Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/February 17

February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTACA) Day

• 28 CE - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdalene.
• 29 - Mary Magdalene is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
• 903 - Bored scribes copying Bibles would write in passages saying God hated gays. This would not be taken seriously until the 20th century.
• 1798 - Thomas Jefferson receives an anonymous valentine, hoping against hope it is from Alexander Hamilton but suspecting Benjamin Franklin.
• 1931 - Under pressure, restaurants throughout America are forced to remove Gouda cheese from their lettuce, Gouda, bacon and tomato (LGBT) sandwiches, which then become less-interesting BLT sandwiches (shown).
• 1987 - Pedobear attacks the LGBT movement from the pulpit of Westboro Baptist Church, a congregation of bad sign painters with psychiatric medication issues.
• 1999 - Newspaper shipping reports get with the times and change their coverage to fanfic on the internet.
• 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
• 2004 - People named Gaylord are asked if they have ever watched the television show Gaylords Say No. Most say no.
• 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
• 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
• 2009 - MP John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive.
• 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of Downing Street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume.
• 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history.
• 2040 - All world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting solely of words with one syllable or less.
• 3010 - The Iraq War is resolved to the satisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.