UnNews:Kanye enters race for Deity

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29 August 2015

Kanye West is confident he'll make a better deity than Taylor Swift or Beyoncé.

LOS ANGELES, California -- Kanye West has announced he will run for Lord Almighty in the 2020 deity election campaign. Announcing his candidacy while accepting the MTV Video Vanguard award, West said that he has already became the savior of rock, despite being a rapper and not a rock musician, so there is no reason why he can’t be the savior of mankind.

West said that, after smoking a spliff back stage, he found himself in a contemplative mood and in a moment of clarity, saw where God was going wrong. “It’s all about getting the right promotion team behind you,” said West. “The incumbent God uses the Church — not exactly cool or high profile! I mean, when was the last time you saw him at the MOJO’s or Glastonbury?

“God ain’t even cocked-up a streaming music app or produced Deric "D-Dot" Angelettie,” the star continued, “so how he gonna' run the universe better than me? He don’t even have no iPhone, for Chrissakes. 2019 years in power is enough, man, we seriously need get some Gangsta goin’ down at The Kingdom of Kanye.”

The announcement to run for Supreme Being was no surprise, as it seems West does have extraterrestrial powers, especially at convincing people of his supreme talent at just about everything. However, critics of West say that the ability to gain sufficient public support to convince everyone that he has super abilities, is only the same power as God’s deputy, Jesus Christ. Thus, leaping over Jesus to go straight for the top seat seems cheekier than Donald Trump, who has set his sights comparatively low.

In 2009, West invited controversy in the divinity world by interrupting Taylor Swift’s announcement to run for Jesus. West cut down Swift, saying that Jesus should have been replaced by Beyoncé years ago.

At the MTV event last night, West told the audience: "I'm confident. I believe in myself as God. If I can cover Bohemian Rhapsody on stage and Fat Bottomed Girls at home, I can cover His Holiness. We the millennials, bro. This is a new mentality. We not going to control our kids with brands, we not going to teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We going to teach them to believe in me, Lord God Kanye West LTD. And to celebrate, we rolling out new “West Almighty” gold statues and a diamond jewellery range for kids. For the folks, a $50,000 set of bitchin’ platinum hubcaps for my bling-bling disciples, yo!"