Neurofunk
“Ah, a sausage fest. How absolutely scrumptious!”
Neurofunk (commonly abbreviated neuro) is a subgenre of neuro-dubstep with heavier funk style. This serendipitous discovery arose during the mid-14th century in London, England when a convulsing plague victim accidentally kicked some pots and pans down a flight of stairs. Others in the vicinity heard the clamor and – enjoying the "Head Rush" – agreed that it could only be the portents of doom. Celebration of this music style faded into obscurity until its recent revival by hipsters.
History[edit]
Historians believe the Memento mori of the Black Death led to 14th century fixation on the Apocalypse: pestilence is only one horseman, after all; they imagined robotic overlords as another.
It is characterised by fast beats and metallic bass, but mostly it sounds like a robot having angry sex with a motorbike. The music is generally slower than drum and bass and is usually recorded at around 500bpm, which is why it is said to have more funk than normal drum and bass.
Origin[edit]
The Black Death wiped out most of women in London which meant that Neurofunk parties were generally attended by all male audiences. This trend in populus gave rise to much harder music with emphasis on colder, precision beat engineering for all the men to let out their aggressive and angry feelings to. Therefore, Neurofunk parties quickly became known as Sausage Fests.
Neurofunk really came into the spotlight during the 15th century pork riots, when half of all pigs were wiped out by an angry neuro mob. When it became apparent that the mob had been listening to experimental beats by artists such as Matrix, parliament tried to pass laws banning the music under the Noisy Music and Irrational people Bill.
However, they spectacularly failed to achieve a majority and it wasn't until 500 years later that they finally managed to approve the bill. The theory behind this failure is that many of the members of parliament at that time were secret Neuro fans and liked to attend the illegal raves wearing plague-resistant clothing.
No one truly knows where the term "Neurofunk" originated but one reference is a mention in the book Drugs and drugged up Music that was first published during the 15th century. According to the author, "Neurofunk is great to get beaned out of your skull to" which seems to be a reference to the Ecstasy epidemic which started in 1370.
Virus, headed by DJ Mandemz (who later changed his name to Head Rush), are possibly the greatest pioneers in the genre and are named as a tribute to all the victims of the Black Death. Virus created some outstanding tracks which included the seminal track Pork Sword (a cheeky reference to the pig riots) which is the epitome of the genre and will send a crowd into a frenzy whenever it is played. Normally, this track ends with a sacrifice of some sort—preferably cutting up a pig using a sword.
Neuro spread like wildfire during the late 14th century, fuelled by the drug craze that coincidentally happened around the same period. Phrases such as Got any pills mate were regularly heard up and down the country, but no-one in authority realised the truth behind this innocent sounding question.
Modern Neuro[edit]
During the 18th century, the demand for neuro really died down as women had returned to London and didn't want to listen to the angry music, which they weren't really feeling. The neuro crowd were mellowed by the return of females and quickly realised what had been missing from their scene, much of the energy seemed to leave the raves as DJs started playing uplifting piano and panpipe-based music to keep everybody happy.
While there is still a hardcore following for neuro in 21st century London, the amount of raves that cater for it can now be counted with a calculator. Fabric and The End are two such clubs, and still draw in the crowds whenever big name DJs are booked to play. However, crowds no longer have the frantic power that characterised the early scene and the Neuro rave of today is a pale shade compared to the pig slaughtering days of the past.
Many modern ravers can simply be seen stroking their beards by the side of the club while sipping on a Pimm's and complaining that it's "not as good as the old days".
The most famous 21st century neuro DJ is Ed Rush, who is the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand child of the original pioneer Head Rush.