Expletive
“GO SUCK A CLEMEN!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TITTY RAPED WITH A PINEAPPLE is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your Xbox.
Complete Unabridged history of INVISIBLE! use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age peevishly touched his DIPSHIT spermicide and was so dissatisfied by the results that he accentuated a CUNT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the joyful scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their JENKEM mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of RUSTY TROMBONE-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a WANK for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say I'LL RAPE YOU. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted DICK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody EPIDIDYMIS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some FUCK, do you savvy, you ASSS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SHITCOCKS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called MARCH OF FLAMES-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey ASSHAT, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real RUSKIE OH, MY GIDDY AUNT! numbers on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FUCKING FUCKFUCKER!!!
- CHOAD!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You CUNTSWILLING!!!
- You MARGARET THATCHER!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- fornicate in FUCKSTAIN, you YID!
- I hope you accentuate in PISS ARTIST, you YOUR MOM!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This GOOK FENCE JUMPER will receive a suicidal lemming up your HELLFUCKER!!!
- This MOLDY TITS CECIL JOHN RHODES will model a drain cleaner up your RAT'S COCK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some TWAT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING legislate a treehouse up your DOG SHIT!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BUGGER OFF DAMN IT PORCH MONKEY DOM DeLUISE SHITFUCKER GOAT DICK INBRED!!
- SHITTY SHITHEAD CANNED QUOTE PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT!!!
A bunch of SPANK THE MONKEY[edit]
BITCH JUSTIN BIEBER JERK OFF GOATSE PUSSY CUNTBUCKET PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS HORSE SHIT SOD OFF CUNT COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT PISS OFF OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! MASTURBATION SEX ANAL DIABETES FRAK MOTHERFUCKER ASS LICKER DOUCHE NAZI FUCK BONER I VANDALIZED THE MAIN PAGE PORCH MONKEY ASS SHITHEAD FALSE BENSON REDNECK ARSE SHITTING DICK NIPPLES BASTARD SHITSLINGING PISS BASTARD PORCH MONKEY BONER BULLSHIT DONGSHOVER BASTARD DAGO ASSCRACK GRAPE PENIS WANKER MONKEY'S UNCLE HO PISSHOLE SCROTUM FUCKSTAIN SHITE PISS ARTIST EPIDIDYMIS FAG ASS PISS OFF BITCH ABO RUSTY TROMBONE PEDOPHILIA TITTIES CUNT FUCKFACE SPICY CUNT FUCK WIENER CLEMEN HELLFIRE KAFFIR SUCK A BIG DICK ASS GO HOME AND DIE FUCKING CAPTAIN CRUNCH DOODIE HEAD FUCKSTAIN DICK IN A BOX SHITE HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FUCKTARD SHITBALLS VAGINA MOCKIE FUCKER PENIS JESSE McCARTNEY SHITFACE BITCH PISS OFF FUCKBAG TITTYWANK NICARAGUA PISS OFF ARSEBADGERS BUGGER SCROTUM CHOAD FROG'S FAT ASS I WILL KILL YOU! FLYING RAT'S ASS SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS ABO FAGGOT HELL DELICIOUS CAKE CUM CUNT YOU WANKER BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you RAPE.