WiFi
“WiFi will be obsolete once the wireless Internet is perfected.”
“In Soviet Russia, data transmits YOU!”
“Where exactly do I go to get WiFi?”
WiFi (pronounced Wi-Fi) or also known as Wire without the electrical fire is a standard of data link transportation between wireless networks via frequencies in the electromagnetic spectrum. WiFi allows computers and mobile devices to access a local network or even the Internet without being wired. It is used as an alternate for running Ethernet cable through buildings by a networking cannon.
History[edit]
Before WiFi[edit]
Before the introduction of WiFi, several technologies had been used to implement an easier method to computer networking. The metal coat hanger method was popular choice for wireless networking. When the coat hangers were hung from a coat rack facing in the direction of the magnetic North Pole, it is possible to receive signals by hooking it up to the Ethernet jack of a computer using a device called a bridge. However, the use of this method requires the user to wear a tinfoil hat to protect inadvertent mind control[1].
Other devices or methods, although less popular, used were the Invis-a-net, Packet Pidgin, and sending signals using earthquake tremors.
The creation of WiFi[edit]
WiFi was first established in 1996 by the IEEE. Technicians were fed up trying to get knots out of Ethernet cables and complained to the managers. The managers grumbled and sought a quick solution.
| “ | Augh. These cables. Do something about them! They are all around us. We have wireless electricity. Why can't we have cable-free cables?[2] | ” |
The wireless light bulb was lit. Developers at IEEE worked day and night to create a network system that did not use any cables. Finally on January 5th, the WiFi protocol and technology was made a standard.
Since then, the reception of WiFi has been strong with little noise or interference from neighboring technologies. The transmission of this technology reached a frame burst in North America and Japan, while the preamble in other countries gradually ramped up speed to 54 other countries. Clients who invested in WiFi technology agreed and authenticated that WiFi will be a service set identifier in wireless data communication. WiFi still gains bandwidth today.
The Problems with Wifi[edit]
There are several inherent problems with using WIFI, especially in small buildings such as that as the family home. Scientists discovered that when no one is using the internet within the wifi area (also known as the 'hot zone') the internet has to spill into somewhere. This is usually out the chimney in most home, however, for those that do not have this convenience windows must be opened to prevent wifi build up. Wifi build up can cause cancer, as found out by Dr. Grog of the University of Southampton. Other problems with wifi are corners, where wifi internet can easily get caught. This problem can easily be solved, and if you find that your internet is slow, a gently waving motion toward the computer can speed the connection up. Newer houses in the UK are made without corners, and instead have rounded edges.
Another problem with Wifi is that its status as a limitless yet valuable resource had led to the advent of douchey guys who go to StarFucks in turtlenecks with their macbooks and drink a tiny $7 coffee while consuming enough wifi to cover the entire country of Africa.
Comparison of WiFi frequencies[edit]
WiFi operates on different levels of channels. The following chart illustrates its usages and similarities[3]:
| Channel[4] | Frequency (GHz) | Activity Level | Usages | Quality |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2.4003 | THIS CHANNEL IS | MINE, MINE, MINE!!! | KEEP OUT!!! |
| 2 | 2.4045 | ? | ? | ? |
| 3 | 2.41E6 | Rarely used | A typo in the specification prevents this channel from being used | Pobody's nerfect |
| 4 | 2.4391 | Busy | Do not disturb | Fuming with homework |
| 5 | 2.4482 | Open for 1 second a week | Maintenance | To be honest it's brilliant |
| 6 | 2.4666 | Going to explode. | The protocol's specified default channel. Radiated by all Uncyclopedians | VFD |
| 7 | 2.4691 | High. Unfortunately | Noobs. Filled with them. Activate anti-newbie device! Erm, the highly polished glass wall. | You don't want to know.[5] |
| 8 | 2.4584 | damn son, she's your sister! | I'm not allowed to tell you, sorry... | its so good it can cause teen pregnancy |
| 9 | 2.4650 | Available for rent | Call 1-800-UNC-YCLO | “top” quality |
| 10 | 2.4702 | Do these pants make me look fat? | ok, that's just racist | only if god say so |
| 11 | 2.4797 | about as long as the first half of New Moon | — | and you said I was gay |
| 12 | 2.4835 | Open 7 am to 8 pm | The UnBakery: fresh unfood and undrinks | So delicious! |
| 13 | 2.4876 | A little too quiet | Evil plan? I wouldn't know. I mean[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] | slightly gay or bisexual |
| 14 | 2.4903 | Minimum 100 huffs per day (Guaranteed!) | Primary Uncyc-admin-tive communication link | Stuffed with stale leftover pie |
Other applications of WiFi[edit]
“My cell phone has a range up to 100 metres! 10 metres indoors of course.”
WiFi has applications beyond Internet use due to its versatility. Its protocol can be easily adapted to the latest trends without the need of developing an entire new system. WiFi has been extended to refrigerators that automatically receive RSS foods, universal remotes that control devices in alternate parallel universes, and to shirts with built-in WiFi music systems.
Recently, WiFi was developed for Cell phones. This allowed people to carry their own cell phones without a long cord. Typically before the use of WiFI, cell phone usage was limited to the length of the phone cord. Any use beyond the length required roaming charges or an upgrade to a increased range subscription plan.
References[edit]
- ↑ One possible excuse to wear tinfoil hats as a fashion statement
- ↑ Watch out for managers flailing desks into photocopiers
- ↑ Data collected is super accurate to 5 significant digits
- ↑ Channels 13 and 14 are available to admins only for – uh, secret things. You know, like launching stuff against enemies.
- ↑ Yeah, you want to know.