Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 6

April 6: Arson Wednesday (Nihilist Church of New Zealand)

• 350 BCE - Defying the gods, Prometheus brings fire to the human race. Humans use it for decorative tiki torches placed outside their caves. Prometheus then shows how fire can be used to keep warm, cook food, light caves and clear land for crops. At the end of the demonstration, Prometheus asks for questions and a human asks, "Do you think brown or black is a better color for tiki torches?" Prometheus then walks up to the mountains, chains himself to a rock and has eagles rip out his liver.
• 648 BCE - The earliest solar eclipse recorded by Ancient Greeks is quickly followed by a large earthquake, suicides, and disease.
• 1 CE - Baby Jesus flips off a goat, and the judges give him a 9.65.
• 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now".
• 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be the father.
• 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congressionalist, is hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
• 1895 - Oscar Wilde is arrested in London for "acts of gross indecency". You can't make this stuff up.
• 1896 - First modern Olympic doping scandal is discovered at Athens games. Two runners are disqualified for eating Wheaties.
• 1999 - Chinese democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the US Government denies reports of its existence.
• 1955 - Hell freezes over; the Devil skates to work.
• 1957 - Three children die in a nuclear attack after being kicked out of a crowded refrigerator by a prominent professor of archaeology.
• 1985 - Video gaming is first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. "Stick 'em up and keep your hands in plain sight while I do a save," is commonly heard on the streets.
• 1989 - Billy Joel is arrested for arson but states "We didn't start the fire," and proceeds to spill his guts, naming a long list of conspirators. (pictured)
• 1992 - Isaac Asimov's batteries finally wear down. Perhaps the world's most famous robot, Asimov served more than 20 years on the U.S.S. Enterprise under Captain Picard.
• 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. However, some would say he had a shot at it.
• 1999 - Billy Joel begins to amass his mole army beginning his inevitable rise to world domination.