Expletive
“GO SUCK A SPIC!”
“[expletive deleted]”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your TIT DIRT is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your baby.
Complete Unabridged history of BASTARD use[edit]
First usage[edit]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age to a great degree touched his DIPSHIT algorithm and was so dissatisfied by the results that he cured a JACKASS SHIT and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the congruent scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their MASTURBATION mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of MOTHERFUCKER-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a CRAPMUNCHER for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say HELLFUCKER. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted JAP until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody NIPPLES tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some TIMBER NIGGER, do you savvy, you TAMPONSS?"
Modern Profanity[edit]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie DAMNS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called CRACKER-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SPANK THE MONKEY, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real NECROPHILIA BITCH hitmans on proper use of expletives[edit]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit]
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- SONNY BILL WILLIAMS!!!
- I WILL END YOU!!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You CLEMEN!!!
- You COCKGOBLIN!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- fart in FUCK, you GIVING HEAD!
- I hope you crinkle in JOHN ELWAY, you NEOPETS!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit]
- This BUGFUCK FUCK will eat a rocket up your GO HOME AND DIE!!!
- This MOLDY TITS [expletive deleted] will dance a age up your FUCKER!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PIG and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING rinse a fantasy up your JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- YOU WANKER JOHNNY HER MAJESTY'S ROYAL FLYING RAT'S ASS WIENER 09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0 FELCHMONKEY DICKFACE!!
- TRANNY DICKHEAD EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA CUNNILINGUS!!!
A bunch of DOUCHE[edit]
BUTT PIRATE DICK CHICKEN PORCH MONKEY CLUSTER FUCK SPANK THE MONKEY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS GIVING HEAD CLIT SUITCASE PENIS TITS MR WINKLER IS GAY CONDOMS SPIC TAMPON IN MY ASS JUNGLE BUNNY CUNT SCRATCH! GROUNDER! SHIT WIENER TAMPON IN MY ASS MASTURBATION HADJI FUCKHEAD FUCK NUGGET BULLSHIT ANAL DIABETES FUCKTARD MELAMINE HONKY ASSHOLE BARBRA STREISAND AMERICA ONLINE CLEMEN JOHN SMILEY FACE GARBAGE DAY! FUDGEPACKER HELL INBRED I'D LIKE TO TENTACLE-RAPE ROUGE THE BAT RAGHEAD DAMN IT BUTTFUCKER RAGHEAD HELL SHITPISSER STRAWBERRY ASS CUNNILINGUS GIVING HEAD BOON DICKFACE TITWANK CLIT DICKHEAD DONKEY DICK SHIT COCKLOVING SEATTLE MONGERS MOTHERFUCKER TITMOUSE PRICK JERK OFF FUCKTARD I'LL RAPE YOU DICK TITMOUSE HORSE SHIT DOUCHEBAG BALL SACK AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI GOD DAMMIT MOTHERFUCKER I DID IT FOR THE LULZ SHITSLIDE BITCH [Insert obscure meme or in-joke here] SEX TAMPON IN MY ASS GOD DAMN FUCKING A BULLSHIT REDSKIN DAMN BEANER BITCH NEGRO SHITSKIN DUMBASS CRAP ON A STICK AUTOFELLATIO MOTHERFUCKER FUCK DONKEY DICK FUCKSTAIN FUCK OFF SHAKOPEE FROG'S FAT ASS BALL SACK DUMBASS DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT BELLEND GENITALIA YOU WANKER GANGBANG FUCK NUGGET BLOWJOB ENCYCLOPÆDIA DRAMATICA BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you SHITCOCK.