Mew
Mew  Figure 1. Mew as a collapsed wavefunction
| |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | ミュウ (Myuu) |
| Stage | Basic |
| Evolves from | Primordial Ooze |
| Evolves to | Modern Pokemon |
| Generation | First |
| Species | Quantum Paradox Pokemon |
| Type | Psychic |
| Height | No-one cares. |
| Weight | No-one cares+1 |
| Ability | Synchronize |
| Next Pokemon | Torchic |
| Previous Pokemon | Mewtwo |
Mew was the first species of Pokemon to crawl out of the primordial ooze, and also the longest living. It came to life the same way we did, and technically, we evolved from it. So did the primordial ooze. Which is a quantum paradox.
It was born after the universe was created by Arceus, leaving one big mystery: Mew is a Pokemon, from which all others are descended, but Arceus, Dialga, Palkia, Azelf, Uxie and Mesprit all came before it chronologically. This is also a quantum paradox.
As such, this leaves many questions about Mew unanswered, although a fat cancerous creationist stated, "God did it. You're going to hell." However, no intelligent people could be reached for any comments on this perplexing mystery.
It is a well-known fact that Mew is God wearing a cat suit. Why someone like that would want to wear a cat suit is a quantum paradox. Since you are made in his image, go ahead and put on a cat suit. Oh, now you've done it. You will now get cancer in every part of your body. Even in body parts you don't have. Furthermore, you now have an odd desire to have sex in the cat suit. Great. Welcome to the furry fandom.
This has made Mew a quantum paradox, and we all know what happens to quantum paradoxes, don't we?
Wait! How come if we are all descended from Mew, and Mew can be caught by master balls, than we- mmmf ARRGH HELP..... (author of this few lines gets kidnapped by an unknown malevolent phantom)
Mews and Quantum Paradoxes[edit]
Mew society is a quantum paradox.
The endless mysteries surrounding the way Mews breed are both endless and mysterious. One scientist has suggested they breed through parthenogenesis, but that's too big a word for it to be real; everyone knows that all real things are less than 6 letters long. Another has proposed that they spin around in circles to distort the quantum subspace (Fig. 2), opening wormholes and creating time clones of themselves.
Experts believe that only one Mew presently exists, but no one knows where it is except for the self-proclaimed "Players" who all claim to have a Mew. This creates more Quantum Paradoxes.
Mew has the basic DNA of all Pokemon, because they all evolved from him/her/it and thus can do anything any Pokemon can do, even those who came before it. However, this creates more quantum paradoxes. Thus, Mew will, ultimately, cause the end of Civilization as we know it, possible paving the way for sentient rocks, as has been predicted for years.
Another interesting issue is regarding his/her/its gender. Since we descended from it, is it our great-great-...-great-grandfather or great-great-...-great-grandmother? Or is it an alien? A quantum paradox? Your Mother? An unknown malevolent phantom? A "Player" in disguise? Cthulhu? A quantum paradox? No wait, I'm repeating myself.
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
