UnSignpost:Archives/05-13
Express Delivery...is not available today (just normal delivery)[edit]
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
May, 4th 2013 - May the Fourth be with you! • Issue 182 • Sponsered by (and biased towards) the Rebel Alliance.
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International Star Wars Day Once again it is that time of year when we must take a day off to remember those who fought for the Rebels against the evil empire. As you know Uncyclopedia has a large Jedi community and to reach out to all our religious groups no matter how liberal they are we muast help them with their festivals. What will you do on International Star Wars day? Perhaps you shall visit the temple and pray for the dead of Hoth? Perhaps you will use the force for good and strangle some politicians? Whatever it is that you want to do Uncyclopedia is there to support you. One user who will remain nameless, is going to attempt to raise money for charity by speaking in Jedi for the whole day. The money he collects will go to Nobody Cares
Nobody has been handing out welcome messages to people recently signed with different admins names and nobody was concered by the huge discussion on a forum about it. Nobody would like to apolagise for this because to be quite frank Nobody did it. Many admins were getting quite frustrated that Nobody had done it as they had wanted to do the welcome messages instead. It was later discovered by Spike that it wasn't Nobody (Nobody disagrees) that had done it (excuse my grammar) but that it was an automated Wikia message. This has caused some members of our community to vent even more frustration with Wikia however this newspaper would like to point out that Wikia has done a lot to benefit us and Nobody agrees that the welcome message (and content warning) has been very useful. The fact that the message has now been stopped is thanks to the admins sorting the problem out with Wikia so on this note Nobody would like to thank the admins for their help in running this site. Also Nobody cares about UnSignpost and Nobody is moved that there are a lack of articles submitted to UnSignpost to be featured in the newspaper. UnSignpost would therefore like to remind you that it is vital to support your community newspaper as it supports the community.
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Unsignpost...please sign![edit]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
May, 10th 2013 • Issue 183 • Uncyclopedia set to have a bright future. Sunglasses stocks are running low.
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Should we be adopting a Russian style approach?
A full week has passed since our last edition and the news is piling up, notably the story for which we'd "clear Page One" if we ever had more than one page: This week was just like last week. The only exeption being that more evidence has led certain users to believe that Uncyclopedia is being controlled by a higher power. The evidence is listed here:
Warning: This article may be inappropriate for some viewers
Hurry, hurry! The next round of debates about the content warning have begun. Uncyclopedia is proud to present its third row over what should be written on the content warning. Tickets are available but there are only a limited number of places so please book in advance. Aleister kicked off with bringing the topic into a conversation with SPIKE on a completely unrelated forum, SPIKE immediatly reacted by calling off play and deciding to move to another pitch as this one was too wet and reminded Aleister that this strategy had been used twice before to no avail. Undetered Aleister replied by claiming that the first change worked but the second change reverted the content warning to the original and this time we'd get it right. Aleister then preceded to run up the pitch dribbling the ball through the midfielders. ScottPat ran down the wing screaming at Aleister to go for the goal now. Aleister who was about to storm off the pitch thanked ScottPat and continued. Shabidoo then charged down the other wing hurling attacks at the original content warning defenders who seemed to be non-existant before swearing so much he collapsed into a ball. Startled ScottPat replied that he didn't want top have anything to do with anti-Wikia extremism and Aleister lined up the ball for the shot into goal. Aleister placed the ball into the back of the net with a vote for the new content warning. ScottPat ran up to him patting him on the back and giving him a "for" followed by Simsie and Puppy. SPIKE then struck back attempting to shoot the ball into the back of the new content warning supporters' net with the opinion that readers don't care about the content warning although he saw that the other team were fierce and wrote to Wikia asking the content warning to be removed as it was no longer needed. Aleister, Puppy and ScottPat defended against him with three replies while Mhaille ran up the pitch and saw a goal scoring oppurtunity with another content warning proposal however Scottpat was unsure that that oppurtunity would get them the goal that the team were aiming for. Puppy stood with the ball wandering whether to pass it to Mhaille afterall but remained indecisive. That was a report of the game so far, more to come next week.
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The Signpost has arrived...Quick hide![edit]
The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!
May, 18th 2013 • Issue 184 • Vandalpedia strikes back! Luckily the Jedi will return.
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Is it time to have a site-wide Competition?
A recent forum on village dump has brought the thought of having an article competition to the Uncyclopedian user masses. "Competitions would increase productivity of articles," claimed the forum writer ScottPat when interviewed by himself. Recent studies done by wikia authorities confirm this. The idea would be to have a panel of experienced judges (probably admins) who could judge the articles submitted by users. By having three judges there would be less opinionation. The articles can then be given scores out of 50 just like on pee review with some comments. The overall winner could be given a template and so could the winner of each individual category. Categories could be based on: humour, content, parody humour, satire, images and so on. If you would like to support this and want to have a competition then please do get in touch by voicing your opinions on the forum. This will surely help to make Uncyclopedia better and will be fun for everyone. A Reflection on the Week
Summer holidays are coming and users seem to become more active. This shows that we are gradually recovering from the recent uneconomic downturn. For example an unknown IP vandal who seemed to be sleeping for the whole year and whose only contributions were to add several quotes here and there, is fully awake now. During the last two days (to be more accurate: nights) he was trying to realize a very carefully planned attack. He has added several quotes to at least 20 pages on Uncyclopedia. His goal was to... Well, no one knows what his goal was because it has not been achieved and Uncyclopedia has neither lost its high morality, nor encountered a major crisis. To be honest, everything that the vandal did in an hour (probably), has been undone in ... several minutes. Those who saved Uncyclopedia from external enemies and whom we can thank are: Simsilikesims (as always), Spike, ScottPat, Frosty, Llwy-ar-lawr and...ahem... me. Our advice to this person is to read Uncyclopedia:Vandalism is pointless, so he will not waste time and will maybe even begin making useful contributions. Other important news are:
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The Signpost hath cometh[edit]
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
May, 29th 2013 • Issue 185 • Brought to you with help from a couple of Erwins.
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PLS is back!
An agreement between a large part of the Uncyclopedian Community has come about that we are to hold a Poo-Lit Surprise contest at the end of June. The competition will be run by Romartus and the judges are yet to be chosen. Any queries about this competition can be asked here and one of the users involved shall get round to answering it. The winner of the competition will receive a template and the usual crown of thorns and everyone will feel bitter about him for the rest of his time at Uncyclopedia. But in true cavalier spirit, it is not the winning that counts but the taking part. However if you are a roundhead you'd have planned your cheat strategy from the start and are probably very likely to win it. HowTo:Care for Uncyclopedia so that it doesn't end up as degraded as Encyclopedia Dramatica.
A lot of things on Uncyclopedia are not what their title suggests (and sometimes exactly the opposite). For example, if a user understands the name of the Pee Review page literally, he will probably be deceived. Although we actually do deal with your waste but only with the virtual one. In addition to this, few people do dirty work nowadays and that is why everything you leave may not be sent back to you. 8 articles need to be reviewed. Here is the link. Therefore Uncyclopedia is changing. The Village Dump is actually becoming such. A lot of topics are not even worth discussing and even if they are, they can easily be moved to someone's talk page. A lot of Uncyclopedians want to laugh on every page possible and now they find it hard on our Forum. That is why they are protesting against boring and not useful issues such as Creative Commons or Content Warning. But those users (although very active) have refused to answer our reporters' questions because of their shyness. This is why this conclusion maybe different from theirs. Also our friend The Reverend is spreading his spiritual wisdom around Uncyclopedia in the form of proofreading so that he may enlighten us all and show us how to write properly. "We have two lives, - said Confucius, - and the second one starts when we realise that we only have one." So if you are actually present here (which means that Uncyclopedia is your life (virtual one)), we can politely ask you to help us. Especially with some problems you may find boring. After this your second life might begin. P.S.: You may have missed this.
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