Silent Hill 4
“What the hell...?”
“This game made me have to buy a new proverbial washing machine.”
“He told me to go down into the deepest part of him, and to look for the ultimate Truth... Let's do that.”
“~ Henry Townshend on figuring out his sexual orientation”
“This guy made me realize that dope makes you stupid.”
“WHAT?21 SACRAMENTS?O.M.G! FREEDOM OR DEATH!!!”
“Good luck finding the lore in the actual game!”
Silent Hill 4. Hey, I just saw a double-headed giant baby monster thing kill a guy just now. But that's okay, I guess.
Yeah, so this game is by Team Silent from Konami again, and their last game as well. Don't know why they got kicked off the Silent Hill series; though I heard that every gamer never made it past the first ten minutes of the game without breaking their controllers in two, but I don't know if that's related...
The Story[edit]
The story? What the hell? There's a story?
The Story[edit]
Oh, okay, so there is a story because another big heading popped up just now telling me to write The Story... Is that normal? What the hell?
The Story![edit]
Well, let's see, there's this room. And then there's me, Henry Townshend. Yeah, I'm Henry, in case you didn't know. And there's this room, that belongs to me, but I guess not really since I'm renting it in this town called Silent Hill. It's not? Oh right, yeah, the town's called South Ashfield. What the hell? So, I've been trapped in this room for I don't know how long because of the chains on the door and the writing in blood on the door telling me not to go out Walter. They can't spell my name right. The windows aren't chained, but they're stuck, so I guess I can't get out... What the hell?
Then, one day, I find out that there's this hole in my bathroom with all these weird, demonic noises coming out of it. What the hell? So I decided to go through the hole. Then I'm in the subway station where this hot Latino chick tells me I'm in her dream and that she'll do me "a special favor" if I can get her out whilst she rubbed her body all over me. What the hell? I wonder what she meant by that?
Maybe she can locksmith my front door...
Well, anyway, I found her dead later all covered in blood, so I thought it'd be okay to touch her boobs while she's not looking. Hope she won't mind and come back as an invincible ghost to haunt me later on or something...
Man, this could take a while if I had to write the whole story here. What the hell? Can I just say that my room is really the mother of a supernatural serial killer whose body was hiding in the room behind my bed that was originally part of my room (but I didn't notice) all along, and leave it at that?
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Rosebud is a sled, Norman Bates is really the murderer, Mister Glass was the mad bomber to begin with, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
Characters[edit]
Oh, a big heading saying "Characters" just popped up, so I guess it's okay.
Eileen Galvin[edit]
She lives next door. Female, early 20s, cup size D. She's brunette and has green eyes as well. I wonder if we're related? I rescue her from this weird hospital room when she gets attacked by a weird german dude, and although she has a broken arm, an eye patch, tons of bruises and cuts and is in desperate need of eye drops she still can kill those monsters with 2 hits of her handbag, must have a brick in it. What the hell?
Also holds the Guinness world record for inspiring the most Dexy's Midnight Runners references.
Walter Sullivan[edit]
He's a serial killer, but he's fucking dead. But he's still killing people. What the hell? But he's also a kid. But that's okay. He's also got green eyes, but blonde hair. What the hell? Maybe he's German.
Frank Sunderland[edit]
He's the super. He's an okay guy, though I heard he has a stinky old umbilical cord, and a missing son. By the way, I saw this body in Toluca Lake this other day whose face reminded me of him. I wonder if they're related?
Joseph Schreiber[edit]
He lived in my room before I did. Shortly before his disappearance, he was going all funny and locking himself up in his room from which weird noises sometimes emerged. What the hell? But I figured it was okay to live in the same room.
Random Rabbit[edit]
He's a rabbit I found after peeking at Eileen's room when I realized there was a hole in my living room. I'm surprised Eileen saw me and nothing happened. Oh, and she did laugh a lot that time, watching TV... But how come my TV's only flickering subliminal demonic noises? What the hell? I'm going back to the hole and see what's Eileen up to...
Monsters[edit]
Monsters? They look like monsters to you? What the hell? I thought they were an aggressive cross-breed of dog and Windows 98. But that's okay. I kill them all the same.
Ghosts[edit]
Oh! So that's what those floaty things that come out of the walls things were!
Hair girl[edit]
Found in the subways. Her cleavage reminds me of that hot Latino chick. Keeps trying to give me a "special favor." I wonder if they're related?
Flaming guy[edit]
At first, I was like, whoa! But then, I was like, whoa... But then, I was like, what the hell? I was gonna douse him with my chocolate milk, but that stuttery occult weeb drank it. He gave me a spade. Threw it on the ground for me to pick up, actually. Burned down an orphanage, too. Swell guy.
Fat pig[edit]
Freaked out about the German kid and did a Bill Clinton impression. No one would have sexual relations with that man, though. Maybe that's why he abused kids.
Double-headed giant baby monster thing[edit]
Hmmm... Ummm... Sorry, I forgot what they looked like!
Angry guy[edit]
Has trees for brains. Hates everyone and everything that isn't boobs. Points a gun at kids. Beats people up and keeps their clothes. Does a shockingly amazing Wilhelm scream, though.
Pyramid Head[edit]
No, don't joke, Mr. Heading. Not every Silent Hill article must make reference to Pyramid Head. Pyramid Head.
Puzzles[edit]
A long time ago, in Windows 95, there was this screensaver that showed a 3D maze, which took over 9000 hours to complete and basically no one except for those without a life ever sat through to see it reach the end, wherethen the screensaver will start all over again into infinity.
This game is a bit like that.
Characters[edit]
Huh? What's going on? What the hell?
Henry Townshend[edit]
Um... Oh.
I have no life.
I'm pretty calm, so that's just me anyway.
Deeper meaning[edit]
Oh, I see what this article was doing. It was guiding me through an introspective journey for the metaphor that is Silent Hill, where I learn about the hidden secrets of my subconscious after the many trials that face me, each aspect of which arises as a representation of that subconscious.
Now I finally understand. It wasn't the game that was supposed to show me, it is this article! And this article has finally made me accept what I really am.
I am a man without a life.
But that's okay.
Endings[edit]
21 Sacraments[edit]
Everyone dies. I'm dead, Eileen's dead, and the bad guy and his childish self... are already dead to begin with.
Eileen's Death[edit]
Eileen gets mashed up by that gravity engine drive thing from that other sci-fi movie with Laurence Fishburne while I was busy killing the dead serial killer. I get to live, so that's good...shame i didn't do her though...
Mother[edit]
We all live except for those who are dead. My apartment goes moldy.
Escape[edit]
Yeah, so this is the ending that I really got. My apartment is fine, and Eileen and I are fine. I got her some flowers and then she told me she'd do me a "special favor". I wonder what she meant? What the hell? I don't really get it, but that's okay.
What the hell?[edit]
What the hell?
See Also[edit]
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