UnNews:Bush to Give Medal of Freedom to fellow Warmongers

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6 January 2009

Washington D.C. - A Whitehouse spokesperson announced today that our Illustrious and Fearless Imperator (otherwise known as the President of the United States) George W. Bush will award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to three foreign heads of state.

"Oh Yeah, John, keep that hand pumping..."

These include (but are not limited to) Australia's King John the Small, the United Kingdom's (and now Israel's) His Tonyness the Great Blair and some random Columbian guy who nobody cares about.

According to the spokesperson, Big Dubya decided to bestow the honours as a farewell joke to a world which has come to enjoy his humour, despite its mediocre quality and frequent bad-timing (see Iraq).

Along with this comment (which was greeted by polite, if underwhelming laughter by the press cohort), the spokesperson relayed to the world media some words writted by our Illustrious and Fearless Imperator himself, which were composed during a drunken twister orgy at the Bush Ranch in Paradise. These relayed mainly a few "unintelligble and easily misinterpreted remarks", according to the spokesperson - something along the lines of "The President is honouring these leaders for their work to improve the lives of their citizens and their efforts to promote democracy, human rights and peace abroad". This can be translated from Texan to:

"The President is honouring these leaders for their unyielding efforts to drive their citizens into debt and job uncertainty and their attempts at moving against the wills of their people to create American puppet governments in oil-rich states after partaking in illegal wars at the behest of a fraudulently-elected Dictator, whilst ignoring and/or actively supporting the use of torture and incarceration without charge for no reason whatsoever."

The Colombian guy will recieve his for being a "slavering capitalist hyena."

The Medals of Freedom will be distributed at the first annual Whites-Only White House Tyrant's Orgy next week in Washington D.C., prior to the ascension to the American Imperial Throne by Barack Osama Obama.