Korean People's Army

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For those who had consumed the Kimchi from the south, we suggest redirecting you to an evil capitalist site known as Wikipedia (which we have blocked in our nation) on our great army.

The Korean People's Army is a strong and dedicated army capable of protecting the three Kims but not the North Korean people. Actually, it is not really a national army, but more of a private army. In fact, it cannot even protected the south Korean people, but that is because the southerns are the traitors. Not counting the USA and the other nations' army, it is the largest military force in the world, but it has not ever invaded any nation since the Korean War. Despite being able to conquer the US and south Korea, the expenses still have to go to the weapons used for any future invasion.

Besides as their function as an 'army', they are also used on display in mass celebrations such as the Kims' birthday, the founding of the nation and whatever else the North Koreans call a 'festival'. Their role in the festivals is simple; duck walk across the Great Leader's Square in front of 15 million people watching plus the Supreme Leader himself. You must be walking the same way as your comrades, otherwise you may be hauled out and questioned for being a traitor.


To be part of the KPA, you must...

  • Be a North Korean
  • Thoroughly brainwashed so that you put the Kims first in front of your nation.
  • Accept 11 years of being away from your family and also accept the low chances of forming a family
  • Have excellent taekwondo skills and other fighting skills.

Known involvements in history[edit]

Since its establishment in 1932, not many cared about this little army because China at the time was busy playing a video game known as the Chinese Civil War, while the Soviets are launching bombs onto Germany during World War II, so the army's establishment is pretty unknown. Never mind, even then nobody cares how our army starts off. This was the only time Kim Il Sung wasn't even mentioned! Damn. Nevertheless, he came in when the KPA started to raid some Japanese shops in China for some sushi for breakfast, because it was said the Kim himself like sushi before he tasted Kimchi, named after himself.

Misdirections have turned them to stone.

When the Soviets decided a part of Korea should be communist, not under a shit system known as capitalism, the KPA were called into action to protect the North. The US claimed that the KPA was used to attack the south, but this is utter rubbish since they are the ones trying to attack us beforehand. They are just trying to push the blame on us, just because they want to look good on their record for their army. Anyway, to cut the long story short, the KPA managed to defend the North and pushed the US down south, before the UN intervened. Since then the KPA only occupied the North.

Our army has also certain involvement our some border incidences in the DMZ, largely because it is south Korea's fault! Durr. The south every time, when we were eating Kimchi, tried to enter our waters, but we managed to deter such irrational measures. As of today we managed to bring them a submarine, sink a few ships, killed some soldiers and get lots of resources, supplies and Kimchi to last the day.

Career options[edit]

Have the people shout at you as you march along. Yeah.
  • DMZ border patrol. Get to march proudly along the fence separating hell from the paradise. Check for any rabbit holes in the fence and see if anyone is so inclined to leave the paradise and enter the hell. Do not hesitate to shoot anyone who dares to cross the fence.
  • Joint Security Area - Stand on the North side. This is where you play staring contest with the ROK incompetent soldiers. Get to talk selfies with tour groups from the north.
  • Gulag - You have to remove your heart for this. Treat those people in there like scum. Yeah they are the traitors. Don't care what sufferings they are going through since they deserved it anyways. You job is to make their job harder, by whiping them and hurling insults. Yeah, this is your 24 hours duty.
  • Parade - Every month when the Kims fell like it, they will throw a celebration. Which of course include military parades and involves YOU! Yeah, you have to march in step with your comrades. One little misstep is a step to the gulags, because this is showing very very deep disrespect to the Kims.
  • Weapons of mass destruction department - Stay in a lab all day and debate what the shape of the nuclear warhead will be. Whenever Kim Jong-un comes and visit, just launch a missile as a firework to his arrival.