Heavenland
Heavenland 
| |
|---|---|
| Population: | 6045 |
| Power Source: | squirrels |
| Official Language: | Swahili |
| Official Bird: | angels |
| Official Motto: | The happiest place not on Earth |
| Nickname: | Great Theme Park in the Sky |
| Owner: | God |
| Principal imports: | souls, fish, wine, bread |
| Principal exports: | grief |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Was once featured on the cover of Better Homes and Afterlives. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | It is NOT considered part of Canada. |
| Official Food: | Canaanite Stew (preferably topped with the souls of unbaptized children) |
Heavenland is a place most people wish to go someday. Although no pictures, phone calls, or even written correspondence has ever received from the citizens of Heavenland to confirm its location, many believe they know it exact place and think everyone else is just not "looking in their hearts."
Heavenland is a combination of a sovereign country and a theme park, the second attempt in history (Disney being the first). It is family established, owned by God and managed by his son, Jesus.
History[edit]
The true date for the founding of Heavenland is unknown but it is believed it was very shortly after the creation of the universe some 6000 years ago.
Its opening inspired the opening of other very similar but distinct parks, the most notable of these being EuroLimbo and Purgatory Gardens. Neither of these parks shared the same success (EuroLimbo was forced to close in 2006 due to lack of support by its founders). Many other parks were founded throughout the world by different deities but Heavenland has remained the most popular of these in the western world.
Admittance[edit]
Admittance to the park is somewhat difficult to gain and opinions vary greatly on how exactly it is done. Christians Some believe that the only way to gain the very coveted tickets to enter is by toadying to the owner and manager. Jewish Other beliefs are various though one rumor supposes that it involves mutilation of the reproductive organs of men.
Around 400 A.D., a man known only as Muhammad Ali made a contract with God that allowed special entry to anyone who martyrs themselves, with the additional bonus of getting 72 lovely ladies to "tour" the park with. This bonus entry was available to anyone with the Koranpass (restrictions apply. See Holy book for details).
Attractions[edit]
Heavenland is home to many rides and shows, some of the most notable ones being: The Bible Belt, 20,000 Leagues over Inferno, and Apocalypse Mountain (still under construction but is expected to be finished soon).
Safety Issues[edit]
Though many of the rides are considered unsafe and even downright lethal by OSHA regulations, they have never been brought into investigation since citizens of Heavenland are immortal and therefore incapable of being hurt.
Many rides are susceptible to collapse due to the fact that they are made out of pure gold, a metal too soft to handle even its own weight. Many rides tumble due to lack of support over the centuries as different attractions are put up over the old ones.
Associations[edit]
Heavenland is bordered by two other uncharted territories; Doom and More Doom. Though these neighbors have remained relatively silent, citizens of Heavenland scorn any visitor from the outlands (of which none have been seen so far in history).
Heavenland's biggest contender is Inferno Studios, which opened its doors some 2000 years ago. Inferno Studios has held a higher patronage rate than Heavenland due to its relative more lax admittance policies.
Some New Age scholars claim that Heavenland is now affiliated with the popular Asian theme park KarmaWorld but conservative scholars believe this is preposterous and absurd, as well as preposterous.