Annie Lennox

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Lennox, in happier times, before the dishwasher explosion

Ann "Annie" Lennox OBE (born 25 December 1954) is a Scottish singer/songwriter, though in common with all Scottish artists, she self-identifies as Northern English. She is best-known as the person responsible for the 1996 Bloomington Dishwasher Explosion after she retired from the music scene.

Sweet Dreams[edit]

Lennox increasingly mixed messages of social activism in with her music, singing in concerts for everything from AIDS awareness to orange-haired-people awareness. She was for Greenpeace and Amnesty International and against the War in Iraq. She spoke at the British House of Commons on the need for UK children to help their counterparts in Africa, stressing that the harvest would be over in a couple of days. Later, she spoke against Pope Benedict XVI and for condoms. She got props from Desmond Tutu as a "true friend of Africa" and, in return, did a cover of "Don't Mess with My Tutu".

Lennox has a strong following within the LGBT community, as concert-goers gaze at her and can't determine what the hell she is. She has been called the female Boy George, though she is closer to being a male Al Gore.

Lennox has condemned the media's obsession with celebrities for keeping AIDS off the front page, generally right before travelling downtown to count her money.

Bloomington Dishwasher Explosion[edit]

Eventually, Lennox dropped out of the music scene to take an online course in terrorist studies. She became convinced that fast food was the root of all evil.

In 1996, Lennox was the sole perpetrator of a dishwasher explosion that killed 78 people at a Bloomington, Illinois take-out taco joint, after tossing in a two-foot-long homemade pipe bomb that she claimed accidentally got mixed into her clothing. The resulting blast leveled the entire block the taco joint was on, as well as causing a 3.7 magnitude earthquake that showed up on seismographs as far away as Los Angeles. All 34 people in the building were killed instantly, as well as 40 people who were victims of Continental Connection flight 779, a plane that crashed after a piece of flaming dishwasher hit the right turbofan engine and disintegrated the wing. Four more on the ground were killed by the plane.

Two hours after the detonation, police found Lennox "Walking on Broken Glass". She pleaded guilty to five counts of terrorism, three counts of manslaughter, and 48 counts of espionage. Lennox has gone back to touring, though she is now obliged to wear an ankle bracelet.