Nazareth Park
Nazereth Park is a remake of the 1993 hit movie Jurassic Park and was produced by the Vatican and directed by Mel Gibson. It stars Jesus Christ himself as Rev. Alan Grant and Mary Magdalene as his wife Ellie.
Story[edit]
While Rev. Grant and his wife are preaching the word of the Lord at their local church, they are approached by Bishop John Hammond (Pope Benedict XVI) who asks them if they would like to check out the new Christian theme park that they are opening up. Grant and his wife agree to go because it may be a good way to introduce young people to Christianity. Once they are there, they are told that the park was created by splicing the DNA of dinosaurs with various religious figures, including the Son of God. A Jewish Rabbi (Jeff Goldblum) is also in the park to prove that the new Christian theme park is not anti-semetic. All hell breaks loose though when the Biblical animals are released into the Park by fundamentalist minister Dennis Nedry (played by Jerry Falwell). Rev. Nedry believes that by releasing these creatures he will cleanse the island of Sin, because he believes that the dinosaurs will spare the innocent. Nedry is later killed by a Mosesauraus. When the dinosaurs escape, Ray Arnold (played by Rev. Jesse Jackson) is killed by Raptor Jesus and his 12 raptor apostles because he supports the Republicans. The park day care operator (played by Michael Jackson) who is present at the park is killed by the Jesusaurus rex for being a pedophile. Eventually Robert Muldoon (played by the late Steve Irwin) manages to kill or injures most of the dinosaurs but is eventually feasted upon by Judasaurus, one of the evil dinosaurus.
Dinosaurus in the park[edit]
- Jesusaurus Rex:The tyrant Jesus, largest carnivore to ever exist.
- Raptor Jesus: Leader of a pack of velicoraptors known as the 12 apostles.
- Goliathopleurodon: A vicious carnivore of immense size, has a fragile skull.
- Davidicasaurus: The only known predator of Goliathopleurodon, a small herbivore.
- Mosesaurus: Aquatic, carnivourous dinosaur, known for parting water.
- Noahasaurus: Large, herbivorous dinosaur, larger than J-Rex but much less dangerous.
- Judasaurus: Small, land based carnivore, spits at its prey with blinding venom and then feasts upon its prey while its still alive.
- Velociraptor: The most PWNg Dinosaur ever, It even kills Jesus.
Cast[edit]
- Jesus Christ as Rev. Alan Grant
- Mary Magdalene as Ellie
- Pope Benedict XVI as Bishop John Hammond
- Michael Jackson as Day Care Operator
- Jerry Falwell as Dennis Nedry
- Jeff Goldblum as Rabbi Ian Malcolm
- Steve Irwin as Robert Muldoon
- Jesse Jackson as Ray Arnold
See Also[edit]
Fantasy films
| Big Phish (2003) ♦ Edward 40-Hands (1990) ♦ Goldilocks and the Triumvirate of Bears (2013) ♦ Harry Potter & the Chamber of Semen (2002) ♦ Harry Potter & the Gobble Gobble Yikes (2005) ♦ Harry Potter & the Half Inch Prick (2009) ♦ Harry Potter & the Head Job Swallow (2010) ♦ Harry Potter & the Order of the Fuckhead (2007) ♦ Harry Potter & the Philosophers Stoned (1998) ♦ Harry Potter & the Prisoner of David Yikes (2004) ♦ Hawk the Slayer (1980) ♦ James and the Giant Peach (1996) ♦ Labyrinth (1986) ♦ The Lord of the Rings (trilogy 2001-2003) ♦ Mary Poppins (1964) ♦ Nazareth Park (2006) ♦ The NeverEnding Story (1984) ♦ Pan's Labyrinth (2006) ♦ Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) ♦ Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) ♦ Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) ♦ Snakes on a Plane (2006) ♦ The Wizard of Aus (1989) |