HowTo:Avoid misspellings

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It helps to have spellcheck on.

“I wager the joke is going to be everything is misspelled, you chaps are very predictable.”

~ Oscar Wilde on This Article

“Ay em, de super Mao!! Ol heyl mee”

~ Mao on his life

“Spelling is like strawberry, sometimes it's red, sometimes it's a bit dark red.”

~ Dave Mustaine on spellings

Human speak many different languages, from French, Arabic, Chinese, Spanish, 1337, to English. Maybe French is the most difficult language, not English, in terms of pronouciation. However, when it comes to spellings, English language is probably the hardest one, like when an American man says "apple", you can write it as "epel", "evel", "aepel", "aepeal", "apple", "apel", "apple" and many other possibilities.

That sort of situation is even worse when you go to the United Kingdom, or India, or China. You have to be very careful. When a Brit says "sheet", you can either write it as "sheet" or "shit". Maybe this is a bit off-topic, but it's true.

Oh well, to make your life less miserable, this HowTo is created to help you avoid misspells, no matter what country you are in. However, it will not (or hardly) discuss colors and colours, since George Washington is already dead.

This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
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A bit of introduction[edit]

Spelling is everything. Adolf Hitler wouldn't be an Adolf if he couldn't spell "leistungsbereit". Napoleon Bonaparte also wouldn't be a Bonaparte if he wrongly spelled "ANTICONSTITUTIONNELLEMENT". The same thing applies for Cher and Paris Hilton. So if we look at these examples, spelling is everything, just remember that.

Quite contrary, spelling is not suitable for C language.

#include <stdio.h>

int main()
   printf("Hello world, look who is here!");
   return 0;

If you notice, there are many spelling mistakes like "stdio" and "printf". If you have done spotted the other misspells, go on to the next point.

Example of common misspells[edit]

Look at them, small, white, round, hairy, freakin' hard spelling, d'oh!

Below is the list of common misspells that are too cliche.

  • Misplel
  • Inglaish
  • Unsaiklopedia
  • Kopileft
  • Koffi (coffe)
  • Makintos (Macintosh)

There are also a common misspells, which are not-avoidable, because The Village People invented them. Do not attempt to learn how to spell them correctly, as there is no right answer and actually, nobody cares. For instance.

  • Escherichia coli
  • Desulfobacterales
  • Thermodesulfobacteria
  • Unpreparatoriachtalianismic
  • Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism

Avoiding misspells[edit]

Here are some possible ways to prevent misspellings in the future. Try these steps one at a time.

Ask your dad[edit]

This is not your dad. Go find your dad.

The first and foremost is to ask your dad. Your dad knows everything because he is your grandfather's son. Ask him politely, like, "Dad, how to spell "SUPER­CALI­FRAGI­LISTIC­EXPI­ALI­DOCIOUS"??". Your dad must have an answer for that, if not, then he is not your dad and you need to go to a doctor to have a DNA test.

Change the language[edit]

The second, although probably hardest way to avoid it is to change the way English works. You see, as an illustration, if you cannot shoot a bird, let the bird come and then, shoot it. It is actually the same with this method. If you cannot spell words correctly, change the way it's pronounced. If we go back a bit further behind, the history of spellings is clearly vague. In some cases, "a" can be pronounced in 18 different ways, like, umm, "a", "e", "ee", "ae", "æ", "ay", "ey" and 11 other ways, we'll come back to that a bit later. Let's just make our life easier by pronounce that letter as "a". For example, if a teacher tells his students to write "apple", he should say "apple" rather than "epel". The word can be pronounce like in Spanish or Latin. "Apple", it's a bit nice, isn't it?

Use search engines[edit]

The latest design of a search engine. Notice the polyester resistor on the right wing for an extended seach.

Another way to avoid misspells is to use our friends, the famous search engines. The only thing to remember is to use notable search engines, like Lycos, Metacrawler, a jet engine, or Magellan, maybe Flipper. Don't use n00b and dead search engines like Teoma, DejaVu, iWon and other non-notable engines. Also don't use car engines as they are a bit useless. Here are simple steps to use it.

  1. Open up the search engine.
  2. Let it hot for 5 minutes.
  3. Type a word, in a wrong spelling.
  4. Click OK or search or "I'm feeling lucky".
  5. Now the search engine should give back the correct spelling word. Remember that and use it in your daily conversation.
  6. Shut off the engine.
Note: If you forget the spelling, do the steps above one more time. If you forget that again, maybe you need to start your own engine.
Also: If your computer won't work, go play outside.
Another also: If there is no suggested words, put two guineas and Rai stone in change to the metre.

Write using a feather pen[edit]

Feather pen. Don't stick it into your ass.

Feather pen is a different pen from the normal pen. It actually has two words to describe it, "feather" and "pen". The good thing about it is you will look like a true writer, like the ones in movies, where Allbus Dumledrorle wrote that letter to Mirharis Sharkova in Harry Potter. Because it appeared on Harry Potter, then feather pen must contains some magical power! Yes, it is true. You just need to hold the pen with your right hand and say the magic word. There is no fancy magic word, like abra kadabra, wong si win, thou art bacterium and anything else. Watch the fourth movie of Harry Potter, when he crawled under that thing on the 50th minute. Then look on the top right corner, there is a word there, just say it.

It is also good to choose your own feather. The good feather would be from guinea pigs and children, although rattle snakes and sting rays' feathers are good too. Note that every two days, you need to change the feathers because it will wear off, thus the magical ability will gone, and your spelling will get worse.

Be pseudorandom[edit]

The next generation of human race depend on this book. Lern Inglish Tuday!

The other thing for avoiding misspells is to be pseudorandom. The key, but not the lock, as metaphorically speaking words, to being able as pseudorandom as achievably possible, that not no-one can hardly not understand what you are or have been writing about text. Not to be the devil's avocado, but the bestest way to be good is not be good, is ungooder. The master of such things, believably, does is not try, only do.

By far the moist popular technique of avoiding misspells is turn down The Spellcheckers no not the bored game silly. Those mess with your brian and you canot think, proper like.

I leaf you with one of two questions: misspells can be avoided, it's just up too you guys.

See also[edit]