One Ring

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A picture of someone wearing One Ring. Note that if this person had been wearing a different number of rings, then it would not be One Ring.

“Why did those dudes go all the way into Mordor when they could have just traveled back in time and killed Sauron before he could forge the One Ring, like push him into that volcano or something? That would be, like, awesome! They ought to make a movie!”

~ Ted "Theodore" Logan on Lord of the Rings

“Aha! And with this One Ring, science will rule the world!”

~ Elrond Hubbard on dianetics

“Are you kidding, Gandalf? Why didn't you tell us you had God-damned giant eagles?”

One Ring is more than zero rings, but less than two. It is also equivalent to 1.0000 rings, before rounding. At the conclusion of The Lord of the Rings, it became no rings.

Lore[edit]

Legend has it that there is One Ring to rule them all. That one ring is considered by historians to be the Wedding Ring. This conveniently corresponds to the ring's ability to bind people.

Powers[edit]

George W. Bush wearing a replica of the One Ring. The real thing would have have turned him invisible, but Bush frequently did that on his own.

“The ring, didju get the ring?”

~ Linda Richman on Cawfee Talk

The one ring had the power to make a person invisible when worn on his finger, toe, or pecker. The wearer was removed from the world of the normal and instead placed into an alternate dimension filled with water, blurring everything outrageously. The One Ring also gave those who used to own it the power to terrify the current bearer.

Real Ultimate Power[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about One Ring.

The One Ring was responsible for giving Real Ultimate Power to the ninjas. They received the Ring after Elvis defeated The Burger King in Atlantis and gave it to them to keep it safe. While most don't know if the ninja still have the Ring, the ability of Real Ultimate Power was passed down from the first bearer.

See also[edit]