UnNews:Godless Europeans blast US technological dominance

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31 March 2007

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Charles Darwin that lying sack of shit!

COBB COUNTY, Georgia - The humble and unassuming United States of America has lost its lead as the world's primary engineer of technological innovation. So blathers some report by a bunch of atheist eggheaded Europeans, who hate Jesus.

At issue with the heathen, sissy, lily-livered Europeans is Americas move from teaching Darwin's Evilution and abandoning the lies of science in their classrooms in favor of the divine lessons of the Holy Bible written by our infallable God.

Brilliant, insightful pundit and America's sweetheart Ann Coulter had this to say about the report. Which she didn't even need to read as she knew those heretic scum were up to no good.

"Those Godless, freedom-hating, liberal faggots that live across the Atlantean Ocean are destined to burn in the eternal fires of Hell, which they so rightly deserve. They're jealous of our faith as they live empty lives believing in cold soulless science and deny the power of the divinity."

Intel CEO Chip Forger claimed his corporation has seen the writing on the wall for years. "We're moving our processor manufacturing plants outside of North America to Asia. Hey! Don't even get me started on those backwards Canadian losers and their silly metric system. Bangladesh has more technically savvy people, and they only cost pennies a day."

Fred Phelps wished to comment, but come on, even us assholes at UnNews have better taste than letting that Miserable Son of a Bitch near a microphone.