Why?:It's worth learning Bahasa Indonesia
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Finally. So you've noticed that all your friends learn a foreign language whilst you've wasted your precious time in front of a computer? I think that it's the perfect time to change your boring geeky lifestyle. Instead of playing idiotic games all day you should start to learn a new language. It's always worth an effort. But... there are over six-thousand languages in this weird world, and You need to make the crucial decision - which to choose? At this point people are usually afraid of wasting their time, but you've already wasted so much of your worthless life that it just doesn't matter any more. And here is where I come in. I'd like to present you several reasons to encourage you to learn the noble Bahasa Indonesia!
The first and most obvious reason to learn Bahasa Indonesia is to dramatically increase your prestige in the community. Think about it. Your friends learn some boring and common languages like French, German, Spanish and Italian. Some others learn those that used to be unpopular several years ago, but even Japanese is nothing exceptional nowadays. But do you know anyone who learns Bahasa Indonesia? I bet you don't! Oh, of course there are many other overlooked languages. I wouldn't bother: Arabic has a fucked-up writing system, Swahili, Croatian and Georgian have too many unpronounceable consonant clusters, and Luxembourgish, though useful, looks plain daft on paper. So what is the only normal but still exotic language that remains? Bahasa Indonesia! It's obvious when you think about it.
Supplement to reason one
Learning Bahasa Indonesia has some advantages over learning the other languages. If you live in a Western country, you don't have to be really good at learning the language. You simply make some characteristic sounds (not dissimilar to fingernails on a blackboard), giving the impression you are able to speak fluently. However you should reconsider that kind of behaviour - nobody likes a show-off.
As I mentioned, neither your friends nor your enemies know Bahasa Indonesia. Therefore, after you have learnt Bahasa Indonesia, you will be able to insult them in language they won't understand! And they won't know about it! You're probably a skinny geek or you wouldn't waste so much time on the internet. You never insult people in your native language because bullies would beat you up. And insulting anybody in Bahasa Indonesia is something you could talk about to your grandchildren! Though, of course, being a skinny geek, you probably won't have grandchildren. Borrow someone else's; they won't mind. Honest.
People experience many different adventures during their long life. For example, you may accidentally get into organized crime, it can happen to anyone. Then your friends are busted by cops. What should you do? The obvious solution is an escape to another country (testifying against your friends is NOT a good option). Wherever you go, you need to know the language, otherwise you're screwed. Imagine arriving in Brazil without even being able to ask for directions in Brazilian... Brazilish... Brazilenese, yes, that's the word. After a few hours someone calls the police because some fucking foreigner is screwing around. The policemen arrest you and you are extradited back to your country. Do NOT pass go or collect £200. But if you knew Bahasa Indonesia, you could escape to Indonesia and live there like any other foreigner wanting to move to this wonderful country, full of freedom and happiness.
There are about 500 channels available via a typical satellite decoder; 70 of them are blocked and 350 are in foreign languages no one speaks - like German, Italian or Chinese. If you knew Bahasa Indonesia you would gain additional channels as you would understand what they're talking about on Indonesian channels. You would learn how to worship the most magnificent Indonesian leader - Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono! Think of the fun your missing!
Orangutans are critically endangered species. You need to save those noble apes! Do you know where they live? On Indonesian islands. Pity them. You need to learn Bahasa Indonesia, then travel to Sumatra and help to save them from the scientists who want to experiment on them. The local residents just want to eat the bits the scientists don't need any more. You can become the Orangutan Saviour, and take them back to civilisation! Only if you knew Bahasa Indonesia.
Oh, I almost forgot the most important thing. Do you understand that speaking Bahasa Indonesia can give you a nice job? Do you know how to translate between Bahasa Indonesia and your language? You would be the only one. Of course, you may still dream about being a rock star or the new Brett Favre, but I have to cruelly tell you the truth: dreams never come true. You won't be a politician or a billionaire either. Your life will suck. But you can have a nice life as a translator of an unpopular to learn language. Consider those options carefully. Face it, you don't have a choice, do you? You were destined to be sold into the bondage that is translating. Say bye-bye to your soul!
Now I have some Bahasa Indonesia trivia for you.
- Did you know that over 200 million people speak this language?
- But I'm sure you didn't know that there are only 17 million native speakers of Bahasa Indonesia.
- And that means that 183 million people will understand what you say without being able to laugh at your accent because their's is even worse.
Do you see this? Just go and learn. Nobody will even notice your incompetence!
If I still haven't convinced you, I have something extra that will break your stubborn attitude. Barack Obama speaks Bahasa Indonesia! Wouldn't you like to be as wonderful as the American president? Of course you would! You've already bought a Portuguese water dog, exactly the same as Obama's. And, moreover, you painted your house white! Is there anything else you can do to resemble Obama more? Yes! You can learn Bahasa Indonesia. Learn it quickly and learn it now!
Still wondering whether learning Bahasa Indonesia is worth it? Then you're an idiot. Well.. you are the geek so... OK, I tried. I know I didn't persuade you to take up learning Bahasa Indonesia but at least I tried to change your shitty life! You play World of Warcraft and Half Life 20 hours a day! Look at yourself! If you knew Bahasa Indonesia you would maybe even impress some neat girl! Who knows? But now not! It's all lost! Get back to your non-existent life then, you ungrateful git.
I really wanted to help you...
|Featured Why? Article||Featured on the 8th of May 2010|