Detachable scrotum
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“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and Detachable Scrotii.”
“The best thing since sliced Chuck Norris.”
The Detachable Scrotum (plural, Detachable Scrotii) is a fashion item worn by the wealthy, the rich and the amish. It consists of a scrotum and a zipper and the operation needed to obtain a detachable scrotum is very expensive and somewhat painful, but according to those who have said items of their own they are 'extremely worth it'.
History of the Detachable Scrotum[edit]
<0 B.C. (before comedy) : The Detachable Scrotum is an essential part of Incan, Greek and East Timorese cultures and is used in several sorts of initiation rites, usually involving a sharp knife, a shaman, a big camp fire, dancers and lots of funny-looking mushrooms
0-100 A.D. : Used as a powerful antidepressant by the Evil Priests of Cthulhu.
100-1990 : Detachable Scrotii pass out of history, the reason for this is unknown, but the rise of kitten huffing might have had something to do with it.
1990-1997 : Knowledge of the Detachable Scrotum is brought to England by a wandering tribe of catfish, it is instantly a huge success.
1997-Now : Detachable Scrotii continue to gain popularity within the Upper Classes, and several underground "Super Street Scrotum" clans use it as a rite of initiation for new members. These rites usually involve a sharp knife, a shaman, a big fire, dancers and lots of funny looking mushrooms.
Uses of the Detachable Scrotum[edit]
- As a fashion accessory.
- As a useful advantage in a street fight.
- Can be modified as an inflatable raft in emergencies.
- As a bracer when removed and stretched tight.
- A rudimentary sling or catapult
- Emergency food item
- Can be inflated and used as a football (soccer ball) if needed
- An ultra-secret money depository. It has been proven by Scientists that criminals will ninety times out of ten not think to search a persons scrotum for hidden goods.
- A suppository that prevents pregnancy and AIDS in women.
The Scrotal Underground[edit]
“ Word! Bling bling! Ma scrotum is pimped up and ready to go ma nizzles! Lets go to da club and den we can crash in ma crib, dawg!”
In recent years, hundreds of underground scrotum modification groups have sprung up. They can and will customise such things as colour, texture, engine size and for a price will install hot tubs, Playstations, bling and cheese.
MTV has recently begun a popular television show, called Pimp my Scrotum which shows poor middle class kids with really disgusting scrotums getting scrotal makeovers. Unfortunately, due to the cost of insurance for several million dollars worth of custom bodywork, many of the scrotums end up on Ebay. This has had the effect of publicising the scrotal underground and their is a planned War on Scrotums by The United States of Azerbaijan.
Medicinal Properties[edit]
The Detachable Scrotum is purported to cure cancer, creationism and cooties. This has not yet been proven by science due to a lack of funding. When questioned about this, the potential funders said
"At this time we do not wish to support Detachable... *snort*... Scro... *cough* sorry... Detachable Scrotums hm-hm-hm.. Oh is that the hmmph is that the time I'd better be ha going now."
At which point they left the room hurriedly.
Famous owners of Detachable Scrotii[edit]
Conclusions[edit]
The Detachable Scrotum is a global phenomenon which when used properly can give great enjoyment and many advantages to the owner.
When used improperly Detachable Scrotii can cause major damage to major population centres caught within the blast radius.
A Detachable Scrotum is one of the most popular phenomenons of our time and is set to be even bigger than Pokemon.
Don't wait! Descroteiate!