Expletive
“GO SUCK A PEDOPHILIA!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your ASS is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your riddle.
Complete Unabridged history of SHITE use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age peacefully touched his NI belfry and was so dissatisfied by the results that he quantified a FUCKSTAIN and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the putrefying scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their BASTARD mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of FLYING FUCK-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a SHIT LIKE A HORSE for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say BUTT PIRATE. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted COCKSUCKER until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody STRAWBERRY ASS tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some PISS OFF, do you savvy, you JACKASSS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie D'OHS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called TRAITOR TO THE POLISH CAUSE!-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BALL SACK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SCUMBAG SHITSKIN funerals on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- I'LL RAPE YOU!!!
- ARSE!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You SHITTY!!!
- You MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- affiliate in HOLY FUCKING ASS BANANAS, you SHIT!
- I hope you discalceate in RECTUM RAIDER, you TITS!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This DICKLICK FUCKING will disintegrate a VCR up your DOUCHE NAZI!!!
- This BITCH PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS will evaporate a Sparta up your CUNTING ASSCRACK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some CUM and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING remix a dollhouse up your YOU WANKER!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- JOHNNY WIKIPEDIA JIZZ I'LL RAPE YOU SHITBALLS BULLSHIT JACKASS SHIT!!
- ASS CHOAD KISSER FLYING FUCK BARBRA STREISAND!!!
A bunch of WIKIPEDIA[edit]
WOMEN'S RIGHTS BUGGER DILDO ASSRAPING BUGGER OFF suck my mothers SAGGY TITS SOD OFF FUCKING A GARBAGE DAY! FUCKFACE AMERICA ONLINE FELLATIO CLUSTER FUCK JERRY AMERICA ONLINE FUCKWIT GOD DAMN NEGRO CUNT COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS HITLER SLOPE JACKASS COCK BASTARD DOUCHE [Insert dumb, possibly made up racial slur you've never heard before here] GOD DAMMIT DAMN IT JOHN ELWAY ABO GYPSY BUKKAKE NECROPHILIA FUCKHEAD DAMMIT FRITZ KIKE SWINES IN YOUR KITTEN'S ASS PISS CUNT JESUS FETUS HOT GRITS RAT'S ASS BALLS NEGRO I'LL RAPE YOU SHITFACE BRITNEY suck my mothers BUGFUCK LIMEY GRINGO CUNT NIGGER BUGGER HELL SHITBALLS ASSWIPE YOU WANKER FUCKHEAD PENIS SCUMBAG DOG FUCKER RAT'S ASS HOSER FUCK OFF BUTT PIRATE WANK TWAT MILF ASSHOLE BALLS PENIS ON A BUN MAMA MIA GOD DAMN POOPOO ASSWIPE DAMN FLYING RAT'S ASS STRAWBERRY ASS DYKE FUCK O CANADA TWAT FUCK YOU DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT BUTTFUCKER SHAKOPEE JOHN ELWAY SHITE BUKKAKE WARNER MUSIC GROUP FUCKFACE BULLSHIT CLEMEN FUCK DICK ANAL BANGKOK SUCK A BIG DICK COCK SUGARTITS YOU WANKER PUNANI MALL SANTA BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you ASS.