Mexican Man Eating Eagle
“Oh my God, that eagle is coming right at us!”
“That's a long way away, it'll never get here for a few seconds.”
The Mexican Man Eating Eagle is a sub-species of the regular eagle, and in some cases, a hybrid of the Man Eating Shark and the Mexican Homing Pigeon. It lives in China and eats kittens. No, not really. It lives in Mexico and eats people. If you thought otherwise, you are a moron and deserve to be tied upside down to a tree and be bashed to death with an organic carrot.
Appearance[edit]
The Mexican Man Eating Eagle looks like a regular eagle, only it is thirty meters wide and as tall as a skyscraper. It has big claws that rip into their enemy's stomachs, and teeth. Its a common fact that eagles have NO TEETH. Therefore, this addition to the Mexican Man Eating Eagle is both deadly and interesting. The talons (its claws) of the Mexican Man Eating Eagle can rip through flesh like butter. In short: if you cross a Mexican Man Eating Eagle, run away!!
Bonus factoid: The Mexican Man Eating Eagle always wears a sombrero. You should know that. That is all.
Creation[edit]
When God created life on Earth, most of the freaks were eradicated. But the Mexican Man Eating Eagle, being the sneaky bastard that it is, somehow missed out on this going-to-Hell buisness. Unfortunately, after avoiding God's wrath, a terrible landslide trapped the creature. 50 years later, in the year 2007, scientists discovered the embryo of the unborn creature and, using technology forged from Microsoft, reanimated this deadly animal. This was later found to be a huge mistake, but none of the scientists working on the project can recollect any information because they were all killed by the Mexican Man Eating Eagle. Reports say it was like the Doctor Who episode "Dalek", only far less exciting and with more swearing and eagles.
Habitat[edit]
The Mexican Man Eating Eagle lives anywhere near human settlement, which immediately becomes a former human settlement. The Mexican Man Eating Eagle also stays at the Watergate Hotel (they give you a discount if you've been there before).
How To:Escape from a Mexican Man Eating Eagle[edit]
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Escape is pretty much impossible when confronted by the Mexican Man Eating Eagle. However, it is possible you could try these steps. They won't help, but it'd be funny to see you fail.
- Look the Eagle squarely in the eye. Then it'll poke your eyes out. Probably best to skip that bit.
- Take out your dual, Chuck Norris-esque shotguns. What? You don't have dual shotguns? Well, you're doomed.
- For the few of us that made it to the third step, shoot the damned bird in the crotch. It might just then kick you in the balls and eat you. Ouch!
- If you happen to be stuck in the warm, smelly pit of the Eagle's throat, call for help from a Grue. Sorry, but after saving you the Grue will eat you anyways. Also, the Eagle has an allergic reaction to the Grue which causes it to spew up acidic bile all over you. Causing you to die. Hmmm.
- I'm not going to hammer on, but if you did make it alive to here, I'd turn and run as fast as I could away from the bird. It'll chase you, but if you had your dual shotguns from step 2, you'd be fine. But since you're here, you obviously didn't bring your shotguns. Oops!
- Also don't forget to sit on it. (see instructional video below)
The moral: Don't step foot in Mexico without a tank.
Other Uses[edit]
Mexican Man Eating an Eagle[edit]
The term "Mexican Man Eating Eagle" also refers to the time in his life when a mexican man breaks down and feasts on rare poultry, including eagle. This tradition is popular with mexican mental asylum patients, and is often performed in front of a fairly largish audience. The eagle meat is often served in tacos or fajitas (soft tacos).
Mexican Man Eating Eagle[edit]
The term is also commonly used to regular eagles who eat mexican men. There are few eagles in the world which actually bother eating people, yet for the few drugged eagles, it's fairly "hip", and "now", if you will.
The Mexican Man Eating Eagles (AFL Team)[edit]
The crap counterparts to the AFL team West Coke Eagles. They haven't won a game, yet. They are situated in Perth. The Tasmania Perth, not the WA Perth. Therefore they suck balls. TAKE THAT DRIFTER!!!, you and your stupid Devon Hills!!!
The Mexican Man Eating Eagle (Restaurant)[edit]
The awesome restaurant made by the evil andy consists of 2 main foodz: grues and mexican man eating eagles. Andy has been known as a hero for slaying the grues around newstead, but only one man knows he is using fake grues... Drifter.