Expletive
“GO SUCK A CHOAD!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHITTY is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your prostate.
Complete Unabridged history of RAT'S ASS use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age mercilessly touched his [Insert swear here] cob and was so dissatisfied by the results that he admonished a I DID IT FOR THE LULZ and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the contented scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their NIGGER mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of CUNT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CUNT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say JAP. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted SHITHEAD until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody PENIS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some DOUCHE, do you savvy, you VAGINAS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SHITTYS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called SHITCOCK-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey NOW, I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGER!, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SHITTY HOMO rabbits on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- BIGNOSE!!!
- BASTARD!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You COMMUNIST DILDO!!!
- You ALEX TREBEK!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- w00t in FUCK, you SCUMBAG!
- I hope you cramp in BLESSED DAMN SAINT, you KRAUT!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This MONKEY SHIT FUCKTARD will assassinate a bathtub up your LANGUAGE, TIMOTHY!!!!
- This CHINK NAZI will hurt a belfry up your DYKE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING pilot a nitrogen up your GOD DAMN!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- COON BITCH SHITSLINGING DOG SHIT FENCE JUMPER I WILL END YOU! I'LL RAPE YOU!!
- JOHNNY CAMEL FUCKER PENIS ON A STICK BUTT-FOR-BRAINS!!!
A bunch of PUSSY[edit]
BITCH YOU WANKER FAT, STINKING BELGIAN BASTARD CLUSTER FUCK RAGHEAD HADJI BLOWJOB JAP ASSHOLE COON BUTTFUCKER CLIT FUCKTARD WANKSPLAT DICK CHENEY GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS BALL SACK FUCK FUCKING UGLY SHITTY FACE! EAT MY BIG ELEPHANT DICKS BITCH!!! BASTARD PENIS CAMEL FUCKER DOUCHETITS GOD DAMN FUCKWIT CUNTSWILLING CHIGGER FROG SHITHEAD ASSHOLE BITCH NAZI O CANADA YID COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT BITCH SPIC DOT HEAD GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS BITCH BULLSHIT AUTOFELLATIO JERRY PISS OFF MY ASS BONER PISS JERRY FRITZ CHICKEN FRIES JACKASS LITTLE SHIT-EATING TURD [Insert silly non-swear here] FUCK OFF DOUCHING SHITFACE DOT HEAD CUNTRAG TITS DAMN JAP BITCH TAFFY FUCKSTAIN REBECCA BLACK ASSFACE CROTCH ART METAL PRODUCTS 666 SCUMBAG BULLSHIT ALF WANK PORCH MONKEY BUTT-FOR-BRAINS CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CRAP CRAP SHIT PENISBIRD GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS SEMEN SHITE BUGGER OFF COCKSMOKER ARSE POLACK BIGNOSE SCUMBUCKET HEIL HITLER! NEGRO PORCH MONKEY KAFFIR JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST JERRY GOD DAMMIT MASTURBATION PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS I'LL RAPE YOU CRAPMUNCHER COCK PEDOPHILIA FLAMING ASS BADGER DAMN IT SCRATCH! GROUNDER! JACK OFF BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you MEIN FÜHRER! I CAN WALK!.