UnNews:Bush Popularity Lower Than Herpes

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22 May 2006

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Is George W. floundering, or drowning? You be the judge.

WASHINGTON DC -- Results of an ABC News on-line poll released today, shows President Bush is less popular than herpes, but still more popular than the Jim Belushi sitcom, "According to Jim." The White House did not comment on the poll, other than to say that since it was on-line, what do you expect from a bunch of liberals, perverts and nose-pickers. Experts, such as Peter Vodka Gimlet, from the Center for Progressive Democratic Overreaction, explained the President's low popularity numbers as a result of unclear immigration policies, the stagnation of armed conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, a runaway budget deficit, flaky scalp, and the President's new "Hitler"-style moustache.

Pro-Bush media analyst and former drummer for the Jimi Hendrix Experience, Mitch Mitchell, was quick to put a positive spin on the poll numbers, noting that herpes is obviously a very popular infectious disease, since so many people have it. He also noted that the President is still much more popular than several other sexually-transmitted diseases, including AIDS, syphilis, and genital warts, and that President Harry Truman once polled less popular than pubic crabs.

The current poll numbers are worrisome to Republican election campaign planners, who are still wondering exactly how many donuts one person can eat, and how much coffee one person can drink, or should be allowed to drink.