UnNews:Canada's Tories vow to take on Trudeau, any day now
| Fake News that's honestly fake | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Wednesday, April 24, 2024, 01:23:59 (UTC) |
| Canada's Tories vow to take on Trudeau, any day now | 
|
11 February 2022
OTTAWA, Ontario -- Canada's Contrite Progressive Conservative (CPC) Party has urged the nation's truckers to abandon their blockades and wait for the CPC to defend their interests.
The truckers have barricaded the national capital here, as well as most of the ports of entry from the United States, to protest vaccine mandates imposed by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The truckers argue that they are mostly so smelly that no one comes closer than 2 metres and are at no risk of catching the Coronavirus from them. Trudeau, for his part, has called the truckers racist, misogynist traitors who are probably funded by Donald Trump. Trudeau noted the presence of foreign flags, though in fairness, there was only one, as Detroit couch potato James Craig walked across the blocked Ambassador Bridge to join the flag-waving though the Stars and Stripes "was all I had." Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer also complained that the Canadian "Freedom Convoy" is shutting down Michigan business worse than she had been able to do in two years of trying.
The CPC, however, loudly took the side of the truckers — requesting only that they kindly shut off the damned air-horns and perhaps let the loads of back-bacon from America pass, also, cases of Labatt's beer from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where it is contract-brewed to exacting Canadian standards. The truckers did no such thing.
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The CPC then took the obvious next move — It sacked its leader. Erin O'Toole (Durham, ONT) had won them a massive vote in Western Canada but had begun warming up to a carbon tax and a "minor" door-to-door operation to seize guns, stopping just short of calling Westerners "deplorables." The CPC took the mantle from Erin, who is actually not female, and gave it to Candice Bergen (Portage–Lisgar, MAN), who is, but is actually not single mother Murphy Brown from American television. She loudly supported the truckers, in fact reminding Parliament of Trudeau's stints in blackface, "more times than he can remember," though this forgetfulness might simply owe to cocaine.
Now, however, Murphy has met with Trudeau — who fled the capital and was in an underground bomb shelter searching for unsoiled underwear after "testing positive for Coronavirus" — and Murphy has emerged with much milder rhetoric. "The time has come to take down the barricades, stop the disruptive action and come together," she said. "Farmers, manufacturers, small businesses and families are suffering." She vowed that if the demonstrators stop defending the rights of private businesses by bringing them to a standstill, "we will not stop until the mandates have ended." Just you stand down first.
In short, Murphy shows every sign of wanting the CPC chair for good and beginning a career of promising everyone everything and never delivering. Her only opponent for the position so far is Pierre Poilievre (Nepean–Carleton, ONT), whose rhetoric remains strong so far. He has gone as far as to tell Trudeau, "You have called decent people horrible names" — the only grounds for removing a Prime Minister. But he has never been called in to meet Trudeau, and they say those saltines in the anteroom are to die for.
Sources[edit]
- Frances Martel "Conservative Establishment Turns on Truckers". Breitbart, February 11, 2022
- Raymond J. de Souza "Erin O'Toole's ouster frees party of leader embarrassed by conservatism". National Post, February 2, 2022