Uncyclopedia:Vandalism is pointless

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Vandalism is not pretty.

One thing that Uncyclopedia is absolutely full of is vandals, who think that making a mess is just hilarious and stuff. And the fact that you were referred to this page means that you are certainly one of them, which means you have not yet gotten one simple thing through your head:


Vandalism includes typing your own hack opinion into the text of an article, especially your opinion about the other editors. Also, changing words into random other words, or adding "000,000" to all the numbers. Copy-and-pasting text from other wikis into the mainspace is vandalism, and is certainly unoriginal — like most vandalism, for that matter.

However, for the beginner vandal, it usually means just erasing text. For example, you're probably feeling proud for having blanked a section or an entire article, because there's no way for us to know what it contained before or to put it back. Well, unfortunately for you, that's just totally wrong.

Detecting vandalism

Any Uncyclopedian checking Recent Changes can see what you did. If you are a new or anonymous editor, it jumps out at us. If you blank part or all of an article, it jumps out and stands on our heads:

! (cur | prev) 11:28, 2014 January 21‎ (talk | block)‎ . . (4 bytes) (-11,098) . . (←Replaced page with 'poop') (undo) (Anon edited userspace or made big deletion) [rollback]

What happens then is that one mouse click undoes your "work" and puts things back the way they were before:

This report shows what a blanker blanked — including the prior text, which is restored in the time it takes to click on "Undo."

Well, that's just about it, really. It only takes 2 minutes (at most) before someone will notice that you've vandalized something, and 2 seconds to change it back. Whilst it might have taken you 20 minutes to dream up your essay and click that Save button with glee, all your hard work can be undone in a fraction of that time. Bottom line: You lose. You are wasting your time.

The next stage

If you continue to hack at this article, you should know that the process for undoing twenty of your edits is not just as easy as undoing one, it's the same thing. Or perhaps you are thinking it will be especially fun to hit another article. The problem (for you) is that we are starting to see that the problem is not one edit but one editor.

At that point, Admins or Rollbackers get called in. They have an extra button that doesn't even ask us for a Change Summary, and a magic Rollback all button that can undo every change you ever made — and, get ready, without even reading your rant. Epic fail.

Chicks who are more impressed with deleting than writing a funny article are chicks you don't want. (Although they do put out.)

The next step would be to block you from editing. Not everyone can do it, but everyone can request it, by adding you to Ban Patrol, and all Uncyclopedians want to keep the wiki clear of bad edits. Ultimately, your username will end up on the Block List and everyone will laugh at you for being the latest to think you could get away with it.

You don't have a user name but just an IP address? It doesn't matter that we don't know who you are. (After all, you don't know who we are). We can still shut you down. Change your IP address? We will still know it's you — the one making horrible edits.

Turning away from the dark side

It turns out that it is more rewarding to write funny stuff than either to write crappy stuff or to make funny stuff go away. You can show a chick a funny page that you've written and make her laugh (and not just go "Ew!"), as opposed to showing her a blank page that you claim used to be funny until you arrived. You might get lucky. In fact, if you decide you want to write funny stuff, we will actually help you rather than work on automated ways to detect you and shut you down. The experts call that "a win-win situation."