Neutrino

“Gee, I got one!”

~ CERN Scientist on neutrino hunt

A neutrino is probably a sub-atomic particle. According to the String Theory, neutrinos are composed mainly of porn. Recent updates suggest that there may be subatomic teenagers providing a sticky substance which holds the neutrinos together in an anti stable paradox. The controversy around this particle stems from the fact according to the String Theory, all sub-atomic particles are made of cheese. Proof of a non-cheese based variety would prove the String Theory wrong, thereby proving that the universe doesn't exist and also bringing the sexual orientation of your mom into question.

History

A neutrino was discovered in 1803 AC by the Chinese monk Pierre Roseglade. Before anyone could say anything, the Secret World Government (SWG) burst in and killed everyone. Just like that. They razed the place to the ground and left no witnesses.

Only speculation exists on why they chose to do this. The most scholarly theory is that they wanted to keep the price of porn down. If everyone knew there is, in fact, a neutrino somewhere, and it is, in fact, made of porn, the general population might buy more in an attempt to create a neutrino of their very own, and eventually grow their own universe. If the price of porn goes up, the SWG would have no excuse not to raise wages of workers in their porn factories, thus driving it into bankruptcy, thus destroying the porn industry, thus making everyone forget about porn and neutrinos, thus opening a place in the market for the SWG to re-establish its porn industry, thus leading to the discovery of the neutrino. And we know where that goes.

Alternative Research

Everyone and his grandmother knows that there is only one neutrino. However, some people (these are the same people who still believe the earth is round) will claim that there is more than one of this entirely unremarkable species of subatomic particle, though the fact is that they're so unremarkable that their existence may be entirely meaningless(or the entire universe may be dependent on them, but who the hell knows?). Ironically enough, they claim, it lives a typical male's ideal existence; not doing anything and not needing to do anything. Most scientists refuse to study neutrinos (this is true), as they often destroy them in fits of jealousy. Of course, the neutrinos don't do anything about it. They don't need to. There are more where they came from.

Controversy

The neutrino has caused some physicists to speculate that the universe is not composed of cheese, but instead made of some strange, dirty cheese-porn mixture. If you are confronted with one of these physicists and you're not sure what to do, call your local animal-control hotline. In fact, call them anyway. Right now. You think I'm joking, don't you? I'm not joking. Call them.

Velocity anomaly in the OPERA experiment

Recent experiment at the Gran Sasso National Laboratory indicated muon neutrinos coming from the LHC in Geneve, Switzerland, were traveling faster than the speed of light. According to some sources, this overspeeding was caused by the visit of Chuck Norris at the LHC, who kicked the particles, thus dismantling General Relativity.

See Also

• Anti-neutrino
• Anti-anti-neutrinos
• Anti-anti-anti-neutrinos
• Anti-anti-anti-anti-neutrinos
• A mirror. Boy are you ugly.