UnNews:PETA rescues Pokémon from illegal stadium, captures three trainers

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2 October 2012

One of the trainers in Pokémon Black and Blue, known as "Cheren".

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The animal love originization known as People for the Eating of Tasty Animals has salvaged an illegal Pokémon stadium known as "Pokémon Black and Blue" with the help of a Pikachu that escaped from the stadium 60 days ago. The Pikachu spied on the fighting facility for 10 days, and used its skills to defeat three renegade trainers holding Pokémon abuse tools such as chainsaws, electric collars and whips. It also liberated a Snivy, a Tepig, an Oshawott, and 569 other Pokémon captured from Japan. All of the Pokémon have been adopted into a Pokémon caring facility and are scheduled to be released after three weeks. Also, the three trainers have now been captured and sent to state prison.

PETA's operation leader known as N (real name unknown) said, "These people only care for themselves, and don't care about the poor Pokémon. They don't care about what Pokémon feel, and they are completely insensitive fucks. We are grateful that all three trainers have been prosecuted, so they won't capture more poor Pokémon from Japan again."

One of the renegade trainers, known as Cheren, when judged, said, "They escaped from their trainers - they must die!" Another, known as Juniper, the researcher of the stadium, testified, "Humans are the best, we don't care how Pokémon feel!" The master of the stadium, ringmaster Ash, has denied all charges and threw a pokéball at the judge (whose name must not be said). The judge then immediately sentenced all three trainers to infinite prison time.

The Pikachu said, "Humans have bruised and fought us against each other badly. I think they should die. Also, we will be sweeping Pokéfur conventions next week."