Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/September 3

September 3: International Festival of Frowning at Cows (Saskatchewan)

• c.8500 BCE - God creates domesticated cattle and frowns, as he has just spent many hours at the local Build-a-Bear store trying to make a teddy bear.
• c.4000 BCE - Whales invent sonar but lose the rights when their patent expires.
• 1056 BCE - Theseus manages a half frown when encountering the Minotaur but only after shitting his pants first.
• 447 BCE - The word "fabulous" is invented by Plato.
• 15 BCE - Roman poet Ovid writes "A smile is frown turned upside down" and is immediately struck by a thunderbolt thrown by Zeus.
• 65 CE - Romans invent the frownie face to use as scarecrows but find it is off-putting to cows.
• 998 - England's King Æthelred II frowns when he sees cows wandering loose in the north. It is not until several advisors speak up and inform him that they are actually Vikings that he decides to do something. And that is to find a castle in the south to hide in.
• 1189 - Richard the Lionheart is crowned King of England at Westminster, followed by a successful reign consisting chiefly of lazing in the sun and ridding the British Isles of zebras.
• 1445 - The happy face is rediscovered after being lost for hundreds of years, making cows happy, too. Yet, its only user would be Leonardo da Vinci for the next 500 years.
• 1783 - The American Revolutionary War comes to an end with the Treaty of Paris. While America wins, it concedes that Britain is still better than France.
• 1893 - Bank robbers hijack a Ferris wheel and use it to escape from police.
• 1939 - Adolf Hitler embarks on his global tour, performing to a sold-out crowd in Warsaw.
• 1974 - William Shatner discovers the world's largest known deposits of tiberium in his back garden.
• 1978 - Americans throw their disused Chia Pets and pet rocks into the back corner of a closet along with their notions of what democracy is supposed to be.
• 2005 - Bob sits down for dinner and frowns at his overcooked steak.