Expletive
“GO SUCK A FUCK OFF!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your DUNE COON is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your space.
Complete Unabridged history of HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age sadistically touched his BELLEND Volkswagen and was so dissatisfied by the results that he rinsed a SHIT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the natural scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their NIPPLES mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of SHIT-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a FAGGOT for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say FUCK. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted GOD DAMMIT until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody NIGGER tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some DARTH VADER, do you savvy, you CAMEL FUCKERS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie TWO-INCH PENISS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called P'KANG-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey DAMNATION, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SHITHEAD BEAVER contradictions on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- FUCKER!!!
- FUCKBAG!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You REBECCA BLACK!!!
- You DICKHEAD!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- castrate in BARBRA STREISAND, you TOTAL!
- I hope you fumble in PUPPIES, you DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This FENCE JUMPER TITTIES will dry a contraband up your ANUSCAKE!!!
- This BRITNEY FLYING RAT'S ASS will feel a heretic up your BUGGER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some KIKE and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING defenestrate a cartilage up your O CANADA!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BOB SAGET CUNT DONKEY PUNCHER SHITE SHITSKIN BOLLOCKS BIRD SHIT!!
- HAIL SATAN! ASSCRACK INBRED BIGNOSE!!!
A bunch of PENIS[edit]
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE JOHNNY POOPY FUCK WANK BIG FOOT FUCKBAG FUCKSTAIN PEARL NECKLACE GREASER PAGE BLANKING I'LL RAPE YOU MY ANUS IS BLEEDING NECROPHILIA COCK CHINK MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING AMERICA ONLINE SHITFACE JIZZ CUNTRAG MALARKY PISS OFF FUCKSTAIN YUKKY DOODY FUCKFACE SHIT NIGGER FUCKTARD SHIT PEARL NECKLACE SHITSLINGING AUTOFELLATIO SHITCOCK FUCKING FUCKFUCKER PISS OFF BALLS INBRED DICK FUCK FUCKWIT SHITCOCK SAGGY TITS HELL LET'S SHIT ROMANIA PISSHOLE COMMUNION WAFER COCKGOBLIN ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA YOU WANKER COLGATE ART METAL PRODUCTS TITWANK SHIT LIKE A HORSE ASSCRACK ASSHOLE DAMN CUNTYMINTS BLOWJOB THE GOOD GOD IN TABERNACLE ASS LICKER NINE-AND-A-HALF INCHES ASSHAT GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS YOU WANKER FUCKWIT FUCKSTAIN WOP FUCKTARD WHERE? IS? MY? MOTHER? FUCK BOOBS EXPLETIVE DICKFACE BUTTFUCKER BOYCOTT VIACOM! SHITFUCKER ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA BOLLOCKS ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA JESSE McCARTNEY FUCKWIT SHUT UP, MEG! SUCK A BIG DICK GREASER HELL BLESSED DAMN SAINT CHIGGER BITCH SCUMBUCKET CAMBODIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy SHITFUCKER DAMN INCEST JESUS TITTYFUCKING CHRIST CRIMETHINK CANNED QUOTE WALRUS SHIT TWAT BUKKAKE JENKEM BITCH BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you CUNT.