UnNews:Cruz spills the beans

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17 December 2015

Most other Senators hate this man, which probably means the reader should too.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Republican candidate Ted Cruz (R-TX) may have illegally disclosed national secrets in this week's Presidential debate.

Fellow Republican candidate Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), anxious to reclaim the spot of most prominent beaner in the Presidential race, charged that Sen. Cruz spilled the beans.

Sen. Cruz said during the debate: “The old program covered 20 percent to 30 percent of phone numbers to search for terrorists. The new program covers nearly 100 percent.”

Sen. Rubio said everyone knows that the USA Patriot Act emboldened the NSA to spy on Americans after a nod from the secret and anonymous Foreign Surveillance Court that grants 99% of the requests the Obama administration makes. But the disclosure that this year's "USA Freedom Act," designed to curb the abuses, only makes them worse had been a closely-guarded secret.

Sen. Rubio said the disclosure is a serious threat to national security — as Republicans' ability to coast to national re-election depends on the claim that they used their historic majorities in Congress to do something more than pass sham reforms. The threat became critical this week as they passed a giant spending bill with even more privacy violations that had the White House Press Office claiming total victory. “The Sequester is dead, and the Export-Import Bank is alive!” crowed Mr. Obama.

The new Speaker shows that the new boss is not the “same as the old boss,” even though the beards have all grown longer overnight, just like the deficits.

Sen. Cruz said there is no such threat, as new House Speaker Paul Ryan is much different from John Boehner. For example, he has grown a beard. Mr. Ryan wrung his hands and said, “You don't get everything you want during divided government,” referring to the division between his party's Tea Party and pork-and-favors wings. He added, “But you would have, if you had elected me and Romney.”

Newspapers have called Sen. Cruz “the most hated man in the Senate,” from filibustering against Obama-care to calling Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) a liar. Sen. Rubio, on the other hand, “reaches across the aisle,” as when his Gang of Eight teased amnesty to 10 million illegals, a sell-out that makes this week's vote to recruit 10,000 bearded Syrian “women and orphans” look trivial. Sen. Rubio's buddies on the Senate Intelligence [sic] Committee are now studying his claim that Sen. Cruz is the real sell-out.

The battle has overwhelmed the news that the secret memos Hillary Clinton deleted from her private official Department of State server in the bathroom of her Chappaqua, New York home, just beneath the vanity, are pushing four digits. By the time newsmen get curious, this will be Old News, a campaign of personal destruction by partisan sleazes about which it is time for the nation to Move On and nominate the very likable Democrat. And, in perhaps the biggest national-security threat of all, once this sideshow is complete, the GOP will be spent and unable to throw anything against her but Yet Another Bush.

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