Halloween costumes

A list of fun, inexpensive, easy-to-create Halloween costumes for children ages 10 through 10 and a half.

Left-Handed

What you will need

• A left hand.
• Infinite patience

Tip: eat beforehand

Topical Political Costume

"What are you?" "Not Harriet Miers!"

What you will need

• Wig
• White sash or cravat
• Black robe
• Severe demeanor

The Old Man

  

What you will need

• A beard - either real or fake will do
• Shifty paedophile eyes
• A suit that you haven't changed in years and that smells of stale urine
• Over-sized ears

Usage: This costume is used as a "disguise" when molestering children or animals. Most members of the community see elderly men as kind folk that wet themselves too often, and will agree to leave their children with them.

The Invisible Man

  

What you will need

• High-potency vanishing cream
• Assorted lasers

Usage: This costume is best employed in avoiding Katy's almost certainly lame-ass party. "I didn't see you at my costume party!" "I was the Invisible Man!" Also useful for explaining otherwise unwarranted nudity.

Trekkie

If anyone dies at your party, it'll be him.

What you will need

• The Red Shirt
• Fitted black trousers
• A chintzy plastic phaser toy
• A girlfriend, probably

Cat

"I'm a waitress at TGI Fridays! Would you hand me my d-drink?"

What you will need

• Those fuzzy ears
• That dumb makeup
• Blatantly fake whiskers
• Black shirt and pants
• (Probably) a female figure
• No personality
• Horny

Female Costumes

Pictured is a traditional sexy bunny costume. Note the traditional attire, which would normally be considered slutty and whorish; however, with the bunny ears it is transformed into a cute outfit fit for any halloweener.

The customary disguise for females during the celebration all things halloweeny is transforming oneself into any person/place/thing/animal and making it sexy. Examples: Sexy Mouse, Sexy Cat, Sexy Pirate, Sexy Banana, Sexy Marilyn Manson, etc.

If all of your friends dress up together in matching Sexy Banana Costume all will be well; labels also help, so that ignorant bystanders can see just how original you were all being.

Another option for groups of females is the customary "team of sexiness" outings, where all the females band together to find a bunch of sexy things that fit together. Examples: Spice Girls, Disney Princesses, Sexy Banana Bunch, Female Sexy Backstreet Boys. WARNING: Being clever when thinking of these collections of costumes is NOT ACCEPTABLE, or if there is a clever idea it MUST be modified to be SUPER SEXY. Being the band of droogs from Clockwork Orange is ONLY appropriate if the creators of the costumes modify the original designs so that there is plenty of cleavage, leg exposure, and high stiletto heels.

Don't forget your sexy shoes!!

Shoes must always be unbearably uncomfortable, preferably heels over 6 inces in height and under 2 centimeters in diameter. Anything less extruciating is considered silly and no longer sexy enough for a decent halloween costume.