UnBooks:My school day

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Today I learnt a lot of interesting stuff. They say school is boring but I don't find it to be at all. I can't imagine how anyone could find school boring. Maybe everyone else goes to dull schools where you don't learn anything, but I certainly don't.

I saw four and a half yellow cars on the way to school. That made me sad because yellow cars mean it's going to be a bad day and it was even worse because it wasn't a prime number of yellow cars. What we did at school made up for it, though.


In biology class I learnt how you dissect a tribble. I always thought they jumped around a lot, like in those Star Trek educational films, but the ones they had in class didn't move at all. They just, like, sat there. I guess they were dead. Anyway, we cut them up with special pink scissors and there was fuzz all over. Miss Anthropy, the biology teacher, says the scissors have to be pink or else the tribbles will vaporise. She's really smart like that. Some people say she knows everything. I think they're underestimating her.


In physics we learnt the equation for raising the roof. The amount the roof is raised is equal to the double root of its interrogative case. Or maybe it was a stem. I didn't pay attention very well because I was busy throwing pencils at my classmates. If we substitute 3x for the velocity measured in oranges per second, we can raise the roof by eleventeen metres cubed! I don't really know what raising the roof means but I think it's important or something, kind of like that global muffin thingy. So it's pretty cool that we're learning the scientific side of it and all, innit?

Food, food, I like food![edit]

Speaking of muffins, I also learnt in food class how they're made. They take anthrax and whole-grain bird seeds and mix them with organic fairy dust, then add dirt vitamins for extra nutrition. They also let them sit around for two years so they get nice and mouldy so they're even better for you to eat. It also makes them really yummy. They say the blueberries are really just wax coloured with anthrax and other bacterias. That's a lot healthier than real blueberries because these are the good kind of bacteria and they detox you.


Special K cereal is made like that too, just with serial killers instead of fairy dust. This is part of something they call "tough on crime". Crime is really bad, so we need to do stuff to make people not do it. If you knew you were going to get turned into cereal if you killed people, would you do it? I sure wouldn't.

I think anthrax muffins are delicious. They should serve them at school, but they never do. I asked Miss Anthropy why not and she said it was because of "regulations". I don't know what she meant by that.

I wish they made muffins with prime numbers in them. Prime numbers taste even better than anthrax. If they had both of them in, they'd be perfect.

Parenting class, and last period yay!!![edit]

And finally, in parenting class we learnt about what you do with babies. We actually used fake babies made out of clay but they work just as well as the real kind. The best way to put a baby to sleep is to throw it on the floor until it stops crying. You can also sit on it, throw it out with the bathwater or store it in the closet for a week but that doesn't work as well, so it's best to throw it on the floor. I got really good at baby throwing. Jason said I was abusing children but he's not very clever and doesn't realise babies are made of clay and don't feel anything. That's what the teacher said. His name is Mr Bester and he's quite nice. Also, babies might melt if you make their bath too hot, so it's best to put ice cubes in it.

And if you have to feed the baby, make sure to give it baby food, but not baby oil. I don't understand why you can give it baby food but not baby oil. They're both called "baby", so they're both for babies, right? I asked Talia about this because she was sitting next to me, and she didn't answer. She just called me an idiot and some other mean things. So I threw her on the floor. She seemed upset after that.


So that's the fun stuff I learnt today. Don't you think it's fun? I hope my children go to that same school and that I have exactly 3.75 children, because that's the perfect number, innit? I'm also hungry and I want some cereal. But not Shreddies because they're brown. I hate brown things.