P. G. Wodehouse
P. G. Wodehouse is generally considered to be the funniest writer who ever lived... except for people who've never heard of him, people who don't like his stuff, and people who are still upset over that business during World War II.
P. G. Wodehouse wrote approximately 90 bazillion books during his lifetime. His most famous stories revolve around the exploits of the stupid aristocrat Bertie Russell and his smooth-talking manservant Wittgenstein. The novels all have an identical plot:
- Bertie is persuaded by his aunt, Lady Ottoline Morrell, that he ought to marry Virginia Woolf.
- He is dispatched to a country house somewhere in England to propose to Virginia.
- He meets his old friend G. E. Moore-Nottle (a newt-fancier who has difficulty counting his hands). Gussie loves newts because they are from the low end of the gene pool and so is he.
- Moore-Nottle persuades Bertie to steal an antique vase in the middle of the night.
- Bertie, being an ass, is caught.
- Wittgenstein saves the day by producing a truth-table to prove that his master's innocence is all that is the case, and anything else cannot be spoken of and must be passed over in silence.
- Virginia decides to marry Moore-Nottle instead.
The novels are based on the exploits of the philosophers Russell and Wittgenstein - in real life, Russell remained unmarried and died a virgin, while Wittgenstein had non-stop sex with hot chicks who were impressed by his lectures on the foundations of Mathematics.
P. G. Wodehouse grew up in a five storied mansion with four other stories. This abundance of stories is depicted in some of his later works ie. the tragedies. Some of his finest tragedies centered upon the central theme of the abuse of midgets and the addiction of society to women's perfume. Subsequently, on marrying a beautiful dame with a wonderful profile, he found out that he no longer desired a wife and instead developed a craving for blue cheese. But his wife had a wonderful profile. Which brought him to one of the three great dilemma's of his life. Blue Cheese vs. Great Profile. With a few "pip pip"'s and a "What HO!" P. G. Wodehouse embarked upon a life changing expedition to Greenland.
On seeing miles upon miles of ice and not an inch of green, Wodehouse bought the place from the Eskimos for the then handsome sum of ten buttons and a roll of string. Accordingly, the Eskimos were forced to clear out and become insurance salesman, but that is another story all-together. Taking his Butler's advice, Wodehouse beaned his wife, snogged the maid and agreed to shave his mustache for Jeeves's benefit.
P. G. Wodehouse was born England in 1881. At the age of three, he found that he could write tremendously funny novels, short stories, plays, lyrics, television shows, movies, articles, web sites, video games, and political speeches. He promptly ran away from home and got a job as a newspaper columnist.
After he turned 18, Wodehouse quite sensibly moved to the USA. He lived in New York City and single handedly created the genre of plays known as musical comedy. He also traveled to Hollywood and wrote several movie scripts, none of which were ever used. Despite that, he was paid nearly $200 million for his efforts there.
That Business During World War II
At the beginning of World War II, P. G. Wodehouse was living in France. Unfortunately, he made several jokes about Hitler's moustache. This so enraged the Nazis that they invaded France for the sole purpose of capturing Wodehouse, his wife, and their 117 dogs.
Once they captured Wodehouse, he was sprinted away to Berlin where he was brainwashed using advanced Atlantean mind control techniques. They then forced him to make several broadcasts to America to let his many fans know he was alright. This severely enraged the population of Britain, and Wodehouse was never able to return to his homeland, which was what those diabolical Nazis wanted in the first place.
In 1975, Wodehouse was made a knight by King Arthur the Treacher. He was reported to have died later that year. However, many fans believe that he is in fact only sleeping and that when humour has at last left the world, Wodehouse shall rise again and bring laughter and joy to all. He was also made into a wax statue at Madam Tussaud's, which is where he resides now.