Silent Hill 1

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“This game made me crap my proverbial pants”

~ Oscar Wilde on Silent Hill 1

“I never found out what was going on with that radio”

~ Harry Mason on Silent Hill 1

“It's turning the fogs gay”

~ Alex Jones on Silent Hill 1

Silent Hill is a video game based on the small town of Silent Hill. It was created by Jesus, but was kidnapped by Konami. There was a movie based on the game, which sucked.

A map of silent hill


Silent Hill 1 starts out when protagonist, Harry Mason, is going on a quiet country drive with his adopted daughter, Cheryl. There suddenly appears a girl in the road, and Harry swerves to miss her, knocking himself unconscious. He awakens later to discover his daughter is missing, and Silent Hill is covered in an eerie fog.

While Harry walks throughout the town, he sees a silhouette of his daughter up ahead, provoking him to chase her down, but she evades him going down into a dark ally. The alleyway becomes noticeably darker, and Harry is forced to use a lighter to walk around. He then is horrified to discover a body chained to the wall, horrifically butchered. As Harry turns he is attacked, and becomes unconscious. He awakens to find himself in a small diner with a female police officer, Cameron Díaz Cybil Bennett, who claims to be as confused as him. As she leaves Harry to look for help, a monster swoops in and attacks him. He fights it off and hurries throughout the town to find Cheryl.

It's Harry Mason!

Mason finds that Silent Hill is also covered in mysterious fog, and keeps seeing the strange silhouette of his daughter, which he follows all over town. Harry finds that Silent Hill is inhabited by demons, monsters, demonic monsters, and teletubbies. He is quite frightened by this, and starts killing the inhabitants, even though they are probably just his soul projecting its worst fears onto the local townspeople, so Harry is probably a mass murderer.

Along the way, Harry meets some new friends including a wacky police officer (he tapped that ass faster then you could say her name), the Heisenberg of Maine (he's pretty grumpy, but only because there's no toilet in his motel room), and a junkie nurse waifu with separation anxiety.

They have some pretty wild adventures, like killing demons, being killed by demons, finding people tied up with barbed wire turned into demons and killing them, playing on the merry-go-round and some more killing of demons. At the end of it all, Harry finds out that Cheryl isn't actually named Cheryl, and that she is actually the daughter of the leader of some crazy cult, and that she's also some kind of cocoon for a god and that she's going to vomit said god out. Harry kills the cultists and leaves Silent Hill with that lady-police-officer. At least in one ending.


Burned Pterodactyl Things

They fly around. Don't really know why, but it hurts.


They commonly hang around dog houses. Although it can be difficult to distinguish a doghouse without actually seeing a dog near it.

Baby Whores

They will run up to you and attempt to kill you. But simply shaking around and making indistinguishable movements will cause them to fall over in a fit of ecstasy.

Big Ol' Lizard

A big lizard in the basement of the school with a big head. His mouth also opens the wrong way.


Somebody at Konami got lazy and said, "Hey! lets make one of these teh suXorz enemies a bug!" so there's a bug and it's boring and bleh.


After you convince Cybil to ride the Merry-Go-Round with you, she gets extremely dizzy and yells "I WANT OFF!" You try to explain to her that you can't get off until the ride stops, and she goes homicidal. Don't worry, juice calms her down.

Cheryl wearing really white clothes

Don't get anything on them.

Incubus Incubus has really big titties! He also controls lightning. Shoot him with a gun and he'll poop out Heather. Oh! Did we forget to tell you that he has a nose that can smell the fresh blood of n00bs?

Konstantinos Mitsotakis ΓΙΑΤΙ ΝΑ ΤΟ ΚΡΥΨΩΜΕΝ ΑΛΛΩΣΤΕ HA HA HA!!!


There are so many different endings to Silent Hill 1 that to state them all would take several years. Lets just say that depending on how you play the game the ending will be different. What a novel concept.

List of known endings[edit]

  • Coronation Street ending, Harry wakes up in the Bookies on Coronation Street as detailed here.


  • Happy-sunshine-acid-ending - Achieved by being a goody-two-shoes and saving everyone. Because you're just so fucking selfless aren't you?

Result: Harry leaves Silent Hill with his police-plaything and some weird baby (Cheryl number two.) that was given to him by Alessa. He later marries that police officer and lives with her and Cheryl number two. They live happily every after in neverending happiness. How gay.

  • Normal boring ending - ...Yeah. Whatever. That cop dies.

Result: Harry remains celibate for the rest of his life. Or incestuous, depends on how much you consider Heather to be "related" to him.

  • Really Bad - Achieved by having Harry lose all health

Result: Harry dies! Oh noes! (okay, that's not really an ending per se...)

  • Bad - Achieved by being really stupid and playing very badly.

Result: Halfway through the final boss fight, Harry gets fed up, walks all the way back to his car, and drives to Konami headquarters. He then tracks down Team Silent and announces his intentions to sue them for making him look like an idiot.

  • Real ending - Achieved by beating the game, LOL.

Harry is abducted by aliens after asking them if they have seen his daughter (because surely that little green man over there will know where she is). They Zap him and throw him in there ship where he is sodomized constantly. Later he abducts James in the second game. Through alien technology they have a love child named Heather. Heather is raised to be a whinny bitch who complains about EVERYTHING! When she is head fucked by Silent Hill she complains to her dad who proceeds to destroy Silent Hill with the alien's future space lasers from the future, and space.

Transfer from Jesus to Konami[edit]

Jesus was the original writer and creator of Silent Hill 1. When Konami got wind of the game, they decided they had to have it, and devised a plan to crucify Jesus and take Silent Hill 1. Unfortunately the Jews and Romans beat Konami to the whole Crucification thing, so Konami just stole the game after he died and produced it in 2 days. When Jesus came back to life and found his game out on store shelves, he got quite pissed and decided to smite Konami with bad sales forevermore.


There was a movie made based on Silent Hill 1. It was better than Resident Evil 3.

If you really feel like you need to know about it, then here's an article: Silent Hill (movie). Hah, I bet you tried to click on that. Loser. Go look it up on YouTube.