Raul Julia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
"You're right!"

“For you, the day Raul graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for him... it was Tuesday. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Raul Julia

Super Raul M. Street Rafael Julia Fighter y Arcelay Turbo is the secret identity of the Street Fighter character, M. Bison. Using his alternate visage, Raul/Bison was able to act in televison and films, noticeably as Gomez Addams in two 'The Addams Family' films. Bison revealed his alter ego for his children, as they loved the game, after discovering he had stomach cancer, Raul chose the part of himself in the Street Fighter Film as he wanted his children to remember him after he was gone. Raul died in 1994. However his spirit survives in Bison, who lives on.

Early life[edit]

Approached by the government due to his increasing fame, Bison did his bit for America.

Nothing is known of Bison's childhood, exept that his father was NOT a Bison, nor any animal of the sort. He grew up in a mansion of the coast of Miami, going down to the homless shelter with his parents at the weekends, by the time he was 16 he had won the nobel prize for peace, medicine, aid and constant interfering with poor people. Many of the great names of the 1900s were clammering to meet with him. Of all the famous men of the time, only Oscar Wilde refused to meet with him, saying;

Bitches always wanna see me, ya' dig me? If the dude wantsa meet, he's gots'ta earn mah' respect, dig it? Ah' see dis boy. He's got potential, I'll give him dat, man!

However, earn his respect he did, in five years, the boy would meet Wilde, with the respect he needed under his cap. And a loada shit more in his pockets.

First Encounter with Psycho Power[edit]

At the age of eighteen the would-be Bison travelled around the world, helping the sick and working in field hospitals at neutral areas of warzones. On his journeys he enountered many great people, on one day when he was finding a cure for aging he ran into Chuck Norris. But this meeting was not by chance. Chuck Norris explained to M. Bison that he was impressed by the work he was doing, and after saving the world (again) from the forces of darkness, that he wanted to help him. Chuck Bestowed upon Bison the teachings of Super Street Psycho Ultra Power Turbo, a power that enables you to reach the strength of Chuck himself... almost. Norris explained that he had discovered the power as a child and it had gotten him his first acting role, the power of something like that was more destructive and corrupting than anything on the planet, save the Chuck Norris patented roundhouse kick, Chuck had ditched the power when he realised "I don't need magic powers, I'm Chuck Norris bitch!", he chose Raul/Bison to utilise it, as he noted his saint-like attitude and a resistance to the want to laught at people worse off than you. Embarking on a 12 month training montange that would make Balboa blush, Bison was trained in how to understand that the power was from within, that great power requires great responsibility, and that he is humanities last hope. Unfortunately that asshole Martin Goodman, at that time a waiter for Chuck Norris in his training villa on Mount Everest, stole this speech and split it into all of the Marvel Comic plot lines he went on to found.

Over the next year the future Bison worked on the power, Chuck finally deeming him, 'average (for his standards)' and flying off to throw a child into the sun. He worked tirelesly, to find out more about this power, and to utilise it to the point he would be as powerful as his mentor Chuck Norris. However to dream that impossible dream is to be destroyed by your desire or to be consumed by the power you seek. Unfortunately the corrupting power of this force was so strong that the further he delved into it's origin, the more corrupted he became. Eventually the psycho power corsing through his veins was so great that he became like a psycho junkie, just like you can too in fallout 3. He demanded more power, and chose to expel all the humanity and good in his soul to accommodate and supplant the intense energy the power would give him. In doing this, his body split into to forms, the being that would become the Mighty Bison taking the form of the most badass video game character to show the nature of his true evil, and the good side became a hot chick called Rose who could see the future. Obviously the time with Chuck Norris had not been wasted. In true Street Fighter Spirit this new form of the man decided the best way to use this power raging inside him was to beat the crap out of people.

Street Fighter[edit]

Shadaloo and the first tournament[edit]

One of the many ways Raul intimidated his rivals was to spread memes such as this around the internet.

Now no Super-Villain is complete without an evil orginisation to lead. Bison quickly set up the orginisation Shadaloo, they are responsible for dealing biochemical drugs and arms, or. that's what they want you to think. Comprising of a group of bitches, wannabes and hopefuls, the orginisation of Shadaloo is as follows;

  1. Super Street Grand Fighter Ultra Master Turbo; the role held by Bison.
  2. Evil Street Fighter Bosses
  3. Lackeys
  4. Bitches
  5. Cronies
  6. Grunts

The members of Shadaloo have varied over history, but as a rule there always has been a evil scientists, such as Senoh, female assassins in leotards for sex and paedophilic appeal and big boss style villains with unique fighting styles for Ryu and other Street Fighter character to travel the world to beat up.

Bison travelled the world, as Street Fighter characters do, finding people and beating the everloving crap out of them, many of those he has beaten included Bruce Lee, Yoda and of course, although it was a close call; Adolf Hitler, as Bison left Adolf's smouldering body at his feet, Hitler vowed from that day on to hate all people and to star a war that would destroy the world, or possibly a bit of Europe. After defeating OJ Simpson in single combat and framing him for his wife's murder, Bison decided that is was easier to draw the fighters of the world to him. And so the Super World Street Fighter Warrior Ultra Tournament Turbo was born. Hundreds of fighters from around the world turned up; Ryu, Ken, Flash Gordon, Oscar Wilde and many others. Bison does not fight, merely watching, hoping one of the men will beat his bosses and fight him as the ultimate challenge. Ryu intrigues him, opening a can on whoopas on his lackey Sagat, leaving him an impressive scar. Bison hoped that Ryu would be his mentor, as he had been Chuck Norris'. While no one is deemed worthy to fight him, his alter ego, the hot chick Rose turns up to fight, however, both being two sides of the same coin the fight ends in a depressing draw. Bison, enraged by these turn of events, retreated to Slaughter Swamp to bide his time.

Vega and Balrog size up to Guile and Nash.
Years later, Raul Julia would re-enact the fight in this scene of Super Street Ultimate Fighter Fighter Ultra Turbo EX Blastoff: The Movie

Akuma and the second tournament[edit]

Meanwhile, in the legion of doom, Bison was disappointed with the fight results. However, he turned to the only thing more evil than him to achieve his goals; Capcom. the M.Bison confederacy, in conjunction with Capcom created an experiment to see if they could make Goutetsu's student (who's obviously Japanese) grow ginger hair by putting some radioactive Phazon in a vat full of ice cream and feeding it to him. The result was Akuma. This is also how they created the other Street Fighter freaks who made up the Second M. Bison Super World Street Fighter Warrior Ultra Tournament Turbo. By the time of Street Fighter Alpha 3, the Psycho Power begins exceeding the limits of his body. Having predicted this event, M. Bison had his scientists engineer a body that he could transfer his essence into, and being Japanese, he chose the form of a genetically engineered young woman in only a thong and army boots; Cammy. The fight did not go well, again. Although Bison apparently now holds enough power to make Rebecca Black popular, he was approached by America's answer to a brown bear on cannabis, Guile and his sidekick Charlie Nash.

The soldiers defeated Bison (also known as Vega)'s bitches, but were ambushed by the M. Bison Super Street Shadaloo Fighter Ultra Turbo Evil Street Fighter Bosses: Vega (also known as Balrog who was definately NOT Freddy Krueger) and Balrog (also confusingly called M. Bison,and definately NOT Mike Tyson), Guile and Nash managed to break Vega/Freddy's razor claws. Balrog/Mike Tyson tried to bite off Guile's ear, but was quickly done in by a sonic boom to the spleen. Krueger then attempted one last stand to no avail: Guile and Nash fired a combined sonic boom at the matador knocking him into Elm Street to haunt you while you sleep.

M. Bison then proceded to psycho power rape Charles untill he resembled Gadafi's soul. While Raul gloated, he underestimated a pissed off American. The Falcon Punch, known by only a few of the state's special force officers, and is a match for any psycho power. Cyclone met Falcon, and the result was a defeated Bison. However, this was not the end of Raul. His powers had reached the point that he could utilise the power of Deus Ex Machina, to survive any obstical, no matter how unplausible, to the rage of critics.

Yet again, Bison retreated to his secret hideout, to brood and posess the body of his hot female alter ego, what any Japanese villain dreams of.

Street Fighter Turbo II[edit]

However, this brooding peace was not to last. By the time of the hit sequal to Street fighter II; Super Mega Street Smasher Street Ultimate Fighter Akumao's vs Marvel EX Turbo II Ultra v2aC Bison was approached by his previous mentor, Chuck Norris. Norris demanded his mentor step down from his reign of tyranny, to which Raul replied: "The circle is now complete, now I am the master." "Only a master of some pussy ass psycho power!" countered Norris, and the fight began. The fighter's fists moved so fast they looked like blurs of blue and red light. This inspired onlooker George Lucas to steal this and incorporate it into Star Wars, his planned broadway show. Bison's powers were strong, but his body was overflowing with psycho energy, being unable to earlier inhabit a young teenage Japanese girl in a green thong, which somehow limits your ability to use psycho powers. Norris was the victor, but due to these circumstances, Chuck let Raul live, stating that; "When you can regain your Strength, then we shall fight again!"

However, before he could regain his strength, he was approached by Guile, he was just able to escape his clutches to rest before he was ambushed at his home by Akuma. In his weakened state, the Cyclone powers of Bison were no match for Akuma, his posing and Nestlé marketing backing. Akuma's Shun Goku Satsu destroyed Raul's body.

Raul's retirement and death[edit]

Thanks to the powers of Deus Ex Machina, Bison's soul, even though he had destroyed it making himself powerful, was able to heal itself and leave his body, he escaped his life of evil and settled down in a new body, forming the new identity of Raul Julia. Raul settled down as an actor untill his death after filming Super Ultra Ex 2 Machina Megadrive Street Fighter Deus v2b Power vs Turbo Mega Ultra Sega Smasher: The Movie due to penis cancer (no joke, Raul did actually die in 1994). But there was one last fight to be had. Before he died, he met Chuck Norris one last time in Hiroshima, August 1945 to fight him. The result of the fight is unkown.

See Also[edit]