Expletive
“GO SUCK A I RAPE WALRUSES!!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHITTY is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your poodle.
Complete Unabridged history of CHIGGER use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age cheekily touched his HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS content and was so dissatisfied by the results that he earned a SHITFACE and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the retarded scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their FUCKSTAIN mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of PUSSY-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a FUCK OFF for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say SUITCASE PENIS. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted FUCK until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody BITCH tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some FUCK, do you savvy, you TWO-INCH PENISS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie ORGASMS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called CRAPPY-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey GANGBANG, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real PEARL NECKLACE YID keyboards on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- WANK!!!
- SHITE!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You FLYING FUCK!!!
- You I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- pilot in ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA, you YOU SUCK BALLS!
- I hope you BASH in BALLS, you WANKER!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This FUCKFACE DAMMIT will optimize a cockroach up your SHITFUCKER!!!
- This HELLFUCKER ASS will clapperclaw a Aspergers up your FUCK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some FUCK and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING jiggle a animal up your FROG'S FAT ASS!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- CUNNILINGUS BULLSHIT FUCK PORCH MONKEY ASS CHOAD DUMBASS!!
- LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD BUKKAKE SCUMBUCKET JIZZ!!!
A bunch of ASSHOLE[edit]
WOODPECKERSHIT SHITTY DOUCHING PISS ARTIST COCKSUCKER JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE YOU WANKER SHITSLINGING DICK CUNNILINGUS ARSE HENTAI MR. DRESSUP CAN KISS MY ASS! JIGGABOO ASSHAT WHORE DIPSHIT CUNT CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE RAPE I WILL KILL YOU! SHIT SEMEN FRAK EXPLETIVE FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK WIKIPEDIA FELLATIO JACKASS FRIG GOD DAMN CUNT DAMN IT SHITTY AAAAAAAAA! SUCKS DAMN FUCK YOU GOD DAMMIT WANKER FUCK A DUCK GO COUNT YOUR DICK CHIGGER MOTHERFUCKER DAMN CAMEL JOCKEY ASSHOLE PUSSYLICKER TITWANK MICK DICKFACE SHITSLINGING PISS ARTIST JUNGLE BUNNY SIGMUND FREUD AAAAAAAAA! BIG FOOT FUCKER BITCH FUCK OFF LENS CRAFTERS FUCKHEAD FUCKSTAIN ASSHAT JERRY RAT'S COCK DAMNATION suck my mothers SHIT PIG RAT'S COCK DUNE COON GOAT DICK GARBAGE DAY! HOMO MONKEY BALLS GENITALIA MAMA MIA FUCK NUGGET JERK OFF BALLS POMMIE SEMPRINI FUCK GYPSY DICK IN A BOX HELL WHO'S A PEACH? DATCHA SWEETUMS! GOOD PUPPY! BLUMPKIN FLYING FUCK YUKKY DOODY TURD DOUCHING JACK OFF SCOOTER MY DAISY HEAD SHITBALLS GIVING HEAD NAZI JENKEM PIKACHU DAMN PEARL NECKLACE I'LL RAPE YOU PORCH MONKEY MY ANUS IS BLEEDING FUCKFACE BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you BULLSHIT.