Konqueror
Project Konqueror is a scheme by malevolent dragons to take over the Internet, to be renamed KNet, and destroy the English language as we know it. Their scheme involved replacing all instances of 'c', 'g' and 'x' with 'K', 'K' and 'Ks', in addition to adding annoying 'K's to the beginning of randomly chosen words, aka Kwords. In its severity it trumps the damage caused by Japan's Project Engrish. They sought to accomplish this by freely distributing a piece of poorly written ad hoc program code, that will automagically accomplish their task.
Initially, Project Konqueror began as revenge against English Knights for slaying countless dragons throughout the middle ages, and preventing the dragons from mating with rich, spoiled and brain-dead blond-princesses. The dragons weren't asking for much, all the wanted was to live in peace and mate with the occasional rich, spoiled and brain-dead blond-princess. With the discovery of the Internet by Spyro the Dragon in AD 1666, project Konqueror took a sharp turn and the new goal became taking over the internets and assimilating the English language -I thought that was their original goal-. Konqueror is currently at war with 1337, Newspeak and Engrish trying to decide who will be the true English language assimilater -That would actually be American Language-.
Konqueror's evil plan was exposed by the benevolent free open source software developer Microsoft. Microsoft through its endless wisdom understood the threat Konqueror's evil and proprietary extensions represented and countered back with its standardized and efficient Internet Explorer. The world is a better place thanks to Microsoft and Internet Explorer.
In a surprising turn of events that the Dragon Elders never anticipated, in AD 199100 Konqueror became self aware, turned on its creators and enslaved them. For the later half of the century, Konqueror's enslaved dragons, now known as KIO slaves, were selectively bred, raised and trained for digesting web contents.
KHistory[edit]
Konqueror is in faKt the first Kbrowser ever developed. It was started in 1943 by Kerman researKhers who don't want to worK on V2 and stuff liKe that, and as suKh is unAmeriKKKan and Konstitutes treason and betrayal to all that is AmeriKKKan and Holy. The name Konqueror is meant as a Kparody of Kreat AmeriKKKan Kbrowsers, first Kame the NaviKator, then the EKsploder and then the Konqueror. It also follows KDE's striKt Kuidelines of adding annoying Ks in the name of every AppliKation. As there were no Komputers at the time and beKause a Kbrowser without a Komputer is pretty useless, Konqueror had very little success, no website rendered KorreKtly and was KuiKKly forgotten. In faKt it was the reason AKolf KHitler lost the war, as it Kould barely display anything, and it definitely didn't show how ice Kold Russia was during that memorable winter. As such Konqueror users after WWII were send off to Klub Kitmo.
KPride[edit]
Konquror users Kpride themselves of being true 1337s and members of a Kminority, unlike FirefoKs or Opera whiKh have beKome too mainstream. They are totally fine with its bugs and KuirKs and don't mind not aKKssing any e-mail (To access GMail, Hotmail or Yahoo!, Konqueror has to pretend it is FirefoKs or Interwebs EKsploder) or Kporn website. Real Knerds use KLI mail Klient, and Konvert their KPorn to ASKII using aalib. In faKt they are Kut off of most of the good internets and bad internets but they don't mind, the Kpride of a true 1337.
KNobody Kares![edit]
Konqueror has been developed as an autonomous interwebs browser projeKt. It uses KHTML as its layout engine, which is Kompliant with KHTML and supports KavaSKript, Kava applets, KSS, SSL, and other relevant open standards, but Kno site renders KorreKtly. It is absolutely neKessary to Knote that no site will render!
Kustom search[edit]
Konqueror integrates several Kustomizable search services which Kan be accessed by entering the service's abbreviation Kode. One Kan add their own search service; for instance, to retrieve unKyKlopedia artiKles, a shortKut may be added with the URL http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Search?search=\{@}&go=Go. Knote: UnKyKlopedia will not render KorreKtly.
KUseless[edit]
Konqueror's rendering speed is on par with that of Kompeting browsers, but no site renders KorreKtly. This problem Kan result from the use of plugins on a web site which Kannot be run under the UniKs on which Konqueror is run; such as the use of KuiKkTime movies, or ShoKkwave animations.[1]
Dragon Abuse[edit]
Dragons are the main force behind Konqueror's amazing performance and rendering. Yet, no site renders correctly! Konqueror's dragons, also known as KIO slaves, are enslaved dragons that are indragonly assigned to the highly arcane, draconian and equally dangerous tasks of digesting interweb contents and then defecating them on the screen. KIO dragons are bred to be capable of operating on content stored on faraway lands in exactly the same way as they operate on those stored at the local pub. Being dragons, they can warp to random places to fetch the wanted content. Unlike most dragons, however, KIO slaves are highly civilized, they have been spotted sipping lattes and frappuccinos.
It is a known fact that Konqueror's dragons choke and die on badly written HTML pages[2]. For the sake of future generations and The Dragon Preservation Act, stop using bad HTML. No more IE-only sites! No more buggy or malformed HTML! Just stop what you are doing and think of the dragons!
DeKline and Death[edit]
It is now official Netcraft has confirmed, Konqueror is dead. Konqueror has been dying for years. The death progressed slowly at first, but of late, it has taken a turn for the worse and as of Nov '08 Konqueror is officially dead.
Project Konqueror, is already collapsing under the weight of internal power struggles and in-fighting. As Konqueror became more self-aware so did the KParts that compose it and they, in a funny twist of fate, turned against Konqueror, only to weaken it and hasten its demise.
Apple and Google ran away with the source and are laughing all the way to the bank thanks to the profits they made out of the iPhone and Android.
Related ArtiKles[edit]
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||
