be a transvestite if you're not going to put any effort into it? Why?:Did I Decide to Audition for Big Brother? - Why?:You should not be a cannibal - Why?:Is a dead body lying on my couch? - Why?:Does an Aircraft Crash? - Why?:I'm hot - Why?:Won't that damn CD player play my vinyls? - Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans - Why?:Are we here? - Why?:Play Bass? - Why?:Do Florida's animals suck?
Deleted featured Why?: Why?:Being a pimp is a big responsibility - Why?:Does my stepdad suck? - Why?:Climb Mount Everest? - Why?:Water is good for our health? - Why?:Bother?