Expletive
“GO SUCK A TITTYWANK!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your SHITSLINGING is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your hairball.
Complete Unabridged history of BULLSHIT use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age distastefully touched his FUCKSTAIN titty and was so dissatisfied by the results that he sacrificed a ASSHAT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the unreliable scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their GYPSY mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of DAMN-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a GOAT DICK for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BASTARD. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted SCROTUM until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody WEHATEMARIO tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM, do you savvy, you FUCK YOUS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie SHITSLINGINGS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called GOOK-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BEANER, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real TOWELHEAD PAGE BLANKING rifles on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- JOHNNY!!!
- CARPET MUNCHER!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You ASSHAT!!!
- You BASTARD!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- exemplify in SAGGY TITS, you BUGGER!
- I hope you implode in ASSHOLE, you NI!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This BEAVER CONAN O'BRIAN will ruminate a fiddle up your WHORE!!!
- This BEAVER DAGO will vitiate a lint up your FUCKTARD!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PUNANI and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING shit a lollipop up your DAMN THIS IS GOOD SHIT! FUCK!!!!!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- HORSE PENIS FUCKING A INJUN WANK CLUSTER FUCK DONKEY DICK TITS & DICKS!!
- CROTCH HELL SHUT UP, MEG! SHIT!!!
A bunch of AY-AY-AY[edit]
CLEVELAND STEAMER ASSHAT LOGJAMMER DAMN PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING PORCUPINE'S BALLS CAMEL JOCKEY FLYING FUCK SHIT LIKE A HORSE suck my mothers DONKEY DICK SHITHEAD WANKSPLAT AUTOFELLATIO JUSTIN BIEBER BITCH BASTARD SHITHEAD QUEEF MOSES JACKASS DOUCHE SHITSLINGING WHAT A SHITLOAD OF FUCK! JACKASS SHITCOCK [expletive deleted] HITLER PEEPEE BITCH TITWANK HADJI BULLCRAP INBRED FUCK OFF WOODPECKERSHIT GOD DAMMIT ASSHOLE ASSFACE DICK CHICKEN MOLDY TITS FUCK HELL SEX CUNT POWERSHIT CAMEL JOCKEY ASS FUCKING POLAK FELLATIO CAMEL FUCKER PISS PISS NIGGER BOOBS DOUCHE HELL BITCH FUCKING NIPPLES CLEVELAND STEAMER FIST FUCK BUNG-HOLE HELL I'LL RAPE YOU NAZI SUCK A BIG DICK POMMIE CUM SHIT DAMN LET'S SHIT REDSKIN TURD COCKSMOKER YUKKY DOODY COON ANAL PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS TIMBER NIGGER ASS CONDOMS I LIKE SCHOOL ASS BASTARD CROTCH SEX ASS LICKER ORGASM QUEEF TACO TWAT HITLER DARTH VADER O CANADA BASTARD TWAT DOUCHING FUCKING A FROG'S FAT ASS DAMN PISS COCK BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you FUCKFUCKFUCK.