Landing on the Moon
“I still blame the moon to this date for influencing Laura Secord's cow into biting Sharky, my pet Llama.”
“I hear it's very hard to do.”
“I One of these days Alice, straight to the Moon!”
Landing on the moon is one of the three unaccomplishments of modern science. It is argued by a few that NASA actually managed to succeed in putting a man on the moon in the 60s during the space race against the Russians. These people are simply liars. Ironically, one of the few accomplishments of modern science has been to disprove its own previous claim that we landed on the moon.
Little Known Primitive 'So-Called Attempts' at Landing on the Moon[edit]
In early Native American history they believed that the moon was only a few feet around and that it floated just above the treetop of the tallest tree in the forest. A great Indian Chief named Geronimo actually climbed the tallest tree in the forest in an attempt to get it. He found, however, that he couldn't reach it. Blaming this one himself, Geronimo chose not to climb down the tree out of shame. He died in that same tree three years later.
A second attempt was made during the European Renaissance. Galileo, crazily speculating that the earth was round (or, spherical in shape), said the same was true of the moon. Only parts of his crazy schemes to reach the moon were recovered. He never got to realize his plan because his life was rightly cut short by a court of Christians who convicted him for his heresy.
A third attempt was made by the French who began work on the Eiffel Spaceship. Being French, they were retarded and had only built the skeleton of the spaceship before they realized they had no way of actually sending people into space. They hadn't even considered the fact that human beings would need oxygen, water, and food. Not to mention a supply of cigarettes if they planned on sending their own French citizens. The entire plan was canceled and the Eiffel Spaceship was renamed the Eiffel Tower and erected in Paris, Texas as a French monument, or monument, as they say in France, with a certain amount of exotic nasal discharge.
Rather than being a fourth attempt, NASA chose to just fake a moon landing. They built an impressive-looking model of what they thought a space shuttle should look like and named it the Millennium Falcon. They found some cool old Hollywood astronaut costumes and put them on a couple of guys with Ph.D.s and other such ridiculous things. They had the astronauts march into the space shuttle and launched off into outer space, where they immediately died because the suits didn't actually have oxygen tanks, nor did the space shuttle have a life-support system. NASA then released doctored photos of the alleged moon landing, declaring to the public that their project was a success. The estimated cost of the project is at about $530 billion and 65 cents.
Proving the Moon Landing False[edit]
Scientists proved that the image released by NASA (seen above) was fake when they discovered and revealed that the moon actually looks like this:
It turns out that the photos taken for the NASA propaganda were images of Hollywood sets. Why NASA didn't take the pictures before the faked launching, instead of just drawing in astronauts afterwards, is a long-enduring mystery.
More Evidence Uncovered[edit]
A Scientific Side Note[edit]
Amoung all the humbug flying around our airwaves, recently another interesting fact about rednecks has been discovered. After NASA detected an unidentified object in the upper atmosphere in orbit of earth, it was shortly determined that the object, a makeshift communications satellite constructed out of sheet metal, plywood and duct tape had been put into orbit by a group of Texan and coastal Floridities rednecks. These rednecks claim to have no memory of how the object was put into space, or how it is broadcasting them free HBO.
After many months of close observation and studies, scientists determined that rednecks actually have amazing untapped mental and engineering abilities. This section of the brain (stored in the lower right Mullet) is activated upon consumption on large amounts of country music videos!
Oh Larry, What Dont We Fire Up the Time Machine?[edit]
- "Uh Oh, Home Land Security on the Cable the Larry Guy - Hot Line Here! Them thar' near my KFC Bucket a Road Kill over 'yonder - Wayzat? President Obama, you can smell my Road Kill Pickens over the phone - Ok I'm back... the rednecks has gottem in thar’ sights Lemme Larry and Curly Bay! Oh good, his passport was flagged! Fire up Jean Claude Van Dam and the Time Cops!"
- "Muhammad Something or Other who's been running all over Mecca claiming Allah made him convert to the freggin' Islamic Hoodlums over in Oil Rich Mecca just because he was making the camels confused because the Moon Shadow, Moon Shadow kept following him around and the Camel Jockies kept gittin’ lost." See "yer passport CAT STEVENS, if that's 'yer REEL name or we'll sake you shine the moons shadda from Guantannamoe. There now, back to 2004 you go round yer buddy the Moon Sahdder Moon!"