UnNews:Zuckerberg to buy Musk
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Tuesday, November 5, 2024, 04:14:59 (UTC) |
| Zuckerberg to buy Musk | 
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27 April 2022
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Illustrating the dog-eat-dog nature of capitalism, billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has announced that he intends to buy Elon Musk.
Musk recently acquired social-media mega-giant Twitter in order to wean it from its left-wing editorial tendencies. Zuckerberg, the owner of giga-giant Facebook, where the same tendencies are on display, presumably wants to wean Musk from his right-wing objections to left-wing tendencies.
It is not clear whether, as in the Twitter case, Musk will resist acquisition or threaten to swallow a poison pill. If Zuckerberg prevails, thousands of crying Twitter employees would recover their freedom to perma-ban a satire website for spewing untruths, a major newspaper in New York City for spewing truths, and a sitting U.S. President for just spewing.
Musk's most recent acquisition was the planet Mars, whereas Zuckerberg's most recent acquisition, in the fall of 2020, was the U.S. state of Wisconsin, plowing in $300 million on altruistic public-spirited get-out-the-vote drives in virtually any precinct that was guaranteed to go 90% for Joe Biden.
Analysts predict the next move belongs to either Vladimir Putin or Xi Jinping, who may make a bid for the Zuckerberg-Musk conglomerate and turn them into a wholly-owned subsidiary of the evil empire. Xi already owns the NBA and the Walt Disney Corporation, while Putin's last acquisition was Angela Merkel, though he is in negotiations for the ownership of Ukraine.
Reassuringly, reliable and authoritative Uncyclopedia is not for sale for any price — though if it is in four figures, perhaps we could open a Forum.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |