Navelism
“It is the fluff of introspective philosophising”
“..ruler of the Queen's Navee”
Navelism describes a phenomenon in which an author, setting out to write an amusing article, decides that the most amusing thing in the world is himself, and that he can be rendered most amusingly if the narrative includes amusement that only amuses him.
The most common form of navelism — because it is the only one where examples survive for more than an hour — involves the author including a clique of his editing cohorts, and writing an article that the entire handful of them will chuckle at, though no one else in the world will.
Etymology[edit]
The practice of navelism got its name from the related practice of staring at one's own navel (which is a belly button). This is equally pointless to anyone other than the actor. It is equally pointless to the object of all the staring. This is why so many people have turned to piercings to liven up an otherwise dull midriff.
History[edit]
The ancient Greeks were the first recorded navelists, or "Followers of Omphalos" (ὀμφαλός). They built temples and shrines that look inwards towards an object they would call the "eternal navel," though it often looked like a marble turd to the casual tourist.
Socrates was an early navelist, but his endless examination of his own navel meant he never got around to writing his philosophical treatise, In Praise of Omphalos.
In Ancient Rome, Julius Caesar's The Gallic Wars is a navelism classic, written as though someone else were writing a diary for Caesar. It is studied by every first- and second-year student of Latin to prepare him to write about himself in the third person of his own language.
[edit]
Navelism can not only wreck a satire encyclopedia but a satire news service. This describes the case when satire "news reporters" report news on themselves. Although they unfailingly talk to themselves, "self-interviews" do not save such articles.
[edit]
Navelism, or "navel-gazing," can also mean the Naval practice of using a sextant (pictured) to determine a ship's actual location in the sea. This is vital in the case that the GPS breaks down and no one thought to bring a backup on board. It is called "shooting the stars," though it can be done in the daytime by "shooting the moon," especially when the player bus pulls alongside the one with the cheerleaders.
To perform this naval gazing, the seaman looks through the sextant at a star selected at random. He tries to keep level despite the rolling and bobbing of the ship and despite frequent bouts of barfing. He can thereby determine the exact elevation of the star above the horizon and consult large mariners' almanacs to compute the exact location of the ship. (Provided he knows the exact time, and exactly where true North is. And we did mention that the GPS was on the fritz?)
